Daunting prospects...

[HollzHeartsChris]

My SO and I've yet to meet, and last night, we were discussing the future and how and when we will eventually close the distance. Our story is long and complicated to be honest, and there are a HUGE amount of odds stacked against us, and we realised last night it could be at least 5-7 years before we can actually close the distance. And even then, there's no certainty. As for how we'll close the distance, depending on the circumstances, he's going to come back with me to Wales, UK and he's going to come live with me. Due to our parents, a lack of finances and a number of other things, we probably won't be able to even meet for at least another year and a half to 3 years, and even THEN, there's no guarantee. These daunting prospects have upset us both, and although we love each other very much and trust one another completely, it's hard sometimes to fight when we both feel a little weakened. We tend not to think about the distance, but lately, because I've been going to university and I've been thinking more about the future, I've been considering more about what we're going to do in the future. At the moment, nothing is certain and no ultimatums can be made. I was just wondering if any of you guys could offer some kind words/advice about what I can do. Things that we can do to help not dwell so much on these facts.

[JessicaT]

I would just say make the most of what you can. Use the list of things to do in a LDR. Be as active in each other's lives as much as you can. If you love each other enough, you'll be strong enough to last the wait. Holdfast! Good luck

[heylittlekrissy]

I know how you feel honestly. I'm hoping to actually meet my SO in May/June 2012 for the first time, after having already known him for about 3 years now, but there's a lot to still work out about that, and it's not definite at all, the whole trip is very up in the air at the moment. If that doesn't work, I have no idea when we'll get to meet in person. That all being said, once we've met, and as long as we're as good together in person as we are now before we've met face to face (and we seem to be a pretty good match haha), it's going to be atleast 4 years minimum before we can close the distance (would love to before then if something changes! lol). It's not going to be easy for us, or for you two, but it sounds like you two really care about each other, and I know me and my SO are head over heels for one another, so we've just gotta keep going and know that it'll all be worth it when everything finally comes together stay strong! and you're welcome anytime to message me if you need support, encouragement, or just to chat

[Minerva]

There is no harm in trying. My SO and I both have small children, so we can't close the distance until they are adults -- at least 9 years. We knew getting into this would be tough and we almost didn't try because of that. But we're both so in love with each other, we really didn't have a choice but to try. I don't want to give up and then look back in 9 years and wonder "what if?".

It's not easy, it is daunting, and it's going to get harder. But if you love each other, you'll get through it. Try not to focus on how long it will take to close the distance and just focus on today.

And sometimes crazy things happen that you could never predict. You might not meet for 3 years, but you never know -- one of you could get a windfall next month and suddenly you have money (not the most likely event, I know, but my own personal windfall is what allowed me to visit my SO last year and this past spring).

Good luck, and just think about today. Think about the future when you're ready to plan for it.

[HollzHeartsChris]

I know how you feel honestly. I'm hoping to actually meet my SO in May/June 2012 for the first time, after having already known him for about 3 years now, but there's a lot to still work out about that, and it's not definite at all, the whole trip is very up in the air at the moment. If that doesn't work, I have no idea when we'll get to meet in person. That all being said, once we've met, and as long as we're as good together in person as we are now before we've met face to face (and we seem to be a pretty good match haha), it's going to be atleast 4 years minimum before we can close the distance (would love to before then if something changes! lol). It's not going to be easy for us, or for you two, but it sounds like you two really care about each other, and I know me and my SO are head over heels for one another, so we've just gotta keep going and know that it'll all be worth it when everything finally comes together stay strong! and you're welcome anytime to message me if you need support, encouragement, or just to chat

"Really care" is an understatement. Totally and utterly head over heels, as you said, might be a better thing to say lol

Thanks. I'll be sure to chat to you

[heylittlekrissy]

"Really care" is an understatement. Totally and utterly head over heels, as you said, might be a better thing to say lol

Thanks. I'll be sure to chat to you

Hahah I figured as much from seeing your posts around the site, but yeah, you got the idea :P hehe it's so funny how you can fall so hard for someone you've yet to meet in person, but it is definitely possible

[Madge]

If you are thinking Uni I know some university's do exchanges where you can study in another country for a year? That might be something to think about

When there is a will there is a way! you will have a lot of support here from other members.

[HollzHeartsChris]

If you are thinking Uni I know some university's do exchanges where you can study in another country for a year? That might be something to think about

When there is a will there is a way! you will have a lot of support here from other members.

Well, because I'm studying nursing, there is a possibility to study abroad. Unfortunately, because of certain differences, I have a horrible feeling America is off limits and I can't do some training there. I'd have to double check that, but I seem to recall asking a uni lecturer once about that and the answer was I couldn't go to America. I hope that isn't the case!

[JessicaT]

Well, because I'm studying nursing, there is a possibility to study abroad. Unfortunately, because of certain differences, I have a horrible feeling America is off limits and I can't do some training there. I'd have to double check that, but I seem to recall asking a uni lecturer once about that and the answer was I couldn't go to America. I hope that isn't the case!

I'm studying nursing too! I'm at Northern Michigan University

[HollzHeartsChris]

I'm studying nursing too! I'm at Northern Michigan University

You're the first person I've met on here studying nursing That's awesome!!

[Unicorn]

I personally think these prospects are untenable. Granted, Skype and other communication methods make things about 80% like being in the same place, but there are some crucial aspects missing. Also, you are signing up for a life of seclusion for a decade. What about going out with friends, or going out, period? So much change and growth happens in 10 years...it boggles my mind how two people in two completely separate environments would be able to grow and change together with no physical contact.

Also, I get the sense from the other posts out there that there is definitely some drama. If there is miscommunication and lasting disagreements/bad feelings now, I would be reticent to spend 10 years dealing with that (with no make-up hugs or kisses?!).

Perhaps you could both go live your lives and see if you want to reconnect when you have the means to move to the same place within a few years, and visit often. I would also consider if totally being consumed with a virtual relationship is symptomatic of an unwillingness/fear of engaging totally in the world around you.

[HollzHeartsChris]

I personally think these prospects are untenable. Granted, Skype and other communication methods make things about 80% like being in the same place, but there are some crucial aspects missing. Also, you are signing up for a life of seclusion for a decade. What about going out with friends, or going out, period? So much change and growth happens in 10 years...it boggles my mind how two people in two completely separate environments would be able to grow and change together with no physical contact.

Also, I get the sense from the other posts out there that there is definitely some drama. If there is miscommunication and lasting disagreements/bad feelings now, I would be reticent to spend 10 years dealing with that (with no make-up hugs or kisses?!).

Perhaps you could both go live your lives and see if you want to reconnect when you have the means to move to the same place within a few years, and visit often. I would also consider if totally being consumed with a virtual relationship is symptomatic of an unwillingness/fear of engaging totally in the world around you.

The only drama that's been caused is because of his parents, they're the core of the problem. I have no fear of going into the world and socialising with other people, yes I may spend an amount of time to myself but this is simply because I'm a private person. I prefer keeping to myself sometimes because, although I'm not anti-social, I'm just that kind of person. I find contentment in doing things on my own at times, and I'm okay with that. I'm in university at the moment, so I can hardly be totally consumed by my relationship. I'm studying a demanding course, and I've been balancing my own life as well as my relationship and a number of other things. I've got people I hang out with and go out with, so I would hardly say I'm secluded.

Once I've left university, a LOT of things will be changing. Period.