Relationship "break"

[Paxman40L]

Well..I posted about two threads about my GF saying that she needed to talk to me about how she isn't strong enough...blah blah blah. I went to go see her and it was an amazing time. We both really enjoyed each others company and I even fell for her all over again. The last day I was there we talked about taking a break. Now, I'm not one to take breaks...but I agreed to it. What the hell does a break entail? Her friends at her school were asking who I was and she was saying that I was just a really good friend. Everyday she says that she loves me and all that relationship stuff. I accidentally called her my GF on skype today and she said that we don't call each other BF or GF while on a break. She also said that she got some guys phone number while salsa dancing and she said that she wouldn't have done that if we were together. She said that it is OK for me to date other people and I told her that I didn't want to because there is one person who I want to be with. I didn't tell her that I wanted her to date other people because that would make me really upset. Just finding out that she got some guys phone number made me cry a little. Emotional much? I really don't understand this break.. She told me that she wants to be with me but wants to do this break. I don't know how to go about handling myself...do I talk her? Do I do anything? Is "Let's take a break" a precursor for "Let's break up"? I just don't know!!!! We talked about her coming out here for a few days and I brought that up tonight and she said that we shouldn't plan for someone to fly across the country to see the other person while on a break....Isn't that basically what I did? Damn! Any thoughts or advice would be greatly appreciated.

[Mara]

I'm sorry to say this break sounds a lot like a break up. It really sounds like the real issue is she wants to see other people while she keeps you on the hook. I would ask her straight out whether or not she wants to be with you or not. It isn't fair to you if she's going to see other people while still stringing you along [which sounds a lot like what she's doing]. Either she wants to be with you or she doesn't.

[Laura_N]

I'm really sorry to read about your situation, because that is so unfair to you.

I have my own experience to share. I was on a break with my SO back in spring, but it was due to her personal life being so messed up that she couldn't really handle everything at once. On a way I understood it but I took it very personally even though she assured me it wasn't because of me. I was down about it, but we both agreed it wasn't a break-up and we wouldn't date other people. We just had a month when we didn't really talk to each other and I gave her space. It ended well and afterwards we were much better, because she wasn't as depressed as she had been and it didn't affect on me anymore. So it doesn't automatically need to mean you're going to break up.

However, the break your girlfriend is suggesting doesn't sound like a break to me. It sounds like a chance for her to be with other guys. Even while you're on a break, you should still be girlfriend and boyfriend - otherwise she can do whatever she wants with anyone, and I don't think that's what a break should be about. It's not fair from her to make rules like that, because you are still on a relationship when you're on a break. I'm sorry, but it seems to me like she isn't as into the whole thing as you are. You should definitely have a straightforward conversation with her, because nobody deserves to get hurt like that. I wish you all the best!

[Sunnyside193]

I agree it doesnt sound like a typical break yet that just could be the way your "gf" thinks a break should be. basically you just have to have a conversation with her and see if she just wants a break or is trying to break up with you. Dont get down she just might think this is what a break entails

[xo_Kayla]

However, the break your girlfriend is suggesting doesn't sound like a break to me. It sounds like a chance for her to be with other guys.

I agree as well. It really seems like she just wants to take advantage of this "break" and be with other guys. You should definitely confront her on the situation. It's nor fair for anyone to be treated this way. I'm sorry you're hurting, and I hope all goes well.

[Kerry]

the 1st thought I had was she broke up with you. if she wanted to be with you she wouldn't have asked for a break. she doesn't sound like the right girl for you. good luck!

[msskunk]

well, it's a strange situation. For me its a real break up because she want to get attention for another guys. If she really want to be with you, she won't mind if you call her as your gf and she will tell her friend that you are her special friend.

[HollzHeartsChris]

I don't honestly understand the necessity for a break. I hate to say it but it does sound extremely strange to me. Maybe she loves you a lot but isn't quite strong enough to deal with the distance, in which case she should tell you straight out that she's having difficulties combating the distance. Or maybe she wants to break up with you because you're not around all the time and wants to have another guy's company. I can't honestly say for sure, and I don't want to jump to conclusions or make assumptions when there's a chance I could be wrong. Either way, whatever is going on, you need to talk to her about it and tell her how you feel and discuss what she feels too on the matter. Then hopefully you'll have your answer. Best of luck, and I hope things work out alright for you

[Kanga]

Maybe, it's just me, but I really don't see the point of breaks. Especially, if you are going out to get other guys numbers. When I think of breaks, I think more of you need time to yourself for whatever reason, want to work on yourself, and figure out if you want to be or need to be in a relationship at that point and time. I don't think breaks are a good idea in my opinion, but if that's what is working for you. Go for it.

Like what someone else said about the stringing you along, while she hangs out with other guys. Ask her does she want to be together or not.

[rusty15]

It sounds like she doens't want a break, she wants to break-up since she is getting other guys numbers.

[Ms.Justine]

Damn...Reading this kind of pissed me off a bit. I CANNOT STAND girls like this...who want a "security guy" but don't actually want to date him just use them to get whatever emotional, physically or sick psychological needs out of them and just throw them away like they are dispensable. Or what makes it even worse that she TELLS YOU all the romantics in private but is seems she has no intentions of actually dating you. And the stupid thing is she wants you to see other people? This is NOT a normal break up. She is just too much of wimp to actually break up with you.

I hope this doesn't sound too rude but this is seriously my "sassy black girl coming out" : YOU NEED TO FORGET THIS GIRL, AND MOVE ON TO THE NEXT ONE SON! FOR REAL SHE IS WASTING YOUR TIME AND BREAKING YOUR HEART AT THE SAME TIME!!!

You seem like a really nice sensitive guy, and I promise you there will be another girl a BETTER girl who will appreciate you for all of your greatness.

[Miramaid]

I too think that it doesn't sound good at all. It is either you are together or you are not. There are really no grey areas in a relationship. If there is thn it is not a normal relationship and something is wrong.
I think the best thing to do is to let her know that there will be no breaks and it is either she is with you or not and if she is then you both try to work on it and make it grow.

[Paxman40L]

I told her today that I was pissed off for various reasons and then I preceded to tell her about them. She responded by saying that this is her first time doing a break and she is sorry if she isn't perfect. I never once asked her to be perfect. I don't want someone who is perfect. I told her that I feel like she is pushing me away. She responded by saying "I would push away someone I've tried so hard to become close with". I don't know if I put her reasons for the break in my first post..but I'll say them again if I did. She said that she is having a tough time adjusting to the college life. I understand that. Her family isn't exactly supportive of her going into her field and she is going to one of the top school in the nation for it. I went through a similar process except I had my family to fall back on. The other reason is that her dad is insane when it comes to the American tradition with everything. Long story. She has told me that she wants to be with me. I have told her many times that I want to be with her. I feel like she says one thing but does the other. When she told me about getting a guy's number last night she said that she isn't actively looking for anything. I don't know if I trust her or not. I really like this girl and it's been a while since I have been with anyone because my last break up really destroyed me. I'm just really happy that I did find someone..but now it sounds like that I am going to lose it again. I've tried talking with her, but I don't get anywhere with the conversation. This just sucks. She said that she also wants to still celebrate our anniversaries.

I really appreciate the feedback I've gotten. I just wish that there was a simple "fix everything" answer...but where's the life experience if that answer existed...I honestly don't know what to think anymore. I texted her saying call if you want and she left me message and ended it by saying "I love you". guhhh... I don't know if what I wrote helped answer anything. Once again, I truly appreciate that feedback.

[Miramaid]

She sounds immature and sounds like she doesn't even know what in the World she wants. College life is not an excuse to treat someone poorly. In fact, she could be (not that she has to, but she could) find support in you if her family is not supportive (I really doubt a family would NOT SUPPORT of their child going to a top school even if they do not necessarily agree with her career choice. I think she is exaggerating)

Put your foot down. If you are nice to her, she should be nice to you. If you are together then you should both act like you are together

[JennyRW]

Like everybody else said, that is not a break, she is just keeping you on the hook while she does watever she wants! You should break up with her and make her respect you!

I'm sorry to say this break sounds a lot like a break up. It really sounds like the real issue is she wants to see other people while she keeps you on the hook. I would ask her straight out whether or not she wants to be with you or not. It isn't fair to you if she's going to see other people while still stringing you along [which sounds a lot like what she's doing]. Either she wants to be with you or she doesn't.