Warning Signs?

[LeilaniJoi]

For the ones that have been in LDR's for awhile, or have had prior LDR's... what are some warning signs that would cause red flags to appear for you?

I thought this might be helpful as there seem to be alot of new LDR's on the board now and maybe the voice of experience might help some of those out there struggling to figure out just where they stand with their own situation.

[HollzHeartsChris]

Well, my previous LDR was a complete and utter failure for a number of reasons. I met this guy who was just a few months older than me around last May time and he didn't live that far away from me, around 200 miles. We were friends for awhile before we entered an LDR together. Unfortunately it hadn't even been a month when he received word that a very good friend of his was dying of cancer. She'd been his girlfriend for about 2-3 years, before he met me, and he had broken up with her but they'd stayed friends. Sadly, she passed away. She was only 16 when she died.

Needless to say, this sunk my ex into a depression he couldn't escape. I watched him spiral downward until he broke and gave in completely. He tried to commit suicide twice. He couldn't handle the stress, even with me trying to help him. Fortunately, his suicide attempts failed, although he was left broken, and I committed myself to helping him, despite my own pain. I couldn't bring him round. He continued to be depressed and he wasn't the same guy afterwards. Things fell through. Contact and communication failed. We'd go for weeks without talking, occasionally sending each other little messages on Facebook but that would be it. Eventually I couldn't take it anymore and I gave in. We split and I tried my hardest to move on. It was whilst I was still healing that I met Chris. He helped heal the pain and angst I'd been feeling until I no longer felt it and I was over it. Last summer was the worst summer of my life, and I hope never to relive it again.

The red flags I find looking back on my previous LDR is that we hardly ever communicated. He never really told me his address until I practically begged him to give it me. He always refused to go on webcam with me as well. Never bothered to come see me. Looking back, I realise what a fool I was. But hey, bad experiences teach you good lessons, right? I don't know whether what happened actually DID happen, it was downright fishy and wierd. Who knows? I don't care now. I'm glad I was able to save a life. As much as I despise him for the pain he put me through, by not even telling me if he was alright or not the day after he tried to commit suicide (things went silent and I couldn't get through to his mobile phone at all), I will never say I regretted what I did. No-one our age deserves to die like that, in my opinion.

[Madge]

My ex and I were together CD for about a year and a half before I went to do summer camp in which I would be away for four months. His parents had just separted 3 months before I left as well and I noticed he had been drinking a bit more but thought nothing of it. Anyway, our commication dropped and we only talked once a week with me calling him and if I tired to email he would'nt reply. He then broke up with me during the middle of camp via a phone call which sucked.

Anyway, Looking back on that relationship the signs were kind of obvious..no loveedovey talk,the ONE email he sent was short and urgh. Our communication just dropped from what it was and because of other factors going on. But yeah. That was my red flag but I didnt see until afterwards.

[Sora1101]

Red flags hmm to name a few?
-lack of communication
-unwillingness to share details about themselves
-pestering for personal information and or explicit messages/pictures
-trying to keep you away from friends and family

those are just some I can think of off the top of my head.

[maja_marky]

i think to name a few as per my experience:
1. lack of communication
2. being secretive (doesnt want to share any info.about him)
3. i think being defensive?
4. doesnt want you to have communication with his/her family and friends..
5. taking you for granted
6. doesnt initiate contacts sometimes...
7. so many alibis[COLOR="Silver"]

[Leigh]

Just haaving that gut feeling that something is wrong is usually right.

[Kerry]

if you go from talking loads to your SO not wanting to talk- making excuses.

if your SO stops expressing how they feel about you- communication breakdown.

if your SO stops trying to initiate contact with you- no email, texts, FB, calls.

if they get mean and act irritated/annoyed by anything that you do.