Where I don't know how this is ever supposed to work. It wasn't even anything that really set me off. (Okay, I did have bad/weird dreams last night and all the other nights for almost a month now.)
Jason has been sick and under the weather with horrendous allergies. I feel so helpless, because I can't do anything to help him. I don't even know if I could do anything if we were together. I feel helpless because I can't do much to make him feel happy even for a moment because he feels so crummy and sick.
So we're talking about how they're going to create this awesome set of biking trails where he lives. He says "if I'm still here when it finishes I could easily see myself getting into biking." I tell him that's great, and that I wish there were more things like that around here, and he says "I'm sorry that you don't have that where you live." Then it's like it hits me... I know that I could never ask him to leave. I know he would miss it, and I would feel guilty.
We've talked about the moving thing, but we can't do anything right now because of money and it's just not the right time. So my mind goes out of control: What if it's never the right time? It just seems that so unfair that it's an impossibility that it would never work, but still... It gets to me sometimes.
He messages me "I'll be ok hun i promise...this just happens i know it makes you feel helpless...trust me i feel helpless." He doesn't know I'm crying or why I'm crying. I know he messaged me that because he thinks I'm down about him being sick. Again, with the signs. It just seems uncanny for him to say that right at the moment I needed to hear it. Which of course made me cry more... Can it really be the universe is conspiring to help us?
Jason has been sick and under the weather with horrendous allergies. I feel so helpless, because I can't do anything to help him. I don't even know if I could do anything if we were together. I feel helpless because I can't do much to make him feel happy even for a moment because he feels so crummy and sick.
So we're talking about how they're going to create this awesome set of biking trails where he lives. He says "if I'm still here when it finishes I could easily see myself getting into biking." I tell him that's great, and that I wish there were more things like that around here, and he says "I'm sorry that you don't have that where you live." Then it's like it hits me... I know that I could never ask him to leave. I know he would miss it, and I would feel guilty.
We've talked about the moving thing, but we can't do anything right now because of money and it's just not the right time. So my mind goes out of control: What if it's never the right time? It just seems that so unfair that it's an impossibility that it would never work, but still... It gets to me sometimes.
He messages me "I'll be ok hun i promise...this just happens i know it makes you feel helpless...trust me i feel helpless." He doesn't know I'm crying or why I'm crying. I know he messaged me that because he thinks I'm down about him being sick. Again, with the signs. It just seems uncanny for him to say that right at the moment I needed to hear it. Which of course made me cry more... Can it really be the universe is conspiring to help us?
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