My relationship is on the brink of disaster.

[Brittty]

Hi guys. I'm really not doing too good right now. I feel like I'm in a bad place. My boyfriend told me today that the distance between us isn't making him happy. He says he has nothing to look forward too and doesn't know if he can wait two years until I get out of grad school to be happy. He is not sure if he wants to end the relationship though. He says he loves me but he just always has a problem with feeling out of touch with people that are far away from him (I live in Illinois and he lives in Texas) It's hard for us to travel that far to see each other all the time. He is the love of my life. I've never felt like this with anyone before. I want him to keep trying to make it work with me, but I don't know what to do. Even though I'm with him still, I feel so alone. So our relationship is just sort of in limbo. I'm waiting for him to call me back after he gets done eating. I'm just trying to calm down a little bit before that. If anyone is up for talking I could use it Thanks everyone .

[Zephii]

Hey Hang in there, oh and welcome to the forum.

It gets tough, and sometimes it's not very rewarding, which is totally understandable. If you want this enough though you will make it work. Two years seems like an eternity but if flies by pretty fast. And there's lots of little things you can do in the mean time to make the relationship fun and fulfilling, believe me.
But for right now, talk to him calmly, let him get it off his chest and don't panic, as him not to give up on you, and to give you both the chance to make this a more enjoyable experience.

[Sharon Q]

Hang in there it will get better. Maybe setting dates to do something for one another weather it be sending, writing, or video chatting with one another would be a good idea.

Video chatting with my SO really cheers me up and makes me feel closer, what about a movie night? My SO and I are having one this Friday and it gives me something to look forward to.

Things like that can help you two feel closer, also maybe sending pictures would help.

[JennyRW]

He says he has nothing to look forward too, well for me works to count the days to see my bf again. It is exciting to plan the next visit and it is definitevely something to look forward to.
I guess you can also help him sending nice things to him once in a while, like the care packages, or a love letter... You know things that will remind him that you love him

[Mara]

*hugs* I'm sorry, I think we've all been there either on your side or on his. The distance is hard to deal with.

I think all you can do is try to work with him to make the distance more manageable for you both. He says he feels out of touch with you maybe it would help if the two of you could get on webcam more often? I know seeing my SO's face helps me so much with the distance and it helps me to feel closer to him. We also send each other photos of just random events during the day like I might send him a picture of what I cooked for dinner or just a picture of me or where I am. I find the more detail we go into about our day helps us both feel we are apart of each others lives even from far away. We even have little dates where we watch movies online together or play games together.

And maybe the two of you could start planning visits even if they are far away and that would give him something to look forward too.

*hugs* Hold tight. It'll get better.

[rusty15]

I'm sorry, that sucks. I'm in a similar situation now, and honestly you HAVE to plan visits, it is something you both can look forward to, to keep moving ahead and not being so down. My boyfriend has been feeling depressed/lonely lately so I've cheered him up asking him what I can do, and we are planning my next visit in a month so it got us both very excited.

Good luck with it and talk about it. Is there anyway you would move there or he would move to you before 2 years?

[Brittty]

Thanks for all your support! It's really made me feel a lot better. I talked to him a little longer last night and he just feels like all the skype dates and such isnt enough. He sees all his friends going out with their girlfriends and dong fun things and he wishes he could have that with me. He says he doesn't want it with other girls, but I'm not so sure. I know I can't give him that right now and it kills me. He's really depressed with his life right now and just sees it as the same thing every day. Its extremely hard for him to look forward to anything. He says when we do skype, while he enjoys it, its really just a tease. How do i get him to stop being so pessimistic.

It seems near impossible to move together any sooner. I can't leave grad school until I graduate in two years. He has a full time job with benefits that he really doesn't want to leave because he's working on moving up in the corporation.

[Zephii]

If he can't handle the distance, he needs to find a compromise he can handle. That might be working extra hours to have money for visits, or getting a transfer or something I haven't even thought of.

Really, he has to want to not be so pessimistic before you can do anything to help him with it. That doesn't mean you can't point it out when he's being needlessly pessimistic and bringing you down too.

Do you do fun things over skype? Or just talk?

[Brittty]

Yeah I agree with you. When he gets in a pessimistic state no matter what I say to him about how it's worth it and it's only a small time in comparison to a life time has any effect on him. He just gets in a rut and cannot seem to get out. When we skype we usually just talk. Sometimes we will play COD and watch each other on skype. I'm not sure what else we can do.

[Zephii]

Talking isn't really as exciting for the boys as it is for us, so maybe that's part of it. Well, luckily you can do lots. This site is pretty famous for it's things to do list, so check that out It's on the main site, the link is up on the menu bar.

[HollzHeartsChris]

Welcome to the forums

I can tell you now, 2 years passes by extremely fast and before you know it, you'll be out of grad school and on your way into his arms. He might say he has nothing to look forward to, but when the time comes, when the two years are over, he'll have EVERYTHING to look forward to. Don't lose faith Let him vent about what's bothering him, keep strong and do other things other than just talk to each other. I could talk to my SO all day and not get bored, but as Zephii said, boys don't find talk as enthralling as we do. If your SO likes COD, then I recommend a number of other games that you guys can play together. I made a forum post about it, and I know several other people have too. There's also the list of 99 things to do that Michelle came up with.

Here's some thread links that might give you ideas for games:

https://members.lovingfromadistance....ames-together-)

https://members.lovingfromadistance....9-Video-Games-)

Good luck

[Kerry]

it's common in LDRs to get in a negative head state about your relationship from time to time. my bf and I live 1600+ miles apart and we've seen each other once. at 1 point I considered breaking things off because it was too hard for me being apart from him. what helped me is having daily contact with him. we can't always talk on the phone but we're both on FB and we try to be online at the same time to chat there. I'm waiting for him to get a new phone so we can talk by phone every day. this is going to make things much easier for us.