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What's your opinion? Should I be worried?

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    What's your opinion? Should I be worried?

    I need an opinion on this issue, I don't know if it's even an issue I should be worried about.

    My SO and I have been together for about 6 months now while I'm off in dental school (1st year of dental school) about 700 miles away. Recently my SO quit her previous job and picked up a new job as a personal assistant for a physician, although it's really the physician's brother she's working for and inadvertently helping out the doctor. The physician's brother is the manager of his office and he makes sure everything runs smoothly. Recently, the brothers were very understaffed and needed a lot of assistance running the office. Now, a little background. She met the physician by shadowing him for nearly a year and when he heard how badly she hated her job, he offered her a new job - to work for him. The job requires her to help out with such things as answering patient's phone calls, returning their phone calls, obtaining authorizations, organizing the office, cleaning the office, and driving either brother around to where they need to go, etc. The doctor has two offices my SO works at, one is the main office which is in an actual medical building, and the other "office" is in an apartment converted to an office the brothers share and live together. Her work schedule is very flexible because she can essentially choose when and how many hours she can work in order to accommodate her schooling (which starts next week 9/19). For this week (9/12 - 9/16) she's working everyday. The reason why she's working is so that she can finance her education due to her money issues.

    For her first day of training and the past couple of times following her training, she's been working 8-12 hours each time on a one on one basis with the brother in the apartment. There are a couple of times the physician was there in the apartment as well, but mostly it's just her and the brother. Her first week there she got along with him very well, they joke around, he patted her on the head several times as a joke and for a job well done, and he drew barbed wires on her arm when they got a break. The way I'm viewing this job is that it's a very chill and laid back work environment, even according to her it's work. On her second day at work she also had to drive the brother 35 miles to an RV rental place around her neighborhood for him to pick it up to go on this 3 day thing called Burning Man. A 35 mile drive allows plenty of more time to spend either chatting away about random things or answering patient phone calls. He later offered her to come with him with a few of his friends to this event but she declined due to her finance and thinking her parents wouldn't let her go. She then followed up by saying she's not interested in that type of event. When he came back from the event he was willing to meet up at her place (she lives with her parents) and drive together to the RV place to return it. This whole thing already put me on edge, especially if he's already inviting her to a 3 day event.

    Recently she hasn't been answering my texts or phone calls as frequent as she did before. It would take her hours to get back to me. Perhaps she's very busy or something about her changed, I don't know the reason. A couple of days ago she and the brother drove together to her old previous job's office around 8pm (by that time the office is closed and completely deserted and it's just the two of them) to fax some papers. Of course he's there to accompany her and make sure she's safe when she walk back to her car. Again, when I tried to text/ call her, it took over an hour to reply back to me. Last night she had to work very late in the actual office in the building and not the apartment office. Earlier that day they basically drove around together wherever they needed to get somewhere and spent even more time together inside and outside the office. Getting later into the evening since she had to work late at night and was hungry, they had a fancy dinner ($15 - $20 a plate) together which ended sometime around 10pm.

    I told her my concerns that I feel very uncomfortable about the whole situation especially about her working one on one in an apartment with the brother however many hours it may be. I just feel this'll leave her vulnerable to build some sort of romantic relationship with this guy especially working this many hours and how well they get along. She can easily vent to him and talk about anything since he's right there and able to listen to her, while I'm 700 miles away. Essentially, I told her if she has to work to support herself then do it, but why not take on a different job instead of this one. She basically told me the benefits (flexible hours and basically getting paid to hangout - this last part is according to me) were too good compared to other jobs out there. In order to add more reassurance for me that nothing will happen she asked me what she could do. I told her I didn't want her working late (past 6pm) because I feel that'll invite reasons to go have dinner, grab a few drinks, let loose, you get the picture. Obviously, she hasn't respected my wish and worked well beyond that time already, stating they are overwhelmed by work when she had to stay late.

    I'm trying to be as objective as I possibly can without sounding bias. I basically want to know if I'm being unreasonable and if I should be worried about any of this at all and why.

    #2
    Honestly, it sounds like a great job, and you have to trust her. She has to take care of her finances, and if this job is flexible and she's enjoying it, you should be supportive. Has she ever given you reason not to trust her? Working late doesn't mean something fishy is going on, I've worked in a similar office and often have to stay late just because of the pure volume and sensitivity of the work. On what are you basing the fact that she's getting paid to hang out? When you mention them chilling, you only mention breaks and dinner after she's worked a long day. (and to me, 15-20 bucks a plate doesn't seem like a big fancy dinner, that's pretty standard here, so I dunno what's normal there)
    She just sounds like she's putting in a lot of effort and being a great employee. And that carries over to texting - she can't be texting you while she'd driving someone around, and it would look very unprofessional to text while she's not on a break.
    You need to figure out a way of trusting that she won't get involved with this guy. Just because they seem to get along well and have to spend a lot of time together it doesn't mean she'll fall for him. She asked what she can do to make you feel better about it, so it doesn't sound like she's planning to go for this guy instead of you


    Love will not betray you, dismay or enslave you, it will set you free

    Met: Cork, Ireland - December 31, 2009 • Started Dating: Cork, Ireland - May 22, 2010 • Became LD: July 15, 2010 • My Move From Canada to UK: October 26, 2011
    Closed the distance June 18, 2012!

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      #3
      I think there is no reason to be worried about. he didn't answear your texts as fast as usual because she is working. And staying late at her job is completely normal, I used to stay even until 10pm sometimes. The hour is not related with cheating, if someone is going to cheat its going to be at any hour, even 9am. And nice expensive dinners perfect for me! Let the boss pay for a good quality meal (I'm a student and let me tell you I really apreciate a free meal).
      You forgot a really important thing, you know all of those details because she tells you everything, so instead of looking things to be worried about just be happy that she is so honest with you, she obviesly doesn't want to hide anything! You need to trust her!
      Something else, like kteire said that job sounds awsome, so just be happy for her!

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        #4
        I wouldn't worry about it. I really do think that she has just been really busy with her job and even though they spend a lot of time together it doesn't sound like any type of flirting is going on. As you said the job seems very laid back so I'm sure the people she works with are as well.

        Madly in love with Michael


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          #5
          Just because she is spending one on one time with someone of the opposite sex, it doesn't mean she will automatically fall for him!

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            #6
            Thanks everyone for your honest opinions. I appreciate it!

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              #7
              Ok, here's an update and tell me if I should be upset or not.

              So I called my SO at 9pm to have our daily conversation but she doesn't pick up. She texted me saying she went drinking with her friends (I have no idea who they are and have never met them) and said she'd call me back when she arrives home. 4 hours later (1am) I call her to check up on her but she doesn't reply the first 3 times, so i texted her, and waited for another 5 more minutes. She calls me back and tells me she's drunk and staying at a friend's house to sleep over for the night. She tells me she's called her dad to let him know she's not coming home. In her defense to all this she said she didn't want to drive home drunk and possibly having her parents see her like this. When I asked her who's friend's house is she sleeping at she replies back she doesn't want to deal with this right now with her headache so we'll talk tomorrow. To me it's her fault for drinking so much and getting the headache. I'm of course livid by this for several reasons: 1) She said she would call me but failed to do so, I had to call her to find out if she's okay, 2) Made me worry and wait for her call, 3) She drank enough to be unable to drive home (this rarely ever happens when she and I drink) 3) I have this uneasy feeling she's with someone else.

              To me, this all suspicious behaviorThis is to add to the 1st post I posted.[COLOR="Silver"]

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                #8
                Firstly, She is entitled to go out with her friends (whether you know who they are or not) and have a few drinks. If it leads to her being drunk, oh well. She did the right thing by not driving home. Yea she was supposed to call you but if someone called asking to go out with some people I don't blame her for going. It might seem odd cause this doesn't happen often but give her the benefit of the doubt, try to stop worrying and talk to her in the morning. BUT when you talk to her don't get accusative and angry at her.

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                  #9
                  If the shoe were on the other foot, would she have any right to be upset with me then?

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                    #10
                    If the shoe were on the other foot, how would you feel if you got a bit carried away and drank more than you intended to? And if your SO was panicking and making assumptions when you had to stay at a friends house to be safer than driving drunk?
                    I'm all for trusting someone until they give you a reason not to. People drink, and sometimes they drink more than they intend to. There's no reason to think this is suspicious behaviour.

                    Between this and the topic post, you really need to start trusting her.


                    Love will not betray you, dismay or enslave you, it will set you free

                    Met: Cork, Ireland - December 31, 2009 • Started Dating: Cork, Ireland - May 22, 2010 • Became LD: July 15, 2010 • My Move From Canada to UK: October 26, 2011
                    Closed the distance June 18, 2012!

                    Comment


                      #11
                      I also think you should wait till your hear her version. I mean it can happen to everybody to go out, have a few drinks and then forgot about the time (if you're tipsy you have to admit it can be easy haha)
                      Like kteire said, I think it was the best solution to not drive and go to her friend's house.
                      Really trust her and wait for her explanation

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