Cheating obsession?!

[Sharon Q]

Ever since my SO moved he's been obsessed with the thought of me cheating.

I get it I do. We had a friend cheat on her husband. He thinks I may get horny and do the same.

He doesn't want me hanging out with guys alone in my room. I understand this.

Before that was established I was going to hang out with a guy friend alone in my room I wasn't thinking
But when he pointed out how wrong it was and I realized it sounded bad so I canceled plans with the guy and stopped talking to him, Not because of my SO but because he kept bringing up sex and " supposed feelings " he had for me knowing I was with someone, It made me uncomfortable. So I stopped talking to him.

And I didn't tell him I hung out with a friend named Dylan. Because the plan was to just hang out with Tori. My girlfriend. And she had told him she would hang out with him as well. So it was the three of us. I didn't even think to tell him because I never thought anything of it being that I was with my girlfriend and didn't know he was joining us until before she came to get me.

And now apparently ^ that is a mark in his book because I didn't tell him until today. For one it slipped my mind and two we were fighting for the past two days so I never brought it up.

I already know what to do about it. But I wont go into that its long. Nothing bad just letting him know I only want him.

But does anyone else have this problem ? Like with your SO thinking you will jump and screw the first person you see of the opposite sex?

[kteire]

The two of you need to talk about trust issues. He needs to trust you, and he shouldn't be getting angry about you hanging out with a male friend, one on one or otherwise. You don't have to tell him every time a guy shows up to your plans with other friends. I don't have that issue, personally, my SO and I both have friends of the opposite sex and we're both comfortable with that, so long as those friends don't cross a line. I can see how hanging out with someone who has feelings for you isn't a good situation, but if your friends aren't all like that, he needs to learn to be ok with you having guy friends.

But yeah, let him know you only want him, as you said, and ask him about why he's having a hard time trusting you. You'll need to communicate about his insecurities to develop a more trusting relationship!

[Zapookie]

I think this is your SO displaying his insecurities for you to see. He feels that he's not enough for you. It's not that he doesn't trust you. But really, you guys need to have a talk about this. Sensibly, without arguing or raising voices. He needs to understand that he's the only person you want in your life. Try and re-iterate that to him as often as possible. Sometimes guys need a little bit of encouragement and need to hear those comforting words, too.

[Silvaria]

I've been in his place.

Last year I was literally obsessed with the idea of my SO cheating. Like you said, I was positive he was going to get horny, and not be able to "keep it in his pants"...the fact that he's handsome, charming, and intelligent made it worse. Women seem to flock to him, and that was driving me insane.

I even talked to a couple of his friends from childhood...both immediately assured me that he was a faithful and loyal boyfriend, and had NEVER cheated on a girlfriend...and they've both known him since they were all 8 years old.

This didn't stop my paranoia, and it eventually drove us apart for a time. During that period, I began to realize that he really hadn't done anything to make me think he was cheating, and that I was acting on my own insecurities (and the fact that I've been cheated on before). So when we got back together, I promised him that I wouldn't be worried about it again.

And I've kept to that...sure, I've had a few moments here and there of worry, but then I remind myself that he's with ME, not anyone else...he's here because he wants to be, and that I'm the lucky woman he has chosen to love.

So yes, I do understand, but from the other side...unfortunately, I'm not sure what advice to give you. My SO did a bunch of stuff last year to reassure me he loved only me, but it didn't stop my irrational jealousy. I'm afraid that this may be something that has to come from within HIM, and there's little you can do about it, other than to have a serious talk and tell him how his jealousy is affecting YOU. If it's driving you away from him, be sure and tell him that, as well. That's what really made me finally work on my jealousy issues...knowing that I'd driven him away with it. I mean, how long can a person keep being accused of something they're not doing before they finally throw their hands up in the air in frustration and walk away...?

[kiara_silver]

I had a weak moment after he left. I was fine but had a talk with my nana, she just started telling me things and how I should expect him to cheat on me, her words were "never assume he isn't" In her defence she really does believe that all men at one point in there life will cheat on you. And she really did scare me. Most of the men in my life have cheated at one point or another. And so I kind of freaked out after her saying all this to me out of the blue. It wasn't that I didn't trust him, it was just the way she said it like it was fact,and the memories of seeing it happen in my family. But we talked and he reassured me, promised me that he would never cheat on me while he is with me. And I believed him, and I knew it before he said it but, I was just upset over it. The thing it boils down to is trust. Your SO has to just trust you, if he doesn't the relationship won't work. Course it works on both parts you have to be trust worthy and be able to trust him as well. Ldr's are hard but to make them work you have to put faith in your SO.

[Rugger]

As I always post, relationships are built on trust. No trust = No relationship.

[Sharon Q]

We talked about it. I'm not too sure if it helped He tried to say its because he doesnt trust me, which I know is bull. I know its just because he's being insecure and doesn't want to admit it. I honestly think the only reason he is worried about it because of what our friend did, and because I almost invited a guy in my room alone without really thinking about it. But I told him about it and as soon as he said he didn't feel comfortable with it I told my friend I had a change in plans, and we didn't hang out.

I just wasnt thinking about how wrong it may have been I was just sad and alone and I would have hung out with anyone that asked me to.

I've told him from now on I'll think about things and I will tell him my plans. So hopefully with time he will feel he can trust me again. I love him and I would never do anything like that to hurt him.

[Ms.Justine]

Girl, this guy has some serious insecurities relationships are built on trust and respect. Don't feel guilty you're a grown woman if you want to spend time with you friends you can. He needs to suck it up and realize that if you're gonna cheat there's nothing he can do about it when it all comes down to it. Close distance or Long distance it doesn't matter the odds are still the same. He needs to trust you, that you're with him for a reason. He can't control you like a whipped dog or something or scorn you or make you feel stupid and inappropriate as a child would feel...You need to have a serious talk about this. I would not stand for it one bit.

[Sharon Q]

I've been with him off and on. For three years, I told him last night that if I was going to cheat on him I would have by now. Idk if he feels any better about it now tho. We didn't talk much tonight he has to get up at 4 am to go hunting with his step dad. But next time we get to talk I'll bring it up.