A Possible Monkey Wrench

[loveknowsnodistance27]

I got to talk to Anthony on the phone last night, which I was ectstatic about because I love our phone conversations and we don't get to have them that often. I called him because he didn't seem like himself while we were texting. So, I called, and we talked for about 25 minutes. He was okay, just overwhelmed by like 10 homework things and projects. He wanted to ask me something on the phone. He wanted my opinion on something. He told me for his spring quarter, he could study abroad in Croatia. I was just in complete shock, and I told him it's a wonderful opportunity. I started to cry on the phone, and he knew something wasn't right. I kept telling him that's great, through my sobs. He asked me if I was okay, I said "I don't know." Anthony asked what was wrong. I got silent for like 2 minutes, just trying to comprehend what he just told me. He kept saying "Jen, Jen are you there? Are you okay?" Again, I replied "I don't know." Eventually I was able to tell him that I was scared. He told me everything would be okay. I asked if we'd be okay and he said of course. He would still have Internet, just slower and we couldn't talk on the phone or text. We'd be switching to solely talking via IM or Skypeing. It's not even definite that he's going yet, depends on if they get enough interest at the school for the program. But, he'd be in Croatia for 74 days (March 12th-May 25th) which isn't THAT long, but it'll also be extremely tough for both of us while he's there. We know we can handle it, but it's going to be a big change. I cried so much over this last night, and I told him I want him to go experience this because it's such a good opportunity. It's so crazy to think that we're going to be increasing the distance temporarily. Now, it's fine the way it is because we're at least in the same state, same time zone, just 360 miles apart. But, going international? It makes me think "why me?". First off, why did he have to go away to school in the first place, but now why do we have to go International, too? Sorry for my little rant there, I'm just kinda frustrated by this whole thing, but I'm also excited for him. I may be jumping the gun here, because he doesn't even know for sure if he's going, but I tend to think ahead, so this is sitting in my head right now. I know one day, when we're both done with college, all of this distance will be just a memory and we'll be living together, married with a family some day. The one good thing is we'll be able to tell all the naysayers and the supporters our story and how we not only survived 5-6 years of long distance, but 3 months of international long distance. To those of you who do this on a daily basis, I have nothing but respect for you. Well, I respect everyone here for what we all do day in and day out, but international is something I never thought I'd have to deal with. End of rant. Thanks for reading if you're still reading this lol.

[lucybelle]

I'm going to sound a little harsh here, forgive me. It might seem hard, but never EVER hold him back. This is an opportunity of a lifetime. He might decide to not go because it would make you sad. This could lead to him resenting you. It is really not that long of a time at all. Only 2 months? I know you must be used to a certain type of relationship, but there's plenty of couples on here that don't see each other but once a year and have bad internet connections and therefore are unable to talk but once a week. You all will be fine. And if he were the one posting on here I would tell him "always put your well being first". He needs to make sure he's getting everything out of life. In fact, if I told my SO I wanted to travel somewhere for 2 months and he told me "no" that'd be reason enough for a break up for me.

You need to support each other in everything you embark on. Support him on this.

[loveknowsnodistance27]

I told him I would fully support him. Must've been the double negative in there lol. I'll edit that haha I reread it and it was confusing. I told him he should definitely go and that I would be supportive of him.

[rsvpnj]

I agree with Lucybelle... Don't ever give him a reason to resent you. If the situation was reversed, would you want him to hold you back from having a once-in-a-lifetime experience?

[loveknowsnodistance27]

I know, you're right. I can feel sad, though, right? I love him so much and I would never hold him back, and if it seems like I am, that's not my goal at all. I WANT him to go and experience this. If I sounded selfish, I didn't mean it like that. I even apologized to my SO on the phone last night for sounding selfish over this, and he said that I wasn't being selfish. I felt awful about even thinking that it would affect us in any way because I know we'll be fine, and I still feel terrible about that.

[Mara]

Increasing the distance for no matter how short of a period of time is not a pleasant idea at all. We will most likely be increasing the distance in January and I'm far less than keen, but of course I support my SO in whatever he chooses to do. Even though when he first told me his plans I was a bit like you crying while encouraging him to do whatever he wanted to do.

*hugs* It will be okay no matter what. It'll only be for a short amount of time and we will all be here for you.

[rsvpnj]

Of course you can feel sad! But just think about the fact that you two will have even more to talk about since he is going to experience something you aren't.

Why don't you suggest to him that you two come up with something to look forward to upon his return? If you can't be together physically, then have a date night or something else that's special. Something for you to look forward to while he's gone. Remind him that while he is away and experiencing new things, that you will be in the same place living the same life. Just remind him that there's a chance that the time is going to seem longer to you.

[Malaga]

I agree with lucybelle. Standing in the path of each other's ambitions can only create life long resentment. And it will come out sooner or later. Compared to that, 74 days is a small price to pay.

Out of curiosity, why Croatia? It's my home country btw. It does depend on what kind of accommodation he'll have, but ADSL is widely spread, and the speed is decent too (I can skype and everything with no problem). Also there are internet cafes everywhere. As for calling, smartphones are a life-saviour, if you guys have them you're sorted. My boyfriend and I use Viber on iPhone, it's a free calling app that works on wi-fi and 3G. Works a charm. Alternatively, there are international calling cards, he can buy one at a post office or an internet cafe and call you from any phone at a reduced price. Or just top up his Skype credit and call you on the phone, which I think it's the best option.

[loveknowsnodistance27]

Thanks for the support, guys. =] He actually told me that he feels bad for me because he knows the time will go a lot slower for me than it will for him. But, I told him don't worry and that I'll be able to keep myself busy. That is a good idea, I think I'll try to see if we can set up something when he gets back to NY. I don't know if he'll be home home or back at school home lol, so we'll figure something out. That's not for several months now. I will only continue to support him, and always will. I know he won't resent me because I won't give him a reason to lol.

And I have no idea why Croatia lol. It's just where the school has another campus I guess. Neither of us have smartphones unfortunately. I have the iPod 4th gen and he has Google Voice, so he can call for free using the Internet. I need to look more into it, but I may do the same.

[Malaga]

Is it Dubrovnik? They have an American college there.

[lucybelle]

Out of curiosity, why Croatia? It's my home country btw. It does depend on what kind of accommodation he'll have, but ADSL is widely spread, and the speed is decent too (I can skype and everything with no problem). Also there are internet cafes everywhere.

Yeah I was thinking the same. I figured since it's in Europe it wouldn't be hard to find an acceptable internet connection. I mean in my apartment here in CR we don't have hot water, but we have internet! People love internet. It's harder and harder to find places without it now.

[loveknowsnodistance27]

I'm not sure actually. I barely know details right now.

[Malaga]

Yeah I was thinking the same. I figured since it's in Europe it wouldn't be hard to find an acceptable internet connection. I mean in my apartment here in CR we don't have hot water, but we have internet! People love internet. It's harder and harder to find places without it now.

Ha, true! it was different say 2 years ago, but nowadays I really think it's hard to find a place here without internet access. Even if he doesn't have broadband at the place he'll be, he can always buy a wifi USB stick at any news stand. I used one of those while I was waiting for the ADSL to be installed in my new flat. Just plugged it in my laptop and it worked great, even for Skype.

[Bethypoo]

I agree with lucybelle and some of the others here. You have to be supportive. If you are the one who gets in the way of a dream of his or something that could further his education or career he WILL resent you for it. Sooner or later it will cause a problem. I am with you an give those who are in international relationship props. r even though who are in different time zones in the same country. It is hard. LDRs are hard. My SO is joining the coast guard. And it is the best opportunity for him at this point. Do i want him to go? NO! But does he know that? NOPE! I know it is the best things for him therefore in the long run, it is the best thing for us. So i have always been supportive and he needs that. I will cry, but not in front of him. He needs to do whats best for him. And your SO needs to do the same and you need to just take a breath and be supportive.

[mllebamako]

Just wanted to add in my support for you! I know it's scary to think of a change and you are totally allowed to feel a bit sad about it. But seriously, don't worry about being international too much, it's really not that difficult (IMO). You'll find your new routines and different ways to connect and it will become your new normal.

It's so good that you are being supportive. When I got a job opportunity in France 1.5 years ago, my SO was incredibly supportive and said we would do whatever necessary to make it work. And when I called him and I was unhappy, he encouraged me to stick it out because it was a good opportunity, even though he would've loved to have me home. I will be forever grateful to him for supporting me even though it put us in an LDR. If your SO decides to go, he will be grateful too.

(ps. @Lucybelle--what you say is totally true! Here at our apt. in Mali: no hot water, frequent power outages, no kitchen, no A/C, etc, etc BUT, yep we have some rockin' WIFI!