Wow bad weekend!

[lluc1]

I'm new here and this is my first post and will probably be a bit long, so my apologies. I just need to vent and it'd be great to hear some of ur feedbacks too.

So, my bf is really busy with work especially Oct and Nov which he already told me earlier. He's also not big in txting but he does the morning 'luv u babe' txts.
I've been looking forward to go on skype with him this weekend but he had plans with friends yesterday and today i asked him about skype but he was out with friends and said he'll let me know when he gets home. See that's where my problem is...I get anxious and down thinking he has time for his friends but not me. I understand during the week he's super busy at work so we can't go on skype but even the weekend he still can't. I know he's stressed at work and he needs to go out with friends to relax but I'd like to talk to him about my life and his this week. Actually Sat I asked him about skype on Sun and he said he's not sure b/c he might go out with
friends but will let me know. Sun I sent him a 'morning i luv u' txt and got a reply back 'i luv u' but nothiing about skype and I waited but no txt until his morning txt
today.

This is driving me nutz!!! On one hand, I'm trying to be understanding and respect his time with friends and on the other I'm struggling for his attention. Am I being too needy/clingy??? I hate myself for it and I want this feeling to go away! May be I'm emotionally immature for a long distance relationship....Please someone snap me
out of this feeling!

Btw we've been together for 2.5yrs and LDR for 6 months.

Thanx for reading

[Zephii]

You need to talk to each other about what you expect communication wise, and he needs to understand that you're still important and "together" on skype - he's not going home to his pc he's going home to YOU. It's hard for some people to wrap their minds around that part. LDR is still real. I had trouble with my SO on this front too - luckily we had a massive time difference or I'd never have seen him.

You're not needy or clingy and really, even if you are that's ok as long as it's not obsessive. It's ok to need your SO

[maja_marky]

no you're not...well, we girls/women need that special time with our SO, those who had closed the distance needs time from their SO, how much more those who are in LDR...i think i should say, try to ask him?or if he cant be on skype then u two canexchange text messages just to keep u updated...btw how old are the two of you?try to balance things and try to be calm when asking him...
well, earlier i feel the same way you have right now, i was thinking i was like taken for granted by my SO, we were about to chat at ym today but he never came online i was like about to get mad, but then he msg me sayin that he fall asleep..hahahha..so after reading his msg i'd been okay and i replied...btw, we're in diff. time zone his is from USA and im from Philippines, plus we are working both so we really need to manage our time...

goodluck girl and keep us updated..

[lluc1]

You need to talk to each other about what you expect communication wise, and he needs to understand that you're still important and "together" on skype - he's not going home to his pc he's going home to YOU. It's hard for some people to wrap their minds around that part. LDR is still real. I had trouble with my SO on this front too - luckily we had a massive time difference or I'd never have seen him.

You're not needy or clingy and really, even if you are that's ok as long as it's not obsessive. It's ok to need your SO

Thanks Zephii for ur reply and glad u and ur SO worked that out. We had a few arguments about this and nearly broke up a few times. We talked about this last week and he said he loves me but with work being busy, he can't give me the attention all the time. I told him before that I'd us to txt each other throughout the day just so we r in each
others lives and he said he'd try but no guarantees b/c he's really not a txt kind of guy. It's funny b/c when we were together in the same city, we'd txt all day long and see
each other all the time. I'm trying to get used to this new way of things and b/c I luv him and want this to work, I'll compromise...it's sometimes so difficult like this weekend. I'm sitting here struggling to not txt him since he said he'll txt me when he gets home. Thank god for this forum where I can to vent out instead of txt my SO.

I already got my plane ticket to visit him next month, so I don't wanna have another argument over my insecurities etc. I just hope I can last that long....

[lluc1]

no you're not...well, we girls/women need that special time with our SO, those who had closed the distance needs time from their SO, how much more those who are in LDR...i think i should say, try to ask him?or if he cant be on skype then u two canexchange text messages just to keep u updated...btw how old are the two of you?try to balance things and try to be calm when asking him...
well, earlier i feel the same way you have right now, i was thinking i was like taken for granted by my SO, we were about to chat at ym today but he never came online i was like about to get mad, but then he msg me sayin that he fall asleep..hahahha..so after reading his msg i'd been okay and i replied...btw, we're in diff. time zone his is from USA and im from Philippines, plus we are working both so we really need to manage our time...

goodluck girl and keep us updated..

Thanks Maja for your reply. I know sometimes us women tend to think more into something but glad ur SO just fell asleep and things are ok with u guys

I'm in my mid-30s and my SO is in his mid-20s...yeah a decade gap and that also adds to my insecurities. He tells me he loves me all the time but my inner demon just picks up on lil things and go wild with it. He tells me he's not big on txt but that doesn't mean he doesn't think about me but for me I need to know and feel that I'm part of his life and
vise versa. That's why I feel like I'm needy/clingy b/c he's okay with one morning txt or even no txt in a day but I'd feel anxious and like we are not connected in a deeper way. As I'm typing now, I'm constantly looking over at my phone b/c he said he'd txt me when he gets home and I'm fighting with myself not to txt him. I need to respect his time alone with friends. I feel so weak and wish I'm not so dependent on my SO.

[LeilaniJoi]

You are not being needy. Especially in an LDR you need to feel that reassurance. We have a 17 year age gap with our relationship (ha! beat you and I had all those same insecurities when we were LD. Unfortunately, I had the same kind of insecurities once we closed the distance. The thing is, even if you get ALL of the attention you want, it won't fix the insecurities.. those are something you have to work on yourself. Been there, done that, have the t-shirt

Just talk to him calmly, try to help him understand that you don't need him ALL the time, but you do need him to be there. Try to set a specific talk time for Skype so that you can connect, check out the Things To Do forum for fun things you can do together. Overall, just relax...give him the space he obviously needs and frankly, I wouldn't make myself so available. Don't sit and wait on him... find things to do to keep you busy, go out with friends, see a movie, go shopping, go for a walk. It will help ground you and it will help you cope a bit better.

Btw... we closed the distance 5 months ago and I still check my cellphone for texts constantly that's not a bad thing... but balance it out with healthy things for you. First and foremost you have to take care of yourself first... the rest will fall into place.

[lucybelle]

Whenever you feel like you want/need something in a relationship, you need to express yourself. My SO wasn't giving me nearly enough attention so I told him I needed more. He immediately changed and we started skyping 5 times a week. Our partners are not mind readers. You both should be able to find a healthy balance between friends, family and relationship time.

[GoddessDivine]

I think it's good you understand that he needs time with friends, especially if he is very busy during the week. I think it would be good for you two to talk about times when you could talk to each other, even if it's only for a little bit, because if you're not having a lot of communication, I don't think that would be too good for your relationship. Tell him that you understand he needs his free time, but just let him know you'd like to get some time to talk for him. Even if it's just like a short conversation before you go to bed.

[Ms.Justine]

I went through a similar thing with my SO actually. He was not a big texter nor did he really like doing it. But when it comes to LDR if that's your main way of communication and he's serious about being in this relationship with you he needs to make an adjustment. Let him know that you're craving his attention and affection. You're a woman and cannot be treated as a guy pal or a friend you are his girlfriend. My SO doesn't have a problem with skyping but perhaps yours does and feels uncomfortable that there are other guys or his friends present? Maybe suggest buying a phone card so you guys can still communicate but just more privately?

I also think that you are not too immature for a LDR, and the fact that you have been so patient proves it.

[Bethypoo]

Defiantly talk about what you need in terms of communication. I understand that we all cant get all of the time that we want and if we could we wouldn't be here because we wouldn't be in LDRs.

But defiantly talk to him. Tell you what you want and he is going to have to meet you some here. There are times that I choose not to go out with my friends because i want to take time to be focused on my SO. He just was to work with you and find a middle road. But remember you wont get all of the time you want, but you are entitled to time no matter what.

[lluc1]

Thank you everyone for your replies and advice It's great to know and be able to share with people like you guys who can understand what I'm going through.

Here's an update of my situation. We did get on skype yesterday evening when he got home and chatted normally about what we did on the weekend. Then I gently brought up about having our 'time'. We talked about this before, so I didn't want to sound like I'm nagging and I told him I wouldn't put pressure on him during this busy work month. So
yeah it was difficult trying to be understanding at the same time letting him know what i want again. I explained to him that I understand he's busy with work and is tired, so
on weekends he needs time on his own or with friends. But I'd like once a week to go on skype to catch up on each others lives and a bit more detailed. I tell him about my
friends etc. even if he doesn't know them but he just tells me "I'm going out with friends". I told him I didn't want give him pressure so he said then why am I telling him this.
He said he knows b/c we talked about this before and he asked me is he not doing that now? I think he got a tad bit annoyed. I told him I hate feeling like I'm being needy
and that I shouldn't feel this way etc. Anyway, in the end he was really tired and had to get up early for work the next day, so we ended there. He did say that I'm his life
and he loves me.

I know I need to be more understanding as he has to work around 12hrs/day this month and he just started in his new department so more stressful. I want to be his stress
reliever and not the source of his stress. Today I put together a care package which included some of his favorite snacks etc and sticky notes on them. Hope he'll feel happy when he receives it. He should get it tomorrow or the day after. I'm excited just imagining his surprised look when he gets it!

Hope everyone is having a good day