I may get slammed for this...

[Minerva]

Here in America, "dating" -- when not used with an SO such as "I'm dating Kevin now," -- is something single people do to sort of "tryout" if someone is the right person. A person might have many dates with different people in a month. It's getting sort of rare to use the term "date" for something one does with an actual established partner. "Date" implies you don't know someone very well yet. Not always, people do still use it in the original sense, but if a friend told me she had a date on Friday night and I didn't know if she was single or not, I'd assume single. If she has an SO, she'd probably say, "Friday I'm going out with my boyfriend."

As such, I hate dating too. I like to be friends first, and I've only had one official American-style date before (went out with a guy with the idea we were getting to know each other as potential partners). So awkward and so much pressure. Lots of women don't like it. But going out with my lovely boyfriend to dinner and a movie? LOVE IT. And I'd call that going out with my boyfriend, not a date (even though that's technically what it is).

[lucybelle]

I loved dating. I dated all through college. It was tons of fun! I didn't have to take anything seriously. It was a way to go out, get a dinner paid for, and meet new people. I'd go on a date with anyone who asked me. If the date sucked real bad, then it ended there. If we had fun, we'd go out again. Sometimes I'd have a date with one guy on Friday and another on Saturday! As a personal rule, I was never physically active with more than one guy at a time (for hygienic reasons!) So not only did I have a lot of fun in college getting to know other people, I also found out what I do and do not want in a partner. I thought I wanted a guy who liked basketball, but after being on a date with a guy who loved basketball, I actually found out it just didn't matter that much to me. I had my fun. I found out more about what I want in a partner. I found out more about myself. Now I can "settle down" with an exclusive partner and be content.

[SeaLover]

I would have to say the the word "relationship" is really just a social status, when it comes down to it. It's a certain connection you have with someone. For example, I have a father-son 'relationship' with my dad and I have a boyfriend-girlfriend 'relationship' with my SO. All of us on LFAD have a peer-peer 'relationship'. I don't think the word relationship really has so much weight to it that one has to wait for the right time to use it, as you would with 'love'.

That's my opinion anyways.

[LeilaniJoi]

Hi folks Sorry I was away from the computer for a couple of days and when I did sit down I had some big writing assignments to finish.. @.@ Sucks for a day off!

Anyway, for the sake of the type of "relationship" I was referring to... I realize that you have relationships of all types with all kinds of people all day. That's not what I meant I was specifically referring to saying you are "in a relationship" with someone... it's the nuance of the English language that makes this different than any other type of relationship you have. Yes, you have a relationship with the UPS guy that delivers to your office, but you don't go around saying you are "in a relationship" with him... or maybe you do O.o but it has a heavier meaning lol

I know with us, we didn't consider ourselves "in a relationship" until we were both free of our ex's and discussed.. is this the next step? Yes we had an online thing for a few weeks prior, knew something was there, were very attached... but we made a conscious decision to call it a relationship rather than just saying we were interested in someone. To me, it just holds heavier weight. That is specifically the meaning I was referring to.. not just a day to day relationship with someone or anyone you run across. Sorry if that wasn't clear.

In that context.. is it a cool thing in today's culture to be "in a relationship" with someone (a SO) rather than to say you are just dating - even onling dating? Do you feel it gives people a social boost to be able to make this claim? Do you feel some people jump into that status too early in their relationship?

[SeaLover]

I understand what you are saying, LeilaniJoi, and I can understand where you are coming from.
However, I feel when it comes to meeting people online, the line between 'dating' and 'in a relationship' is a bit less unclear.
People who have the luxury of being with their person of interest can take them on a date once or twice without really saying that you're 'in a relationship' with them, and if you only go on one or two dates with the other person, the chances of hurting them is a lot less likely. But my expertise in online dating is somewhat limited to my experiences.
So maybe we should all seek a little more clarity between just 'dating' someone and being 'in a relationship' when it come to LDRs.
Thank you for shining some light on this subject. I will have to think on it more.

[Engel]

Taking the example from another thread, if I was scared to give someone my home adress, I wouldn't consider then person my boyfriend. I don't think I could consider myself in a relationship (the romantic boyfriend-girlfriend-type) with someone whom I only knew online.
But it's not only online relationships. My friend is studying abroad for one year right now and she already has "an Ex". She had known this guy for not even a week and considered him her boyfriend. Another friend had a smiliar story at the same time.
Maybe I'm taking things too seriously, but I wouldn't have considered that a relationship if I had been one of the people invovled.

My boyfriend and I dated for over a month, before we considered us to be couple. And even that in my eyes was sort of stretching the term. Had we 'broken up' in the first two months, I wouldn't consider him an ex now.

exactly that with me! tyhe one month of dating and all, and i have friends like that too.

[Zephii]

I think that it's not our place to judge. If someone tells me they are in a committed relationship (note, I'm using committed not exclusive) then I might think it's not much of a relationship, but I wouldn't deny the fact they are in one. If they agree that they are in one - if everyone in that relationship agrees that they are together - then I'm not going to be arrogant enough to say their relationahip doesn't live upto my standard. There are bigger problems in the world.

Frankly I think it's a good thing these people are "in relatiosnhips" not "dating". Dating is such a casual try-before-you-buy kind of thing, and so many people are trying out more than one person at a time. I find people who do a lot of dating tend to throw potential relationships away much easier than people who commit to having a go at it. Except for the rare cases (like a friend of mine proposed to a girl on the first date recently - and it was a blind date) I really don't think there's a time when it's too early to commit to making a relationship work with someone, to agree to take that relationship to the highest level it is able to achieve.

My point with my earlier post was that since you're already in a relationship with that person, regardless of the label, then if you both agree on a better label more power to you. These labels just tell each other and the rest of the world our social expectations. People who say they are in a relationship do so because they want to be respected like people who are commiting to a common goal. People who say they are dating on the other hand are telling the other person and the world that perhaps they aren't ready to commit, they think they might be able to do better, they just want to have a bit of fun - or whatever.
The relationship you have is the relationship you have - it's that simple. The label aside from it's social aspect might indicate what you'd like to be too.

Look at it this way: When you're dating/courting someone/whatever, you be the best you that you can be, you try to upsell yourself. You're not really as pretty or witty as you make out - you show that person the person you want to be as often as you show them what you are. And when you commit to that person you also commit to maintaining your sales pitch and eventually becoming the things you promised in the early stages (or, you don't try and they realise you're not all that after all! - I'd say that most people know the other person is upselling, it's not about dishonesty, it's about we all want to be the better version of ourselves and we want someone there to motivate us to achieve that) This can apply to relationships too. In the early stages of a relationship it might not be what people in later stages of a relationship consider "in a relationship" - but that's what their goal is. That's the lie they are working towards fulfilling.

That was really hard to explain. Dan Savage would have done a much better job ><

[Elissa]

I think a relationship begins when two people decide it has. A relationship between two people who met online may not fit most peoples idea of a "real" relationship but the world is changing, words change, and technology changes the way we connect with other people. I realize everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but it always bugs me when people define things like love and relationships. I mean, who is anyone to say when someone else's relationship starts? It makes me kind of sad when I see LDR couples who say their relationship isn't real or "offical" because they've yet to see each other in person. Online or not real feelings develop and when people decide to devote to only each other, that is a relationship in my book.

[Heather]

It's easy to connect with someone and talk so openly with your writing, rather than words.

[Dziubka]

exactly that with me! tyhe one month of dating and all, and i have friends like that too.

(that's doesn't really look like a high 5, does it?)

Anyway yes, this might be the one time I have to disagree with Zephii.
I do think that you can commit too early. Or at the very least I think that committing to someone you barely know doesn't make sense. Maybe some people have better insight to human nature than me, but I wouldn't be able to to say "this is the person I want to spend my life or at the very least my near future with" after only having known them for a month or even less. At that stage, no matter how much you talk and how much time you spend together, you don't really know a lot about the other person. There's a lot of things about them you have yet discover that can turn out to make you not want to be in a relationship with that person after all. Obiously things can always change or things from the past can come up and completely change your mind about your SO, but that's less likely to happen the longer you are together and the better you get to know each other.
Maybe it's just me, but I wouldn't buy the pig in the poke so to speak and commit to someone I barely know.
And having to listen to all my friends' guy dramas, I've come to the conclusion that most other people, or my friends anyway, shouldn't do that either. If it turns out after one week that their "boyfriend" had a a very different perception of what a relationship is and what he wants their relationship to look like, I think it's pretty clear that they should have spend more time getting to know each other and finding out about each other's attitudes, needs and whatever other important stuff.

I don't see what's wrong with taking time to get to know each other. It's not about dating ten different people, or even more than one person, at a time, it's about getting to know a potential boy-/girlfriend, before actually committing to them.
If both parties are working towards the same goal and want to make the relationship work, then it's going to work out. Regardless of whether they call it a "relationship" after one week or one month. But you don't actually know if that's the case until some time in the involvement.

Meh, I don't know if I'm doing a good job explaining this. I guess what I want to say is, that in the getting to know phase, for me there's so many unknowns, it doesn't really make sense to commit because you basically have no idea who or what you're agreeing to.

[nic&matt]

You've already gotten a TON of comments, but I'll share my quick little 2cents because I feel like it.
I'm 17, senior in high school. My SO Matt is 19 in college. We started dating a little over a year (when we were 16-18).

I think trust is everything, the foundation of any relationship regardless of age. My SO and I went to high school together (I a sophomore and him a senior). We had 4/8 classes together, did all the after school crap for orchestra and band and became good friends). We were friends for about 7 months before we decided to start dating. We know eachother well and I know he would never do anything stupid, and he feels the same way about me.

With that said, I didn't want to date. I never wanted to date until college because all the guys my age are freaking ******ed all the time. But it just happened, and it happened with my best friend. We decided to take it one trip at a time, nothing to serious when he left for college.
There are plenty of CD relationships, inside the school, that are EXTREMELY unhealthy. Lots of physical activities (for 14-18 years old? EW!) and they absorb themselves with only the person they're dating. The great thing about being LD is I get a chance to focus all my attention on classes, grades, and social activities because I want all that and my SO isn't here as an option instead.

I don't understand people who go in, especially online, to find love at 16 or 17. That can lead to addiction of social networking and computer access to "talk to them". It's not necessarily the "cool thing to do". Most high-schoolers, once going into college, decide to break-u right before college. Some do, and most end up breaking after 2 months or cause them to switch schools (which is really unhealthy).
I agree though that it does cause some derail from your life. Being so young is the advantage of finding yourself and what you want to do. I was going to go to my SO's school, no questions asked, until one day we both decided it would be terribly terribly wrong. What I love to do, I wouldn't find there, and he's not worth that sacrifice. I feel like a lot of young people don't understand that. They'll sacrifice their education and social life for one person who probably won't be there down the road. And, securing it with an engagement ring means absolutely nothing. Being married so young usually (not always) means NO BUENO!

Last but not least, (I guess this wasn't so short...) love is tossed around way to lightly. Give me a break, please. Being 16, knowing them for 6 days does NOT mean that you love them!!! I hate high school because it's filled with people like that. They "love" their boyfriend/girlfriend, they "love" their quirks, they "love" them and always want to be with them. It's honestly a load of BS. Even after dating, I didn't admit my deeper feeling so for my SO until 2 months into dating. Till I really felt like he was much more than a friend, and my feelings were stronger than "liking". Saying I love him does not mean I'm giving him my life though, or planning the future, it just means I hope for the best.

So, I might get slammed on some of this also But there's my long, overly long opinion. So sorry!