I exposed my insecurity and regret it

[Snap]

My boyfriend makes these innocent remarks about how he likes athletic girls, both in the physical sense and also just as a common interest. In the past he's dated some hardcore athletes. I'm talking about girls who are so athletic that they get to the point where they're no longer menstruating. On the other hand, I'm athletic but more mediocre.

Last week, we were swimming together and I felt so...slow. This wouldn't be that huge of a deal if he hadn't dated certain girls in the past. But I'm so sick and tired of being mediocre. I have this deep, dark insecurity that my mediocrity makes me an unworthy person to be with in a relationship and that guys will want to look for someone else that excels more than myself. This has happened in the past with one of my exes so this just perpetuates my fear.

After we went swimming together, I felt really bad and unworthy. I cried in the bathroom and although he didn't see me cry, I still looked unhappy afterwards. I told him that I was feeling bad but that it was my problem and not his. I said that I wish I could be faster and have more endurance when it comes to these things. He replied that people have different body structures and thus have different body mechanics. I told him that I agreed and understand that but I wish my body were different.

So now he knows my weakness. My best friend told me that I'm being irrational with this and that if it was as big of a deal that I make it to be in my head, that he wouldn't be with me in the first place. She gave me the whole he's-with-you-not-them spiel. I agree with her to an extent but now I feel like I really weak person by exposing my stupid insecurity to him. I should have kept my mouth closed. Now I'm concerned that this makes me even more unattractive. It's this never-ending spiral.

I don't know what to do. I feel like crap. Any advice?

[Miramaid]

Well let me ask you, are you going to make sport your career? If yes then I guess you can be worried about not being good enough coz it is your career and your life and pay etc. depends on how great you are as an athlete.
But if sport is not your career, then why in the world do you feel mediocre? Just because he likes super masculine girls? So what that he does? May be you like blond blue eyes guys and dated those in the past and your current BF has brown hair and black eyes. Then what? you still love him, right?
You are, like you said, athletic. I assume, you are slim and healthy. HEALTHY is a key for a person who is not a professional athlete. You have no reason to have this complex of being "mediocre". Kick that out of your mind! And NEVER cry over something irrational. If you were FAT and wanted to be slim and tried everything you could and nothing worked, then I would say you can cry coz it is upsetting. But that is not even close to being the case.

Love him and do not let all this stupid thought between you two. Good luck!

[Rosebud]

Well let me ask you, are you going to make sport your career? If yes then I guess you can be worried about not being good enough coz it is your career and your life and pay etc. depends on how great you are as an athlete.
But if sport is not your career, then why in the world do you feel mediocre? Just because he likes super masculine girls? So what that he does? May be you like blond blue eyes guys and dated those in the past and your current BF has brown hair and black eyes. Then what? you still love him, right?
You are, like you said, athletic. I assume, you are slim and healthy. HEALTHY is a key for a person who is not a professional athlete. You have no reason to have this complex of being "mediocre". Kick that out of your mind! And NEVER cry over something irrational. If you were FAT and wanted to be slim and tried everything you could and nothing worked, then I would say you can cry coz it is upsetting. But that is not even close to being the case.

Love him and do not let all this stupid thought between you two. Good luck!

Never cry over something irrational? Feeding my inner Romantic here, but humans are by nature NOT rational, of course our emotions are going to overwhelm us sometimes and that's perfectly okay as well as a healthy release for the mind. Maybe it may not feel good to cry but sometimes it's what our minds really need to help us let go of an issue, so we can detract it from our feelings and take a step back and look at the situation with a clearer mind.

[JennyRW]

1: Everything in exces is bad, so much athletics that these gils doesn't have their periods anymore, I don't think that is healthy at all! Don't call yourself mediocre, if you do exercise often is good. My Dr say that I need to do it at least 3 times a week, one hour a day, so if you do that or more I don't think you are mediocre. (I am mediocre, if I do the 3 times a week is a lot hehehe)
2: What do you care who are his ex-gfs? If he wanted he would be with them, not with you. But he is with you because he want to, so that should tell you that he likes you how you are and not trying to change you to be lake his ex-gds...
3: It is not bad to be open with your so about your insecurities, on the contrary, it shows that you feel confortable with him and you trust him, and who is better that your bf to make you feel better about yourself? And If he loves you he will try to make you feel better. Only an imature person would take it (knowing your insecurities) in a bad way.
4: I would just recomend you to not be taking too much about your insecurities because that can get someone tired, you mentioned once, that is good, don't do it every time you go to swim together...
5: Again, he is with you because he likes how you are, he never said anything against your body type, so don't be ashame of it. Look I'm skiny with nice curves, but no matter what I do or not, I will always have celulites, do you think my bf cares? He never ever mention it, but he tells me pretty often that I'm sexy... That is what I care, I know I'm atractive to his eyes, so I stop feeling insecure about my celulites... You need to start working in liking yourself how you are, there always be something that we don't like but don't make it a big deal, specailly because your bf never said he doesn't like it (And btw, if he says he doesn't like a part of your body and you should change it then he doesn't love you and he only cares about the physic, which makes him a bad bf).

[SnowAnd38Below]

I agree with JennyRW. Never worry about exposing an insecurity if you are in a loving relationship. It does show you are comfortable around him and that you trust him. I am a huge proponent of complete honesty in a relationship. The first real tense conversation between me and my SO was all about insecurities and we both put our honest thoughts and feelings out on the line. It was an uncomfortable conversation, but we grew closer as a result.

I also agree that it shouldn't be something you bring up time and time again. He knows about it, and he's told you what he thinks, and it sounds like things will be just fine. Don't stress too much over it. Just cherish your time with him.

[WakeUpSusie]

You can't have a meaningful relationship with anyone, SO or otherwise, without exposing at least a few of your weaknesses. It shows trust and vulnerability, both of which are essential in a close relationship. What you did was brave, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't work on your insecurity because if you let it run rampant/continue, it could negatively impact your relationship in any number of ways.

Also, girls who are so athletic that they temporarily lose their periods due to athletics aren't necessarily "super masculine". I was an extremely serious, nationally ranked athlete from age 8 through most of college and I am in no way masculine. I had a few issues with my period but that happens when you're in the thick of a season. It's not necessarily a bad thing as long as you're still getting all the nutrients you need, it's just how some people's body responds to a high level of exercise.

[Miramaid]

Never cry over something irrational? Feeding my inner Romantic here, but humans are by nature NOT rational, of course our emotions are going to overwhelm us sometimes and that's perfectly okay as well as a healthy release for the mind. Maybe it may not feel good to cry but sometimes it's what our minds really need to help us let go of an issue, so we can detract it from our feelings and take a step back and look at the situation with a clearer mind.

Cry if you need to cry to feel better. But crying because you feel horrible about the way you look (AND it obviously is NOT rational coz she said she is athletic) is not healthy. Hope she can stop it by reminding herself about how beautiful she is

[HollzHeartsChris]

Don't be ashamed to admit you have weaknesses to your SO. It's only in our nature to show them some time or another, and you shouldn't be getting upset over something this trivial. Yes, be healthy, go out and do sports, but enjoy yourself in the process, don't overdo it and don't do something that you cannot do because it's not in your reach. I can tell you right now, from personal experience, that overdoing yourself does you no good. As a result of my overdoings, I'm now paying the price by being crippled with pain most days, so just stick to what you CAN do. Everyone has to accept they have limits: your boyfriend understands that being "super athletic" (whatever that may be in both your and his books) isn't something within your reach, so don't try and be something you're not. Be happy with who YOU are as a person right now, and take comfort in the knowledge that your boyfriend doesn't really care. He loves you for who YOU are, and I'm sure he'll be extremely glad you've confided your weaknesses. If anything, he'll see it as a sign of strength since you have the courage to stand up and admit your feelings to him

[Mara]

I like my men 5'7"-5'9", muscular, shaggy hair and beard, and outdoorsy. My SO is 6'1", skinny build, clean cut, and loves staying in. Just because someone is attracted to a certain "type" doesn't mean they necessarily would rather be with that type of person or even will choose to be with that type of person. I am completely happy with my SO as I'm sure your SO is completely happy with you. When you date someone it's about so much more than the person's interests, hobbies, or looks. It's about how you and that person fit together. I'd say if the two of you have been together almost a year you fit together pretty well. Also, don't worry about him knowing about your insecurity. It's our weaknesses that define our strength.

[WakeUpSusie]

Yeah, my SO is not anyone who I thought I would end up with haha. My "type" was athletic, not too tall, moderately muscular etc. My SO is none of those things, but he is the love of my life and I wouldn't trade him for my most "typey" guy in the world.

It's all about the person, not who you think you might like. He loves you for YOU, not for who you think you want to be. No worries!

[Snap]

Wow, I didn't expect so many responses. Thanks guys! He seemed pretty comforting after I confided with him afterwards so I'm hoping that's a good sign. It also helps to hear other people here say that although they're not with their "type," they still love their SO for who they are.

[Jezah]

Oh god, I went through the same thing when we first started dating. My SO has ALWAYS dated fit girls, not athletic but always about average weight wise. He even made the slip up of admitting the best sex he ever had was with this one chick Yvette(what a perfect name right?)who was like drop dead gorgeous and skinny. Long story short, I am....not. I am outdoorsy and work with horses so I am no fat slob, but my natural body makeup is that of a little extra chub. I am curvy, really curvy and in the beginning I was paranoid that he would see me IRL and feel repulsed. He assured me that wasn't the case, but its been 4 months and I am barely at the point where I feel ok naked on cam. Its a long process, but I think telling him was actually good since now he can avoid comments that will make you feel insecure and hopefully he will be a good enough man to help you feel better about you. Its possible, I am proof, though the first time me and my SO get intimate in person he will just have to deal with lights off :P

[JennyRW]

He seemed pretty comforting after I confided with him afterwards so I'm hoping that's a good sign

Yes, that is a really good sign! It means that he loves you, and he wants to make you feel good