At the moment, i feel like literally exploding. if not, just up and leaving forever and ever and ever... UGH.
Before i tell you about why im feeling like this, here is some background information. My grandparents who i love dearly are very very ill and deteriorating very quickly. Also, my uncle has gone into a mental hospital and recently did something against me that was extremely hurtful. lots of family feuds.
Now due to all of this happening, ive been rather depressed. not as bad as i used to be, but still very low. the SO left on the 19th and i will only see him briefly on the 23rd October. My parents are kindly driving me up. Now as I love my family so much, its really hit hard how aweful they are. Its very hard to move on through this and now as the SO has gone, its even harder as i have a problem with opening up to people.
Now, the SO is talking about not wanting to be there. how alone he is and miserable and depressed he is. Ive tried so hard supporting him, this has been going on since 18th August. Ive even called his mum (im very close friends with her so its ok) and she has reassured both of us, but its still not getting any easier.
Now he is talking about coming back for a 3 day weekend.
I would usually be estatic about this, but i KNOW he will be upset. if we did meet up, he would say "only for abit" or something and during that bit he would be depressed. thats how it was for 3 weeks before he left. Also I know that he will be very depressed when he goes back.
Now I have been trying so hard to support him, im trying to do what men do and be the strong one, but i just cant anymore. I cant keep being strong, i just want to break down and scream and him being here to just pick up the pieces.
Every time he says he doesnt want to be there, i just want to scream THEN DONT BE THERE, and i have sometimes, but he just wont listen. Ive given him so much advice but it falls on deaf ears.
Today i completely lost it, as my grandpa now has a possible clot in his leg (if its a main vain, bad news, as he has had a couple of heart attacks), and the SO started saying about going again. He keeps raising my hopes then dropping them. so i just said to him right im texting your mum. so i did.
Right now, we arent talking. I cant handle talking to him right now about him staying there or him being so alone and upset. I dont know if its the right thing but if i talk to him i think i will just break and hurt him more than he is right now.
I dont know how to keep going. WHAT DO I DO.
Before i tell you about why im feeling like this, here is some background information. My grandparents who i love dearly are very very ill and deteriorating very quickly. Also, my uncle has gone into a mental hospital and recently did something against me that was extremely hurtful. lots of family feuds.
Now due to all of this happening, ive been rather depressed. not as bad as i used to be, but still very low. the SO left on the 19th and i will only see him briefly on the 23rd October. My parents are kindly driving me up. Now as I love my family so much, its really hit hard how aweful they are. Its very hard to move on through this and now as the SO has gone, its even harder as i have a problem with opening up to people.
Now, the SO is talking about not wanting to be there. how alone he is and miserable and depressed he is. Ive tried so hard supporting him, this has been going on since 18th August. Ive even called his mum (im very close friends with her so its ok) and she has reassured both of us, but its still not getting any easier.
Now he is talking about coming back for a 3 day weekend.
I would usually be estatic about this, but i KNOW he will be upset. if we did meet up, he would say "only for abit" or something and during that bit he would be depressed. thats how it was for 3 weeks before he left. Also I know that he will be very depressed when he goes back.
Now I have been trying so hard to support him, im trying to do what men do and be the strong one, but i just cant anymore. I cant keep being strong, i just want to break down and scream and him being here to just pick up the pieces.
Every time he says he doesnt want to be there, i just want to scream THEN DONT BE THERE, and i have sometimes, but he just wont listen. Ive given him so much advice but it falls on deaf ears.
Today i completely lost it, as my grandpa now has a possible clot in his leg (if its a main vain, bad news, as he has had a couple of heart attacks), and the SO started saying about going again. He keeps raising my hopes then dropping them. so i just said to him right im texting your mum. so i did.
Right now, we arent talking. I cant handle talking to him right now about him staying there or him being so alone and upset. I dont know if its the right thing but if i talk to him i think i will just break and hurt him more than he is right now.
I dont know how to keep going. WHAT DO I DO.
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