how did YOU overcome your frustrations to make your long distance relationship work?

[sugarcult]

this is my first post to this website, i found myself today googling "long distance relationships' and "how to make them work"

i have only just realised how frustrated i am in my relationship and i have no idea what i can do to fix this

My boyfriend and i have been dating for about 5 months now, it doesnt seem like a long time but ask yourself, when you first start dating somebody you want to be around them all the time, when youve had a bad day you want to come home and for that person to be there to make it all better.. all i have is a phone.. its frustrating and its getting in the way of our relationship. My boyfriend lives in the same town as me but he works away in the mines so he is gone for long periods at a time.

lately iv been really angry at him for no reasons i just blow up and get really emotional, i havent spoken to him in three days, i dont know why i wont answer his calls or messages. i dont know what to say i want him here and im far from happy being in a long distance relationship, but i love him and i dont want to end things, his job also means alot to him and im not going to ask him to quit just for me, not yet anyway

i just dont know how to over come this sort of depression while he is away...

[Moon]

You have to ask yourself if your life is better with him in it, or if you'd be happier if the relationship were over. My boyfriend is 4200 miles away, in another country. We see each other about 3 times a year. For me, my life is infinitely better with him in it, regardless of the LDR hurdles in the way, so if I feel frustrated, I think about how truly happy I am in my relationship with him, and it helps a lot. LDR's aren't for everybody, and you need to re-evaluate if it's worth it to you. If it is, you just have to have patience and open communication, without those your LDR isn't going to make it.

[Rosebud]

I'm still working on how to vent out my frustrations, it's an ongoing process and I don't think anyone here is really 100% okay with the distance between them and their SO. But for me and my boyfriend, the one thing that is key in helping us get through as far as we have is communication. Speaking to one another and letting each other know what we need is absolutely vital. True, we can't be around each other physically as much as we want, but there is still a lot of other things we can do. Like when I'm work I like it when he texts me during my breaks even if it's only 15 minutes, or when he asks me to get up a few hours earlier in order to talk with him, or he even found a way to send me a few texts on our anniversary when he was vacationing in Europe and had no other way to contact me. It's all about letting each other know you're there for one another even if you're not physically there.

[NaNi]

I'm still frustrated because of the distance. I think I always will be. But I know that I don't want to live my life without my SO. I love her so much. So why would I give up something so special and beautiful? We might not see each other often - once a year - but our time spent together means everything to me.

[Laura_N]

Hey, call him or at least answer him the next time he contacts you - he must be worried if he hasn't heard from you. Avoiding him is not going to help you with your frustrations. Just encourage yourself and pick up the phone the next time it's ringing. I have found talking to be the most effective thing to do when I'm frustrated, but I am too struggling with it as I very often keep things to myself. And to have a "thing" together is important for me. We've got different cuddles and hugs, I send them over for her through e-mail, they are plain silly but it's our thing.

Try to keep in touch regularly, and even if you cannot meet as often as you would like, you can do things together. Perhaps a phone date or activity? A game like truth or dare? What about collectin memories together? Remember it's always positive that he does live in the same town with you even though it's not most of the time. But hey, it's something, right?

I hope you figure it out! All the best for you. I know it's sometimes frustrating and hard and missing the other person can drive you crazy. I have decided it's worth it, and you should think about it too.

[HollzHeartsChris]

Don't cut off communications with your SO, because it'll just make things worse and make you both feel worse. Nobody in an LDR likes the distance, and everybody gets frustrated at times, and you need to accept that When the time comes for you to see your SO, make the most of it and enjoy every moment. In the meantime, keep strong, keep the faith and don't let the distance get you both down. It's ok to feel frustrated, it's only natural, but don't let it be a constant worry on your mind. Do things to occupy your time so that you don't dwell on it. When you love someone as much as you probably do your SO, it would be such a waste to let go of something that you both hold onto and fight for. I love my SO too much to let him go. We're 5100 miles from one another, but we keep each other going, because we know that the future we can have together is worth fighting for.

Distance is a pain, but you can do it

[kiara_silver]

I get frustrated alot. I find it unfair that the guy I love has to be miles and miles away. And sometimes it makes me moody and at that time I want to talk to my SO but I have nothing to say to him, just that im frustrated and I think its better to avoid him for awhile, because i'll have nothing to say other then I miss him and I hate the distance. But avoiding him wouldn't be the best thing, because its two in a relationship. You have to think about your SO's feelings as well. Last night I was frustrated and had nothing to say and so i said I was just going to go and right away he said no, and i said maybe we shouldn't talk everyday and he told me he loves talking to me everyday, which made me both happy and realize i can't be selfish. Plus if your like me, then going without talking to him keeps me in a moody mood. Keep the communication open, its very important in a LDR. But like moon said you have to ask yourself if your happy with him or not. Do whats best for you. Me and my SO both asked ourselves if we would be better off without each other. And we both know the answer without even thinking about it, no. Thats we would both rather be together and frustrated, then alone or happy with someone else. LDR's are hard, but so worth it when your with your SO, its worth waiting for.

[Fyrestar]

I want to share something.. because I feel you pain.. but I want to broaden your perspective.. my SO is in Japan.. there - he is quite unfortunately or fortunately depending on perspective - very famous musician .... he's on tour.. we never skype or cam.. at least not on his side.. as he's almost always "on camera".. when he sends packages.. I set it up so he can see me open them. Doubts.. worries.. all these can factor in. Is it easy.. knowing that this 42 year old man I love.. could have any legal woman he wanted in his country?.. and quite a few here.. ?.. NO.. but I have faith in him.. I trust him.. I know his internal workings better than anyone.. we communicate mainly via email. He is over 6000 miles away.. on tour.. and then a world tour.. I hope to meet him when he tours the US.. I expect that when he hits NYC and the venue is set, he'll either fly to me and we go together.. or he'll fly me there.

Skepticism in LDRs is hard to combat. You will find.. you are your own worst enemy.. and I spend my time 1) not giving a crap about what everyone else thinks.. what matters is how YOU feel about him- and what the impact... he has on your life.. You have to still maintain a life of your own.. and not get resentful when he isn't available.. for me, I used to struggle with this.. instead.. I turned it into creativity.. poetry.. glass etching painting.. jewelry making.. books.. find a hobby.. use this to occupy your time.. go on a date.. yes. a date.. by yourself.. take pictures.. share them with him.. and say.. this is what I did.. because I was really missing you and while you couldn't be there.. you were in spirit.. have some faith in your relationship..

LDRs.. take ALLOT of commitment.. and tons of trust.. and effort. I wish you the best of luck.. and trust me when I say.. probably every person who is a member here as felt this.