"i need a break"...

[JEREIANEDREI]

This past few months my SO keeps on asking for a break,.a space?,.
To be honest I can't really understand why he keeps on asking for it,.we've been in this LDR for 11 months now,.miles apart,.Guys im really in pain now,.I dont know what to do,.I need advices,.please can you give me some,.

I really love my SO so much,.no doubt,.with full trust and faith for the two of us..

Any idea or reason?,why he's doin this things to me?...
Guys help me,.how to cope up to this,.i feel so down and helpless now...

it really drivin me crazy

[snow_girl]

Didn't he ask for a break before? What happened with that one? Maybe he felt he wasn't getting enough space? You would have to ask him why he wants one. It sounds like maybe it is time to break up.

[kteire]

If he keeps asking for a break, you should go on a break. I'm not really a fan of the idea of breaks, but it sounds like he needs some space from you. It won't help the relationship to ignore that fact. This will be blunt, but you really really need to give him some room. I get the impression that you haven't respected his need for a bit of space. Yeah, it's scary, but getting more clingy when he wants you to be independent is only going to push him away more.

[Tabbylee]

If he wants a break you have to give him that. Find out why he needs a break. Give him the space he needs and don't let him know how much it's killing you.

[meglet_06]

You can't force someone to want to be with you. If he's asking for a break, it's probably pretty necessary. The more you hone in when he's asking for the space, the more he's going to want to get away all together. No one wants to be suffocated.

[Rugger]

Just because you guys are miles apart doesn't mean you are giving him the space he needs. Giving someone space is not just about physically not being around them, its about not talking to them as well. Honestly, you come across as really clingy (which is possible through constant contact like texting, skyping etc) and it sounds like he's fed up with you being a hemorrhoid.

You need to give him space, as in leave him alone. Do not text him. Do not call him. Do not e-mail him. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars. Leave him completely alone and let him come to you.

[JennyRW]

That must be hard. First he should tell a good reason for a break, like he didn't say ask him, then together try to look for solutions of that problems, but if he keep insisting on a brake without a good reason I would just break up with him. I actually don't believe in breaks, it just hurt too much, for me it would be a torture, its like being in the limbo, you are not in a relationship but you are not single either... So I am the kind of preson who would said relationship or no relationship, I don't accept middle points, I seriously prefer to break up before a break, at least in a reak up I know I'm single and I need to start healling to continue with my life... But that is me, its not everybodys view about a break so you must talk with him first

[Michelle]

I don't think breaks work. First off, when I think "break" I'm thinking a week or more and zero communication. If he needs a day or two to gather his thoughts and have alone time, then that's okay.

Breaks don't work because after a break you two will come together and have the same problems (and even more since you will be hurt because he needed a break from you). You can't work together on your problems without communication. In a good relationship couples will work through their issues together in a mature fashion.

Think of it this way... when you are finally together and have closed the distance, are you going to be able to take a break from each other? That will be impossible. You can't "shut off" the other person like you can in a long distance relationship. If you can learn to work together now before closing the distance you'll be prepared for your future together. Learning to handle relationship problems in ways that are not possible while in a non-distance relationship does not help you grow as a couple and does not set you up for success.

It's better to fight it out and come to a reasonable compromise or solution to your problem then to not talk about it all.

If he really desperately thinks he needs a break from you, then maybe he is actually wanting to break up and is too afraid to say it.

[leonsfangirl]

I'm with Michelle on this.
A break in my experience just delays the inevitable....the discussion,the fight,the break up etc. To me it seems that maybe he's had enough now and needs to stop the relationship either temporarily or permanently. You need to give him what he so obviously needs as he's asked more than once. We'll all be here for you to talk to while he decides what he wants to do next but you owe it to him and yourself to let him go.

[Sierra]

I agree with Michelle as well.

After reading several of your posts I really believe that your relationship is smothering him. I understand that you love him, but sometimes when you love something you have to let it go. There's no guarantee of the outcome of a 'break' but I think you have to come to terms with that.

Nobody likes having their heart broken, and while I don't believe in breaks, maybe it's what you guys need to repair your relationship, and maybe it's some time where you can learn to be less clingly and give enough space so he doesn't feel like he has to resort to this.

[Minerva]

I think breaks only work in special circumstances: something huge has shifted in your partner's life, like a death; or your partner has personal issues to work out, like getting mentally healthy or an addiction. Sometimes personal stuff just drowns a person and they need to break away from everything, even those that love them, to focus on figuring out priorities and to set themselves right.

But if the break is because the relationship itself? Let me just take the shortcut and say WORD to Michelle.

[HollzHeartsChris]

I agree with Michelle too, in my opinion breaks don't work. But perhaps he needs the space and the time alone to deal with things. Give him some space, ask him why he wants a break, and if he wants one....then let him.

[SquishyLove]

I'm with Michelle and others who don't believe in "breaks" - they only delay the inevitable. From the outside I see two people who have different needs, and while he may feel smothered, he should still be willing to communicate and be specific about what he wants or doesn't want from you. Like, how much communication is too much and how much is too little? Also, what may seem normal in a relationship to you (lots of communication) may feel like too much, or smothering, to him. He may not want this relationship anymore, unfortunately. I think even if you really love him, if he doesn't want the relationship anymore, you need to accept it and try to move on if he no longer wants to communicate. In LDR, communication is all you have honestly. If his needs are different from yours, then it's incompatible anyway. Love shouldn't be a game, love should be a mutual, respectful bond between two people who understand each other and who are able to communicate about their needs to each other. Also, it should be effort on both sides. It should be proportional. I hope for the best in your situation - I know it's not easy!

[Ms.Justine]

I don't think breaks work. First off, when I think "break" I'm thinking a week or more and zero communication. If he needs a day or two to gather his thoughts and have alone time, then that's okay.

Breaks don't work because after a break you two will come together and have the same problems (and even more since you will be hurt because he needed a break from you). You can't work together on your problems without communication. In a good relationship couples will work through their issues together in a mature fashion.

Think of it this way... when you are finally together and have closed the distance, are you going to be able to take a break from each other? That will be impossible. You can't "shut off" the other person like you can in a long distance relationship. If you can learn to work together now before closing the distance you'll be prepared for your future together. Learning to handle relationship problems in ways that are not possible while in a non-distance relationship does not help you grow as a couple and does not set you up for success.

It's better to fight it out and come to a reasonable compromise or solution to your problem then to not talk about it all.

If he really desperately thinks he needs a break from you, then maybe he is actually wanting to break up and is too afraid to say it.

My thoughts exactly!

[Silvaria]

To me, asking for a "break" is really just someone's way of easing into a break UP. As others have said, simply spending time apart doesn't repair the issues that are going wrong in the relationship. Either way, though, clinging to the relationship is not going to help. If he wants space, give it to him. It's going to hurt, but it sounds as if you're already going nuts, so what alternative do you really have?