i think i just need some reassurance/advice...please help!

[preetix3]

well here goes my story...

ok well i met my boyfriend 3-4 years ago, we instantly clicked and became the best of friends. last year he told me he likes me and i did too. so he asked me out and i said yes. we were together for about a month. i'm not really sure why he broke up with me but i guess the time wasn't right...he was kicked out of his house and he told me we would have no way of communicating because he was getting his phone cut off since he had to pay for an apt, food, etc. all on his on with like a $5 an hour job. But he never got his phone cut off, so we kept talking and nothing changed between us. we were still the best of friends, the way we were before we started dating. later, his parents took him back. so then i got pretty busy and i kind of just stopped talking to him for about 5 months or so. after we started talking again, he asked me out again. after he proved to me he was serious this time, i said yes. we've been together for about 2 months now and im very happy with him =]

by the way, we live about 2000 miles apart. hes 17 and im 18 and we've never met.

anyways now im just really afraid of getting hurt again. i REALLY love this guy and i actually trust him (i have trust issues). he tells me everything he does. for example, he used to be a bartender and he would get alot of girls giving him their numbers. he would tell me about them and throw them away. but i just don't want to lose him. ive talked to him about this and he says he feels the same way about me. he always apologizes for breaking up with me before. he says he really regrets it. but i said its whatever ya know, let the past go. im not going to hold that against him. he sent me a ring and wrote me a really long letter explaining how he feels and all that but i don't know why im so scared. i havent trusted anybody more than i trust him. i guess i get these trust issues from my last relationship. i gave this guy my all and he ended up hurting me really badly. but my question is what can i do to stop being so afraid? im basically living in fear, i tell myself dont worry hes a great guy and he wont leave again. but i dont know ughh =/

Do you think im just letting this fear get to my head or what? Or am i just being too emotional? i really love this guy and im so afraid to lose him. Am I just paranoid?

anyways any advice/opinions would be helpful. thanks.

[Rach321]

It's a normal response to what you've experienced with him. I've known my SO for almost 9 years. When we met (I was 20 and he was 25), we fell in love fairly quickly (after about 6 months of email communication and a couple of in-person visits). We then dated off and on for about two years. Things would be going great, and then suddenly he'd want space, so he'd break up with me (this happened 3 times). I was heartbroken, as I knew we both still loved each other. After the third time, we both realized that the timing was wrong. We dated other people and would occasionally see each other and rekindle our romance, but we were never official. He told me that if he ever told me he wanted to get back together, it would be for good (marriage, etc.) But he just wasn't ready for it and wasn't sure that he wanted to be with someone long term. Then almost 2.5 years ago, he came to me and said that he wanted to be with me. And we've been together ever since. Of course, we've had difficult patches due to the distance and other reasons, but he hasn't faltered in his committment to me this time. It took me a VERY long time to truly trust that things weren't going to be like they were in the past. And I still occasionaly have my doubts (we still don't have a definitive plan as to when we'll no longer be long distance, which worries me sometimes), but overall I feel my heart is safe with him.

I'm not sure what advice I can give you. It's a big gamble to give your heart to someone (anyone). So there is always a risk that you will be hurt. You are both young, so settling down can be difficult at your age- regardless of how much you love each other. I've had my heart broken more times than I'd like to remember, but honestly, I wouldn't trade those experiences for the world. Be cautious with your heart, but don't close yourself off to love. I think that's the best advice I could give you based on what I've learned in love.

[garnet]

I think since he's hurt you before, it's very normal to be a bit worried now. I am sure his being so young was a factor in his previous actions too, as well as his RL drama he had to deal with. He sounds like he is making a sincere effort now though. We can't tell you that it will last forever with fairytale ending, but it sounds like he is really trying. The only thing you can do is take it one day at a time and enjoy what you have with him now.
Being LDR has it's own worries, and as I've learned, trust is all you have. So if you love him, give it to him for as long as he deserves it. Try not to obsess on losing him. He has done what he can to show you he loves you, so enjoy the moment.
I wish you guys the best!

[agentholli]

I agree with the other ladies above. It sounds like he is making a great effort.

[xsomanymilesx]

i understand where you are coming from, if someoen you love with all your heart breaks up with you, it takes a long time to get back to how you used to be.
i have trust issues too from the past, and it always seems i make an excuse for not being completely open, like with my boyfriend now, i sometimes wont say stuff because i think,.. we havent been together that long, what if he leaves me? ect... but that is (as i am slowly learning) an irrational fear. i've discovered you cant stop people from loving you/being there for you. as much as you cant stop someone leaving you if they want to. so being afraid is just going to get you down when whatever will happen will happen anyway. its inevitable.
i'm slowly learning to trust him.. hes never hurt me but theres always that niggle in the back of your mind and i understand, the best advice i can give you is to keep talking to him about how you are feeling, if he truly loves you like he says he does he will be there to love/reassure you til the end, and then some

[Mio]

I hope you can build a strong relationship now. I understand why you would be hurt at the moment, but always remember that first, he was only llike 16 when this happened, and maybe he didn't know how to handle all the stress from the other situation. Take care girl!