Such a sad, strange day...
Well, I woke up this morning thinking things were going to be pretty much the same as usual for Chris and I. How far from the truth I was...
I guess you could say we're on a break right now :/
When we started talking as usual, I began to notice something was bothering him. Quite a lot. I started to get nervous. I didn't have to wait long to find out what was bothering him.
It's the lack of physical touch again. It's REALLY getting him down. Like I've never known it to. He said he can't concentrate properly in his classes because of it, and he knows that if his grades falter there's no chance of him ever being able to come over to see me and be with me in the future. He said he feels depressed all the time, even though I've been helping him immensely. I couldn't believe it and my heart was starting to ache, with the longing, with the pain I've been feeling over the past week, with the sadness. I could feel his pain. It's a strange thing to say I know, but we're so in tune with each other we actually can almost feel how we both feel. If he feels pain, I do too.
He told me that it was because he'd been hugged by a girl buddy of his. It had brought into perspective how bad he craved my touch and my physical touch. Thing is, he's gone with a lack of physical touch pretty much all his life. His parents never hug him. They never kiss him to show affection. So, I can understand how he feels. They've never shown any the whole time I've known him, and even before that they never showed him affection. I've been suffering from the lack of his physical touch too, but I guess I'm just a little better at coping with it. My parents are quite affectionate: I've been hugged and kissed many a time. I guess that's why. Everyone deals with these things differently. It kills me to know how alone the lack of affection has made him feel. I've done everything I can, but I guess I didn't do enough.
The other problem is that the girl Chris is friends with also offered him a different perspective. She's been in a few long distance relationships in the past and none of them have ever worked out, so she has much the same opinion I used to have until I met Chris. She doesn't think they ever work out, and as a result she told her opinion to Chris and it made his suffering even worse. I think she's been enjoying her hugs with Chris a little too much, and she's begun to like him. He only thinks of her as a friend though. I don't begrudge their friendship, what I do begrudge her is what she's done. LDRs CAN work, and although that's her opinion, she shouldn't have told Chris because it just made things worse and made him feel like crap. I've told him I think she just said what she said to get him to break up with me, but we both don't know for sure. Me and my suspicion sometimes I swear...But I'm not always wrong. Chris said that if she tried to make a move in the next few weeks, whilst he's still hurting by admitting his weaknesses to me and how he feels, then he wouldn't like it and they wouldn't be friends anymore.
Things haven't really changed between us. We're still going to keep in touch on the same basis as before. Unlike in most breaks where communication is broken, we couldn't actually bear that because we need to talk to each other on a daily basis. We're not going to lose contact. We're still exceptionally close, he still calls me everything he did before as do I to him, we still say I love you and we kiss. Only thing we're not doing is ....ahem...you know. And calling each other girlfriend and boyfriend. Right now.....I guess you could say we're best friends who love each other, but technically not together. Our love for one another is still exceptionally strong, and we're still VERY committed. I know a lot of people will not understand why we're doing it this way, but letting go completely for both of us is COMPLETELY out the question.
We both agreed on it, even though it killed us both to admit it would probably be the best thing to do for now. We're doing it to see if it works, and we've agreed that we're going to date if someone ...you know....approaches us or whatever, has interest in us. We just want each other to be happy, but we're actually still committed to what we originally planned to do. We're still committed to each other. We're hoping this will help ease the pain. We're not sure, but you have to take a plunge sometimes and just hope for the best.
He told me that no matter what, no matter what happens, he still loves me and will always do and that I still hold his heart. I told him the same. Because it's the TRUTH. He saved me from depression. I saved his life when we met, because he was even worse off than I was when we met. Well it breaks my heart to see us both so upset because he really does love me. He loves me more than he ever has done anyone else and he's never broken my heart before. Not even now. And I love him him like that too, we both know it and that the feelings are what we both feel. There is no uncertainty about it.
I don't like breaks. But if Chris wants one, that's what will happen, and I actually agree with him. Maybe it'll help. I asked him how badly does he feel committed to me. "Very badly," he replied. "How badly do you love me?" "Very badly," he replied again before he sent me a little kiss. "I will always love you no matter what. You'll always be my baby girl." His exact words. I trust and believe Chris with my life, so I know he isn't lying when he says that. I told him the same. And he knows I'm not lying. He even said to me "I've never connected to someone as much as I have you."
It's just going to have to be a waiting game for the time being until we can meet. I've told him if he doesn't have the funds to come see me when the time is right, I'll pay for his ticket. He agreed to it, but that was only if he could come.
In this case, love is what has driven us to do this. We've not broken up, just reverted to being best friends until the time is right. We've not only been boyfriend and girlfriend, we've been best friends too. Right from the beginning. We still want a future together, we still want to be together. Hopefully, this will be the way forward. I have no doubts in Chris. He has no doubts in me. I know he's the one I want to be with. He is the same way with me. He is my soulmate, I am his. And I know I'm not being foolish or wasting my time.
I'll wait however long I have to because I love him with all my heart and he does me too.
Thank you for reading. Sorry it was so long. I just had to vent because I'm still upset and my heart is aching.
I guess you could say we're on a break right now :/
When we started talking as usual, I began to notice something was bothering him. Quite a lot. I started to get nervous. I didn't have to wait long to find out what was bothering him.
It's the lack of physical touch again. It's REALLY getting him down. Like I've never known it to. He said he can't concentrate properly in his classes because of it, and he knows that if his grades falter there's no chance of him ever being able to come over to see me and be with me in the future. He said he feels depressed all the time, even though I've been helping him immensely. I couldn't believe it and my heart was starting to ache, with the longing, with the pain I've been feeling over the past week, with the sadness. I could feel his pain. It's a strange thing to say I know, but we're so in tune with each other we actually can almost feel how we both feel. If he feels pain, I do too.
He told me that it was because he'd been hugged by a girl buddy of his. It had brought into perspective how bad he craved my touch and my physical touch. Thing is, he's gone with a lack of physical touch pretty much all his life. His parents never hug him. They never kiss him to show affection. So, I can understand how he feels. They've never shown any the whole time I've known him, and even before that they never showed him affection. I've been suffering from the lack of his physical touch too, but I guess I'm just a little better at coping with it. My parents are quite affectionate: I've been hugged and kissed many a time. I guess that's why. Everyone deals with these things differently. It kills me to know how alone the lack of affection has made him feel. I've done everything I can, but I guess I didn't do enough.
The other problem is that the girl Chris is friends with also offered him a different perspective. She's been in a few long distance relationships in the past and none of them have ever worked out, so she has much the same opinion I used to have until I met Chris. She doesn't think they ever work out, and as a result she told her opinion to Chris and it made his suffering even worse. I think she's been enjoying her hugs with Chris a little too much, and she's begun to like him. He only thinks of her as a friend though. I don't begrudge their friendship, what I do begrudge her is what she's done. LDRs CAN work, and although that's her opinion, she shouldn't have told Chris because it just made things worse and made him feel like crap. I've told him I think she just said what she said to get him to break up with me, but we both don't know for sure. Me and my suspicion sometimes I swear...But I'm not always wrong. Chris said that if she tried to make a move in the next few weeks, whilst he's still hurting by admitting his weaknesses to me and how he feels, then he wouldn't like it and they wouldn't be friends anymore.
Things haven't really changed between us. We're still going to keep in touch on the same basis as before. Unlike in most breaks where communication is broken, we couldn't actually bear that because we need to talk to each other on a daily basis. We're not going to lose contact. We're still exceptionally close, he still calls me everything he did before as do I to him, we still say I love you and we kiss. Only thing we're not doing is ....ahem...you know. And calling each other girlfriend and boyfriend. Right now.....I guess you could say we're best friends who love each other, but technically not together. Our love for one another is still exceptionally strong, and we're still VERY committed. I know a lot of people will not understand why we're doing it this way, but letting go completely for both of us is COMPLETELY out the question.
We both agreed on it, even though it killed us both to admit it would probably be the best thing to do for now. We're doing it to see if it works, and we've agreed that we're going to date if someone ...you know....approaches us or whatever, has interest in us. We just want each other to be happy, but we're actually still committed to what we originally planned to do. We're still committed to each other. We're hoping this will help ease the pain. We're not sure, but you have to take a plunge sometimes and just hope for the best.
He told me that no matter what, no matter what happens, he still loves me and will always do and that I still hold his heart. I told him the same. Because it's the TRUTH. He saved me from depression. I saved his life when we met, because he was even worse off than I was when we met. Well it breaks my heart to see us both so upset because he really does love me. He loves me more than he ever has done anyone else and he's never broken my heart before. Not even now. And I love him him like that too, we both know it and that the feelings are what we both feel. There is no uncertainty about it.
I don't like breaks. But if Chris wants one, that's what will happen, and I actually agree with him. Maybe it'll help. I asked him how badly does he feel committed to me. "Very badly," he replied. "How badly do you love me?" "Very badly," he replied again before he sent me a little kiss. "I will always love you no matter what. You'll always be my baby girl." His exact words. I trust and believe Chris with my life, so I know he isn't lying when he says that. I told him the same. And he knows I'm not lying. He even said to me "I've never connected to someone as much as I have you."
It's just going to have to be a waiting game for the time being until we can meet. I've told him if he doesn't have the funds to come see me when the time is right, I'll pay for his ticket. He agreed to it, but that was only if he could come.
In this case, love is what has driven us to do this. We've not broken up, just reverted to being best friends until the time is right. We've not only been boyfriend and girlfriend, we've been best friends too. Right from the beginning. We still want a future together, we still want to be together. Hopefully, this will be the way forward. I have no doubts in Chris. He has no doubts in me. I know he's the one I want to be with. He is the same way with me. He is my soulmate, I am his. And I know I'm not being foolish or wasting my time.
I'll wait however long I have to because I love him with all my heart and he does me too.
Thank you for reading. Sorry it was so long. I just had to vent because I'm still upset and my heart is aching.
Give it time and see what happens. If it's truly meant to be then nothing, and nobody will keep you two apart. I'm around if you need to talk.
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