Feeling the strain.

[Biddlybiddlybombop]

Ahhh. Ok. So, this is my first post. Hi, hi, hello, how are you.
I'm in a LDR with my best friend. We've known each other since we were kids (our parents have been friends since they were in their twenties). His family moved out to Australia when we were little (I'm in England. It's about 10,000 miles, so about as far away as two people can get without actually going to the moon). We've been...well, I guess the best way to describe it is "romantically linked" for the best part of five years. Up until about february this year, it was all online, and we sorta...just went about our usual lives, and I went to see him on the pretence of "We're friends, I'm on my gap year, I may as well go visit another country", andddd...everything kicked off.

Anyway, I had to come home for uni (which starts next week). And I'm really keen to go and do some learning, because I am a massive geek who loves learning things. Anyway, I only got back from Oz last week, and I know that it's usual to miss your SO while you're gone...

But I started thinking.

What if I took another gap year?

I could stay with my SO longer. (We were living together for the 8 months I was there, and I've never had such an easy, natural relationship, so I know it would work out.)

We decided to do the long distance thing. I didn't want anyone else, and neither did he.

But I have two choices. I can start university here, which will take me three years, and he can visit me this Christmas, and I can visit him next (English) summer after that, and within the next year and a half, he will have finished HIS uni course and we will be able to close the distance...

OR. I could wait another year to start uni, go BACK to Australia (expensive, but I do have the finance right now) and be with him for another 8 months or so, and therefore minimise the amount of time we spend apart.

I know what you're probably thinking "Don't throw your education away for a boy!". But, I can defer my place. So I'd definitely still have a place at uni next year. And I'm committed to the relationship, and so is he. If things went terribly wrong, and I got there, and we broke up, I know my parents would help me get home (and I would repay them at some point in the future, but the main thing is that I know they'd support my decisions.)

My Dad and I were having a conversation the other day where I was talking this through, and he said "Do you actually want to do that? Because we can look into it". I dismissed it a little because I thought it would be difficult. But with time closing in on me (I only have a couple of days to make my final decision) I'm not so sure.

I'm 70% sure I'll probably end up going to uni. But there's that little bit of me saying "If you've got the chance to do what you want to do, why aren't you doing it?"

I could do with some friendly advice. Please?

[GG6]

Hi
Well it's a tough choice that you have to make here....
As for me (because of my character), I would choose my education first. People can throw me rocks if they want (haha) but my thinking is mostly this one: the sooner you have your diploma, the faster you can get a job and then it's easier for building a future with your SO
And if you're really meant for each other, you can both wait a little bit, especially as he will be able to close the distance maybe in a year and a half.
That's my opinion Good luck! Let us know what you decide

[LilyChiba]

I personally, if it meant being with my SO permanently would just wait. Because you are putting off what you have to do anyway and it will take longer. Though wanting to stay with someone for so long I can totally understand. I am curious though, how exactly is it you can stay here for 8 months? What sort of visa do you have to get? Coz if my SO could do that.. I'd be like... OMG. Haha.. even though I want to move to the states, its harder since there is like a 3 month limit on visits.

[LilyChiba]

I personally, if it meant being with my SO permanently would just wait. Because you are putting off what you have to do anyway and it will take longer. Though wanting to stay with someone for so long I can totally understand. I am curious though, how exactly is it you can stay here for 8 months? What sort of visa do you have to get? Coz if my SO could do that.. I'd be like... OMG. Haha.. even though I want to move to the states, its harder since there is like a 3 month limit on visits.

[HollzHeartsChris]

I understand you probably want to stay with your SO for another 8 months but if he can still visit you, and you can visit him, then I'd go for uni and go ahead with it. You'll get in and out of uni faster if you avoid delaying for another 8 months, and you'd only be delaying the inevitable anyway, meaning you'd be delaying the moment you'd have to leave him for uni for longer. It might make saying goodbye a bit harder.
It's a hard decision to make, but that's what I'd do. Best of luck

[Biddlybiddlybombop]

I am curious though, how exactly is it you can stay here for 8 months? What sort of visa do you have to get? Coz if my SO could do that.. I'd be like... OMG. Haha.. even though I want to move to the states, its harder since there is like a 3 month limit on visits.

I got a year-long working visa. If you're in Oz, and have a working visa, and do volunteer work or charity work, you can apply for a second year-long visa, and you can get that without having to leave the country. I could also do a university course in Oz and have a student visa, but that would limit how much I could work. There is also the holiday visa, which is three months, but you can't earn any money. But this is just Oz, I don't know what the visa rules are for America or anywhere else.

[CaptainKaz]

I'm going to say exactly what you don't want to hear, and tell you that you're the only person who can make this decision - so, whatever advice anyone gives you, ultimately, you have to do what feels right.

That said, I of course am going to pass on my opinion because, like most people, I misguidedly think my recycled past experiences are worth something.

I went straight on to university after I left school, and more than anything I regret not taking a gap year. I wanted to get started on my career as soon as possible so I barrelled through uni like a bull in a china shop, but when I got out I was met with an incredibly tough job market. It took me roughly three years to work my way up from a job that had me literally wanting to jump off a bridge, to finally getting a position in what I want to be doing (and I'm only on the very bottom rung).

I really want to take a few months off and go and stay with my SO, but it would kill my chances at succeeding at my job, so I've lost that opportunity and don't have any time to travel and see the world like I always wanted. To be fair, I wanted to go into a competitive field - but even so, job opportunities for graduates right now are pretty grim. So, if you can defer your place another year, can afford to do it, and have another year fancy free without responsibility, I would do it in a heartbeat. Hopefully then by the time you graduate, things might have picked up on the employment front - and if it hasn't, you'd be in the same position as if you went straight to university anyway.

And that is my two cents.

[Zephii]

Is he going to follow you to England so you can do uni once he's finished? If yes, mate I'd be on the first boat back to Australia! I've delayed my uni for a boy too, and it's so worth it haha.