My dad's disapproval...

[HollzHeartsChris]

Well, my dad told me today that whilst I'm still under the same roof as him, he won't let me go anywhere near America so I can go and meet my SO. He's told me that he doesn't know what I'm capable of and it would seem as though he mistrusts me even when I say I wouldn't just run off to Arizona to meet Chris and leave him and my mum back in the UK worried sick about me. He's known me since the day I was born, surely he can trust me on this? He said I can still talk to Chris, but he doesn't want to hear anything about it. He refuses point blank to accept him.

He suffers from depression, diabetes and a number of other ailments. He's going blind, and he's had a dreadful amount of bad luck during his life to say the least. He is extremely mistrustful of people, he doesn't believe long distance ever works out and this is making things really hard. I don't know what to do, because right now my emotions are all over the place. I just feel completely trapped on all sides.

[littlethinktank]

Hmmm, that’s really tough! I wonder why your Dad would react like that. Without any further insight in your situation I’d recommend you sit down with your dad and discuss the issue.
Try to find out why he won’t accept Chris. What are his reasons for disliking him? Has anything happened in the past that could have triggered his negative reaction?

I’d also ask him why he won’t trust you? Does he really believe you’d just run off? Maybe you can explain to him that you are looking for their support and you’d love to share with them how
happy you are with Chris. Maybe if they learn more about him they would feel more comfortable with your relationship. You could also mention that his negative reaction to the situation
encourages you to make decisions on your own rather than to share your plans with them. I'd just try to have a calm and rational conversation and try to diffuse (what I assume to be) your
Dad’s worries.

ps. Having cases of severe depression in my own family I know that sometimes it feels like arguing with a brick wall and that it makes no impact no matter what you are saying! Hang in
there and try to be patient.

I hope it works out for you and your Dad comes around!

[JennyRW]

you need to talk to your dad, explain him that it is reallly hurtful that he doesn't trust you... And about Chris maybe it would be a better idea if he goes to you, so your parents can meet him and see that he makes you happy

[HollzHeartsChris]

There's a number of reasons as to why my dad has this outlook on things. Let's just say life has not been kind to him. He's had terrible bad luck in the past and it has molded him into the person he is today. My mum changed things around for him and gave him a kind of love and affection he'd never had before. He had to wait years before his pain ended. He's living with the scars of everything that's happened to him still, and he's never been able to get over everything. For him, it's just been one stroke of bad luck after another, and my mum and me are his saving graces. It's the hardest thing in the world trying to sit down and discuss this with him when he's so closed-minded about the whole thing, trust me.

My dad is just highly mistrustful and suspicious by nature, I guess. It's because of everything that's happened to him, and also his other daughter, my half-sister, broke his trust as well as his heart. So yeah. He's afraid of "failing" me, as he did her he told me.

I'm 18.

[JennyRW]

ok but you never did anything to lose his trust so it's unfair and hurtful that he doesn't trust you and that is an importat thing that you should talk with him. and you also can explain to him that the fact that he doesn't trust you, treat you in this unfair way and hurt you is only going to push you away from him and that is the last thing that you want.

[LeilaniJoi]

If your parents aren't comfortable about you traveling to the USA (and I can kind of understand this as a parent) why not have your SO fly to you? It would help them realize you two are serious and allow them to be able to make sure you're safe. Let's face it, flying to a different country to meet someone always carries risk and especially if your father is not the kind to pick up and travel internationally, this might make him more cautious about being comfortable with you going. He's probably worried and displaying it the only way he's comfortable...

I remember my mother any time I went out of town to meet friends and how worried she was, and I was well over 18 years old O.o

[Moon]

Totally agree with LeilaniJoi, I think you need to try him traveling to you. My daughter is 22, and I'd flip if she were going to another country to be with some guy she met on the internet, even though she's a level-headed adult that I DO trust. Like it or not, it's just different with daughters, and especially with fathers of daughters. Parents worry more because there are more things that can go wrong when it's a daughter than a son. Your father is unlikely to be very comfortable with the opportunities technology brings, he didn't grow up with this stuff like you did. If he can meet your guy, in your country, first then it'll make him see that your SO is serious enough to travel for you first in order to make your dad more comfortable, then you've got a better shot at traveling after that.

[Engel]

Totally agree with LeilaniJoi, I think you need to try him traveling to you. My daughter is 22, and I'd flip if she were going to another country to be with some guy she met on the internet, even though she's a level-headed adult that I DO trust. Like it or not, it's just different with daughters, and especially with fathers of daughters. Parents worry more because there are more things that can go wrong when it's a daughter than a son. Your father is unlikely to be very comfortable with the opportunities technology brings, he didn't grow up with this stuff like you did. If he can meet your guy, in your country, first then it'll make him see that your SO is serious enough to travel for you first in order to make your dad more comfortable, then you've got a better shot at traveling after that.

That.

I was really lucky because I was going to switzerland to visit my family and thats how I had the chance to meet my so two months after we started talking online. But even with me in Europe, he was the one that had to go from Germany to switzerkand first, the first two weekends actually, and met my aunt and uncle at the same time he met me, and thats is what led my mother trust him enough to let me go visit him in germany, that and some miracle! because she almost never let me sleep in friends house, and NEVER at a guys house.

so she letting me stay in my sos house in another country while she was in brazil far far away... i take it as a sign from the heavens i was supposed to be with this guy!

[Sierra]

Well I hate to say it, but if you are being supported by him, not paying him rent and what not, he does have a say in what you do and do not do. If you're paying him rent and supporting yourself that's a different story.

When I was younger my mom really limited what I was able to do, but guess what, she was paying for my food, shelter, clothes, phone, car insurance ... once I took on my own responsibilities I got to say 'Hey mom, I get to do whatever I want, and you can be mad and worried about my safety but it's my life.'

I'm sorry that this is coming between you meeting your SO, but give it time and I'm sure you guys can figure out something.

[Elissa]

[QUOTE=Sierra;148928]Well I hate to say it, but if you are being supported by him, not paying him rent and what not, he does have a say in what you do and do not do. If you're paying him rent and supporting yourself that's a different story.

Mm, I disagree. Technically, she can do whatever she wants, being an adult and all, but there of course would be consequences. I do hope you get to meet soon, OP Things like this work themselves out eventually.

[bluishskin]

Totally agree with LeilaniJoi, I think you need to try him traveling to you. My daughter is 22, and I'd flip if she were going to another country to be with some guy she met on the internet, even though she's a level-headed adult that I DO trust. Like it or not, it's just different with daughters, and especially with fathers of daughters. Parents worry more because there are more things that can go wrong when it's a daughter than a son. Your father is unlikely to be very comfortable with the opportunities technology brings, he didn't grow up with this stuff like you did. If he can meet your guy, in your country, first then it'll make him see that your SO is serious enough to travel for you first in order to make your dad more comfortable, then you've got a better shot at traveling after that.

This.

Well I hate to say it, but if you are being supported by him, not paying him rent and what not, he does have a say in what you do and do not do. If you're paying him rent and supporting yourself that's a different story.

And this. Which is another reason why it's a lot better if he visits you and you introduce him to your father, instead of the other way around.
Be patient and take one step of a time. Good luck!

[Sharon Q]

What about having your parents come with you to meet him, surely they would want to see another part of the world and it would be like going on a family vacation whilst meeting your SO at the same time. Then maybe they could get to know him and understand why you want to be with him I understand you are an adult but if my kid ever wanted to go out of the country especially to meet some guy I would want to go with them.

Think of how it sounds to them. Here is how they see it :

" My child who I love and raised all these years wants to go meet some guy she has only met online, she knows nothing about him for all we know he could be a serial killer. I don't want my little girl getting hurt. what if he ditches her and she can't get back? what if she gets lost or seriously hurt. "

And that is how they see this. As most parents would no matter what your age is.

If you offer to have them come with you I'm sure they would feel more comfortable with you going to see him.

[uniquefem]

the only way is you ask him to come and visit you and your family.

I think some parents had fears that their children will leave them and never come back.

When i start traveling my mom not really do care about where i go and with whom, and how long... but when she know that i had a serious BF in Germany, she hold my hand at airport and ask me if i will go back home. Its shocking question for me :P its not that she never care... but i think she just afraid that i will stay with my SO in Germany and leave my family in Indonesia... i think they know that for love people could do anything even leave their family behind (well not for al case.. but still its the fears they had in mind)

With your father situation i think its increase his insecure feeling... sorry to hear it.. its unfair ..but yeah i think every one in here draw same conclusion... your SO should be the one who visit you

[Laura_N]

I'm not the OP and I probably shouldn't speak for her, but what I have understood from HollzHeartChris's previous posts and threads, I doubt there will be a chance of him going to meet her for a while. But what I would suggest is the same as Sharon Q. Going on a family vacation together, if there only was a chance to it financial and time wise. It would be a great opportunity for you all, and a good chance for your SO to prove that he's a good guy. Another thing I was thinking was perhaps if there is not a possibility to see each other like that, maybe your father or mother (or both) could meet him through Skype and webcam? I understand they might be a little reluctant, but for sure they must be curious to see who is it who you talk to and who is it who you love. I think it could be something to consider, and maybe a way to reassure them a little bit.

But like everyone else have said, some as parents, even though your father surely trusts you it's just natural he is doubtful about it. I never told my mother until afterwards that I met my SO face to face while I was on a trip with my friend. She didn't even know she existed. I wanted to see and wait how it goes before I told anything to my mom. Someone else would have flipped but she took it very well. Then again, I was with a friend, I'm not underage and I was familiar with the country and the city before. However my relationship with my mother has always been a bit extraordinary, so.

Just the best of luck and strenght, honey x x x

[Moon]

A family vacation from the UK to the US isn't cheap, I don't think the OP asking for that is realistic unless her family had some desire to go to begin with. When you consider airfare, hotel, car rental, and meals, you're talking big bucks. Her father isn't going to want to stay in some hostel, eating off the dollar menu from McDonald's. Spending that kind of cash, just so your kid can meet her internet boyfriend just isn't gonna fly.

Unfortunately, with their situations, it might be a few years before the OP gets to meet him. I think that she should start saving up money now, and in a few years, when her dad isn't so influential, she'll be all ready to go.