Seriously need some advice.

[sarahrosestevey]

I'll make this short and sweet. Been with my boyfriend for around 6 months. I'm 22, he's 25. Before me, he was engaged with a girl he was with for six years. They broke up around January this year, so I guess, given the time they were together, is still pretty recent.

I am here atm visiting. My first night, his phone was sitting beside me. He gets a text, that I can see (iPhones w/ their message preview) that says "Hey, I really need to talk to you, but not around Sarah". I didn't say anything, but later he picks up his phone and goes downstairs. Is gone for ages, comes back looking a bit sheepish and then texts all night but hides the screen from me.

Few nights later, I'm still feeling pretty rotten about that happend. So, I do something really bad and pick up his work phone. On there are texts to his ex, dated about two weeks ago. Saying he is still madly in love with her and hes thinking about maybe leaving me. I'm heartbroken, and I cry. He asks what is wrong, and I tell him it's about the other night. He reassures me nothing is wrong, he is in love with me and that he's in this 100%. He is always telling me this, and is always so caring and affectionate.

He just doesn't know I read these texts. I feel terrible for doing it, and I know its a violation of privacy - probably why I got instant karma. I'm still here for a few more days... how do I bring it up? Or do I even bring it up at all? Should I just count my losses and go home early?

I'm really heartbroken.

[Biddlybiddlybombop]

Wow. I'm so sorry to hear that.

I'm not actually too sure about what you should do. But I don't think you should do nothing. Whether you just pack up and go, or confront him, you have to do SOMETHING.

It does sound like he's still emotionally attached to that relationship, and no matter how much you love him, he needs the time and space to heal over from that relationship. He can't make you happy right now, because he's sneaking around and messaging her.

Just get out. Getting caught up in his baggage won't be healthy for you or your relationship with him. He's showing a massive lack of commitment and respect, and you DESERVE better.

[Ms.Justine]

Yikes! Well I think as bad as it was to read the message...at least you know the truth. And unfortunately no matter how painful it is you should confess and tell him what you saw and read...Because if it doesn't come out now it'll surely happen later while you're apart. And I don't think it's fair of you to be lied to and perhaps when you leave he has an affair with his ex on the side? Who knows the possibilities are endless. I truly think you need to take this one by the horns and just do it.

[kteire]

You should bring it up. Snooping is never a good thing, but what you found is worse. You need to tell him that you saw it. He was being extremely suspicious by disappearing to make a phone call and secretively texting all night, and that's extremely unfair to you. It's even just rude for texting when you have a guest!!
I would honestly consider leaving early. If he's saying these things in texts, you deserve better, and he can't give it to you. I wouldn't say it's karma, because he was doing that several weeks before you found out.

[Bethypoo]

Wow. All i can say is that you deserve better. If he is not ready to move on from his ex then it is not in your best interests until he decides what to do with you. Talk to him. Tell him you looked and why. Tell him how you feel and let him know that if he is not ready to be with you then you need to do what is best for you and go.

You are worth more than this hun. Don't put up with it.

[sarahrosestevey]

Thank you so much. I'm just sitting in his room while he's at work, crying. I love him so much. I think I might just book into a hotel for the last few nights, and tell him why I've done this. I'm just so heartbroken.

[Rugger]

Honestly. If I found texts like that, I would confront and then leave him. I am not going to date someone who is not going to give me their full heart. Neither should you. You deserve someone who love you and only you, not his ex girlfriend. Yes, it was wrong for you to snoop, but it's also wrong for him to lie and string you alone.

Make arrangements to go home and confront him.

[Ms.Justine]

Thank you so much. I'm just sitting in his room while he's at work, crying. I love him so much. I think I might just book into a hotel for the last few nights, and tell him why I've done this. I'm just so heartbroken.

Oh my god hun, i'm so sorry. I feel awful for you. Before you book one maybe talk to him first? But if you really feel that strongly about it just take a look and see what your options are and maybe choose a place and if things do go bad you can instantly book it and leave. Perhaps pack your stuff too just incase things go bad... But i really hope they don't.

Edit: But you really do not deserve to be the girl on the side..or the rebound girl cause it clearly sounds like this guy isn't over his ex. And he shouldn't be wasting your time and playing with your emotions like that. You'll find someone else believe in that karma c:

[sarahrosestevey]

It's just really hard, because to get to where he lives it's about a $400 plane flight, and right now I just cannot afford to pay this again to come home. As with staying in a hotel, but I still have four nights here. Every time he kisses me, or tells me he loves me I just feel sick to m stomach. I just feel so guilty for even snooping, but I know I need to say something.

Thank you for the advice though. I appreciate it so much.

[Silvaria]

Damn, I am so sorry to hear you are going through this pain.

Regarding the snooping, I know it wasn't "right", but considering his suspicious behavior, he brought it on himself. Besides, isn't it better to know and be able to make an informed decision rather than to not know and be hit out-of-the-blue at some point?

When he comes home from work, I would consider confronting him. Tell him that you're not going to played any longer, and you wish them the best of luck. Then walk out with your head held high, go to a hotel room, and allow yourself to start grieving, but keep in mind that HE is the slime-ball for doing this behind your back. All you've really "lost" is a liar, and this makes room in your heart to find a "real" man who won't treat you this way.

Good luck, and please keep us posted.

Edited to add: Oops, I posted before I read your latest reply. Hmm, lack of money does make it hard to walk out. Do you have enough for even a cheap motel room, like Motel 6 or something? Honestly, I couldn't stand to even be in the same room with him, much less the same house. That must be tearing you apart, emotionally...are there any alternatives for you at all, someone who could wire you money for a room?

[Joyce:)]

I am so sorry. My boyfriend lets me look through his phone since "he has nothing to hide" and i still ended up finding a conversation with a girl that broke my heart. It may be bad to look through someone else's phone, but that allowed you to find out the truth. I'm sorry you're so heartbroken, you really don't deserve this and you don't deserve to be the "other girl" or the back up plan.
Confront him about the texts, and get a hotel for the last nights. He's such a pig for telling you these lies, and no girl should ever go through this.
I hope you feel better soon, and i hope you'll meet someone who wants you and only you.

[Minerva]

I'm not one for snooping, but I don't know many people who wouldn't if their SO was acting that cagey and rude. I'm not going to say what you did was OK, but it's understandable, and it's better to know this is going on than be in the dark about it.

I know you love him, but don't give up your dignity. He's not being fair to you or his ex. In fact, I'll go so far as to say he's an asshole, because he's lying to you about what's going on. Don't let yourself be treated like this. Go to the hotel, and leave, and don't look back.

*hugs*

I'm so sorry.

[Bethypoo]

Dont feel bad for snooping. Look at what you found and now you know that you need to confront him. You are not suppose to be the girl on the side and the guy you are suppose to be with wont be talking to an ex or any other girl for that matter. You wouldnt be crying and thinking about going home if he was the one you are suppose be with.

I am with some of the others on here. 100% confront him. Full blown out tell him how you feel and all of your concerns. And then tell him that he needs to figure out what he wants because you dont want or deserve to be the rebound girl. And then decide to go to a hotel or sleep on the couch. But stand up for yourself.

[Sunnyside193]

Im so sorry for you. Obviously you cant let it go unspoken about especially while it eats away at you. Your going to have to talk to him about and yes he probably wont be happy for your snooping but tell him he didnt seem like himself and was just trying to make sure he was alright. Unfortunately for that sort of message its pretty hard to have a decent excuse for it. So be prepared for a not ideal response.

[Malaga]

He effectively cheated on you. Even worse, he didn't even have the decency to stop while you were there, but he sneaked out for an inappropriate chat with his ex while you were in his room. I know it's hard when you care about him :-/ But if I were you I wouldn't even listen to what he had to say. I'd just give him the boot right there and then, and leave. If you back down, he'll just continue to manipulate you, and things are going to get worse.

Don't want to be mean, but he doesn't sound very bright to be honest. He's been secretly exchanging lovey dovey messages with his ex for awhile, but he leaves the message preview option on and the phone right next to you. I've never peeked at my boyfriend's phone but if it's right next to me when a text arrives, the noise startles me and I instinctively glance at it. I try not to read but you can't help but see what's on.

You deserve so much better, and he'll be good riddance.

Good luck xx