What can I do?

[eeriesaurus]

I've been in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend for seven months now. In that seven months we have only spent about 10 days together in real life. His schedule is very busy considering he is in law school and he currently is living with his parents for obvious financial reasons.

I live in TN and he lives in CT and it's not like either of us can just drive and visit one another on the weekends. And his busy schedule at the moment makes it so that the next time I will be able to see him in real life is in March. That means I will have gone six months without seeing him in person.

I love him so much, and I want to spend my life with him but after just two months apart I feel so freaking lonely. I almost feel single in a way, not that I am at all interested in leaving this relationship but with no actual physical affection from him I find myself almost drifting further apart from the
relationship.

We play online games together, talk every day either on the phone or online but at this point I've really run out of things to even talk about. It's gotten stagnant. And even the uh.. "naughty" part of our relationship feels, dare I say boring?

I suppose everyone in a long distance relationship goes through what I'm going through so I'd really like to know, how do I bring any excitement to a relationship where seeing each other just isn't an option? How do I keep this relationship alive without seeing him and what can I do to make it better for both of us. I've read most of the tips on this site, but most of them we already do and the others I'm just not that interested in..

I hope someone maybe takes the time to read this and offers me some advice, I know it's a little TL;DR though.

[Mara]

I find LDRs take more work than regular relationships. You don't have dates and things to keep things going and it seems the relationship almost progresses through stages faster. It's very easy to run out of things to say. Every now and then my SO and I get to that point, but I find you just have to go that extra mile and reach out to your partner. Talk about your everyday life. Things that happened to you, what's on your mind, things you did that day, and even things you heard about in the news or new items coming out you saw you wanted to purchase. If you simply just don't have anything to talk about, maybe the two of you are talking too much.

I find seeing each other [over webcam obviously] also helps a great deal. Sometimes seeing the other person's face just makes a difference.

[eeriesaurus]

I find LDRs take more work than regular relationships. You don't have dates and things to keep things going and it seems the relationship almost progresses through stages faster. It's very easy to run out of things to say. Every now and then my SO and I get to that point, but I find you just have to go that extra mile and reach out to your partner. Talk about your everyday life. Things that happened to you, what's on your mind, things you did that day, and even things you heard about in the news or new items coming out you saw you wanted to purchase. If you simply just don't have anything to talk about, maybe the two of you are talking too much.

I find seeing each other [over webcam obviously] also helps a great deal. Sometimes seeing the other person's face just makes a difference.

Webcam was great at first don't get me wrong, but it's starting to feel like everything is just getting to the point where it bores me.

[NineInchNails_x]

I found that you just have to keep changing things until you both are happy. My boyfriend and I were getting into the same kind of rut so we only talk three days of the week now. It makes it a lot more exciting when you haven't seen them for a while. He is really intersted in science, aliens, history so sometimes I'll spend hours searching around on the internet for something interesting to tell him because I know it will bring up a conversation. We use ooVoo instead of skype, skype may do this too, but I'm not sure. There is something called screen sharing and we will watch youtube videos together, tv shows, movies...it's like our own little date night. I'm always searching online for interesting stuff to talk about. One website I found that brings up a lot of interesting, deep, conversations is Listverse. It's a whole website full of lists of interesting stuff..they have stuff about science, fashion, pop culture, movies, etc. I also started kind of a journal/gift to him. I try and write letters to him each day about what I did, that I miss him, etc. I plan on giving it to him as a gift so when he gets lonely he can read the letters from me. It's also great because if I run out of things to say and I don't remember what I did today, yesterday or whenever, I can just open the journal and I'll remember stuff that I didn't before.
I hope this helps! (:

[eeriesaurus]

I found that you just have to keep changing things until you both are happy. My boyfriend and I were getting into the same kind of rut so we only talk three days of the week now. It makes it a lot more exciting when you haven't seen them for a while. He is really intersted in science, aliens, history so sometimes I'll spend hours searching around on the internet for something interesting to tell him because I know it will bring up a conversation. We use ooVoo instead of skype, skype may do this too, but I'm not sure. There is something called screen sharing and we will watch youtube videos together, tv shows, movies...it's like our own little date night. I'm always searching online for interesting stuff to talk about. One website I found that brings up a lot of interesting, deep, conversations is Listverse. It's a whole website full of lists of interesting stuff..they have stuff about science, fashion, pop culture, movies, etc. I also started kind of a journal/gift to him. I try and write letters to him each day about what I did, that I miss him, etc. I plan on giving it to him as a gift so when he gets lonely he can read the letters from me. It's also great because if I run out of things to say and I don't remember what I did today, yesterday or whenever, I can just open the journal and I'll remember stuff that I didn't before.
I hope this helps! (:

Do you think that what you use is better than skype? I might have to try that one and see. Also, it's cute that your next visit with your SO is on my birthday ^_^

[NineInchNails_x]

Eh it's about the same. I live out in the boonies so my internet connection for both is kinda crappy. I just find that ooVoo is slightly better for me. Skype has too many extra features that slows it down IMO. (:
Happy early birthday haha! Mine is on the 30th :P

[HollzHeartsChris]

Chris and I hit the point one time when we simply had nothing to talk about because we talked to each other on a really regular daily basis. It was too much! I'd try cutting back on the amount of time you spend talking to each other. Sure, keep talking to each other but make a slight cutback on how much you do it a day. It'll make things a little more refreshing hopefully. And if you need some things that could set you off talking, I started a thread about questions that could be asked and that could open up a whole load of interesting conversations for you both.

Here's the link:

https://members.lovingfromadistance....071#post148071

Best of luck!

[Bethypoo]

LDRs do take a bit more work than other relationships. But have you talked to your SO about how you are feeling? All relationships go through that period of the "um yea...." and the plain "..." but you just have to keep trying. Try new things. My SO wont try new things at all and we have been having a rough parch after spending almost 4 of our 9.5 months CD. It as been hard going back to life after spending so much time together. Once you get through it things should get easier.

One thing that I find that usually gets my SO talking is reading COSMO together. Yea, its a womans magazine BUT it has a bunch of sex stuff in it. So I will flip through it and I will read some of the articles to him. We make fun of some of them together, I explain some things to him. But it gets us talking. Then we get to the more sexual of articles and we talk about things we like form the article and would like to try. Then usually the talking turns a bit more intimate. Does he know I do this? I dont think so. But it works every time.

[eeriesaurus]

LDRs do take a bit more work than other relationships. But have you talked to your SO about how you are feeling? All relationships go through that period of the "um yea...." and the plain "..." but you just have to keep trying. Try new things. My SO wont try new things at all and we have been having a rough parch after spending almost 4 of our 9.5 months CD. It as been hard going back to life after spending so much time together. Once you get through it things should get easier.

One thing that I find that usually gets my SO talking is reading COSMO together. Yea, its a womans magazine BUT it has a bunch of sex stuff in it. So I will flip through it and I will read some of the articles to him. We make fun of some of them together, I explain some things to him. But it gets us talking. Then we get to the more sexual of articles and we talk about things we like form the article and would like to try. Then usually the talking turns a bit more intimate. Does he know I do this? I dont think so. But it works every time.

Sometimes I'd rather not talk about sex, if that even makes any sense. It's like the go to topic when everything else gets boring but then it starts to feel like that's all there is to our relationship. I could just be over thinking things like usual though. And It's not like we can get naughty on skype, because I only have a desktop computer. It has a webcam, but the computer is located in the kitchen so that makes any chance of being naughty nearly impossible when combined with my dial up internet (I live in the boonies what can I say :P)

I'm so conflicted on the cutting back talking thing. On one hand we might have more productive conversations, on the other it really would just be me in my apartment because lately my skin condition (hidradentitis suppurativa) has been flaring up which makes going out and doing things really painful. So if we cut back talking I'd just be sitting in my apartment watching tv and changing bandages. I'd be so bored out of my mind. >_< gah!

[Tabbylee]

It's hard.. I think there are little ruts and then things get better. We're kind of in the same boat. I'm in NC and my BF is in CT. I also visited him about 2 months ago and I'm missing him like crazy! I'm trying to make an impromptu trip soon since he isn't able to at the moment. 6 more months would be really hard... I'd rather fly up even for a weekend so I could spend some time with him. Just do your best to stay patient, have faith and keep up the communication. Try to switch things up and surprise him (maybe a surprise gift?) Keep as active as you can doing things you enjoy and you will have more interesting things to talk about. Best of luck to you lady. (we should car pool haha)

[Mara]

Webcam was great at first don't get me wrong, but it's starting to feel like everything is just getting to the point where it bores me.

In what why exactly are you bored? It does sound a bit like you are drifting away from the relationship. In LDRs, unfortunately, there is only so much you can do. Being physically apart does severely limit things.

[eeriesaurus]

In what why exactly are you bored? It does sound a bit like you are drifting away from the relationship. In LDRs, unfortunately, there is only so much you can do. Being physically apart does severely limit things.

Webcams are boring because I have dial up, it lags half the time and I only have a desktop that's in the kitchen. It's not like we can be frisky, and looking at his face while it's frozen isn't exactly enjoyable for very long. I love him and I am committed to him. I just want the relationship to feel more tangible.