College trouble... What should I do?

[cwarbs]

Hi everyone,
this is my first post on here so here it goes:

My boyfriend (well... kinda fiance) and I have been together for almost 3 years and we both just started our freshman year of college. He is a lot less academically inclined than I am and he stayed home to commute to a school close by but I moved 3 hours away to Notre Dame. While I appreciate the opportunity I have of going to a great school, I just don't understand how I'll be able to do this for 4 years. We saw each other for the first time in 3 weeks this weekend and it was awesome but now I'm back at school and I feel really lost. It keeps hitting me that I will have to do this for the next 4 years. It will be 5 weeks before I get to see him again and I don't know how I can make it. I keep telling myself it will get easier but I don't think it will. I have had thoughts about transferring to a different school that would only be 20 min away from him but I know it wouldn't be a good thing to do. A degree from there wouldn't carry anywhere near as much weight as one from Notre Dame. One of the only reasons I am here now is because I know it will help our future life together but like I said, its killing me now. Its not that I don't trust him or anything like that. Its just the fact that we're so far away now when I got so used to us being close. I'm also really afraid of being "that" girl that left a great school just for a guy. I don't know what to do.

Is there anyone out there with experience who could maybe give me a little guidance?

[WakeUpSusie]

Don't leave Notre Dame. Whatever you do, don't do that. If something ever happened and you two broke up, you'd regret making that decision. If it's meant to be and you both are committed/prepared for the challanges, you can make it through four years of college being long distance. I did it. We just made it work. I have no regrets.

[PríncipeAzul]

Hello cwarbs,

Touche to you for having the will to find LFAD and seek advice. That alone shows some dedication to your relationship. Regardless what you take from your stay here you at least made the attempt to seek out another opinion on your situation and you would be surprised how many people bottle their feelings and ultimately have little success with their LDR.

As someone who is in a similar position as your partner I have much experience in a long distance relationship born by the distance education can cause. It's not easy. My love and I have spent the majority of the last three years apart as I have my career at home and she goes to college out of state. 9 months a year we spend away from one another with our eyes on the day she graduates and we can start our physical life together. Here is the best advice I can give you:

Know what you want and then take it. That's in everything you do. Know what you want in your life and manifest the plan that will allow you to achieve the goals it takes to get there. In your current situation that would be to evaluate not only your relationship but your education as well. Once you have an idea where you want to go it's up to you to sail there.

What I will say next in no way is my advice to you but simply an outsiders opinion who knows nothing about your relationship:

As an outsider.. I would assume it's important for you to stay at Notre Dame. That is a terrific school and I commend you for even being accepted to them. In your shoes I would never leave that school for any reasons outside of a family emergency. I also assume after 3 years of a relationship and your indication that he is pretty much your fiance that your partner is in fact your only love. If you truly love him and he truly loves you back no distance can change those feelings and you both will find the strength to prevail.

With that said, there are several ways to succeed in a long distance relationship and fortunately for you the distance between both of you is not as difficult as many LDR's in the idea that you can see each other every month or two. That's terrific. This site has a tremendous knowledge base of advice and ideas on how to turn a difficult distance problem into a tool to grow individually and together. Use it.

Is it ideal? No. Will it be all fun and games? No. The real question is "Is it worth it?". If you believe so you will be find. I'm a firm believer in the quote "They can because they think they can."

Best of luck in your situation and remember that you are your own person. Find what you want in life and make it happen. The rest of lifes details will fall in place.

[hxcbreakdance]

Definitely don't leave Notre Dame, I know it's tough now but that is a great opportunity you don't want to waste. Everything happens for a reason and before you know it college will be over and ya'll can be together and be happy forever!

[HollzHeartsChris]

I wouldn't leave Notre Dame either, no matter who it was for. This is your future that you're making the decisions over, not your SO's. I know you probably will decide that you want to spend your life with him, I can understand that But don't make a decision you would regret for the rest of your life if something goes wrong. You wouldn't want to end up thinking "What if?" in that case scenario, so don't leave Notre Dame