Your Future: How far is too far?

[lucybelle]

When you think about (and plan for) you and your SO's future, how far is too far to think ahead? My SO and I have to decide on a couple things and it's hard for me to make those decisions now, because I think "oh in 2 years I want to do this..." or "well maybe in 5 years I'll be okay with this..." Our lease runs out in 2 months and we want to get a new place so we can get our own furniture. Make it more "ours". But he's always wanted to build a house. But I think I want to go to Chile or Italy in 2 or 3 years. But maybe in 2 or 3 years I'll be okay living here? And I hate moving so if we move into another apartment we'll eventually have to move into a house. So then I think we should go ahead and build a house. But then what If I DO want to go to Italy? ...

I guess it's good to have a rough schematic of your life (for financial reasons and such), but should you let these potential events shape your present life? I mean 5 years is a long ways away. Lots of things could happen. Hell, lots of things happen in 1 year.

[kiara_silver]

I wonder about this. Because i'll imagine us moving together, and i'll be thinking about way into our futures and then i'll stop. And think im thinking to far ahead. Then I have a moment of paranoid that i might scare my SO and him think im rushing things (which he doesn't) and I stop myself.... for awhile. I can't help think 3-5 years ahead into the future sometimes. I think its fine, gives you things to hope and look forward to. Dreams are nice to have.

[Mara]

I try not to consider things in my present that are not certain for the future. If it's something that I want to do, but I know realistically I might change my mind about then I try not to take it too heavily into consideration you know? It is frustrating though because it's so hard to make decisions in the present when you know 2-3 years down the road you want to or might do something that a present decision might contradict.

If the two of you were to build a house though would that necessarily mean you couldn't go to Italy or Chile?

[Bethypoo]

I learned that you cant plan to far in advance. When my mom was diagnosed with cancer, i planned to take care of her and then move to college once she was in remission. Then she went into remission and i started planning my life again. Then the cancer came back and things got put on hold. Then they told her that she was in remission again so again i started planning in advance. Then they said the cancer went to her brain and it was only a matter of time. 13 months later she died and everything i thought was going to happen in my life or what i thought it would be changed.

Long story short, you have to plan for the future, just remember than some things are not set in stone. I say that my SO and i will move together in the next 4 years. By that time he will be at the end of his contract with the Coast guard and I will be done with graduate school. But things always change.

Just a thought. Sorry if it was a bit wordy.

[Rugger]

I try not to plan more than a couple months in advance, because as many poster have said things can change very quickly.

[nicole]

We've sort of got a rough idea of the next 2 years- me moving to him, finding a bigger apartment, us getting married (twice), and he'll get is Professional Engineer qualifications done.... then we can move pretty much anywhere! We can't plan any more then that, because goodness knows what job I am going to get into when I finally get my work permit! Plans change a lot, I think it's a good thing to have a vague outline of what you want to have achieved in X years- it's good to have goals to work towards, but to try and make set-in stone "THIS is what I WILL be doing" never works- life happens, too many unforeseen spanners are thrown in the works for much to be definite.

[mllebamako]

We have kind of a rough idea of where/how we want our future to be. Sometimes I daydream and imagine specifics. I've always been a planner...but even though I love to plan it out and imagine, I know how quickly things can change. If someone would have told me 5 years ago that I'd be living in Africa, engaged, and teaching in an elementary school...I would have NEVER believed it! So who knows where I'll be in another 5!

[NineInchNails_x]

He doesn't like to plan/talk about planning. He is okay with figuring it out as we go. It's really annoying. I'll try and talk with him and he says "i don't know when we will do that" or "maybe in a few years" or "we are too young to be thinking of that right now."
It's so frustrating! And he is horrible with making decisions. We can't even figure out if we are closing the distance in december or not :P

[Madge]

My SO and I have a game plan for end of next year but after that..no idea really.

I don't want to plan to much ahead as there can be a lot of factors that may swing either way (visas and the like) but I do day dream

[Zephii]

I have a ten year plan. It's fairly flexible, like if I'm six months out one way or another it's not a big deal, but I have a guide and that's helped Obi and I. I think that life is too short to just leave it to chance - you don't get what you want if you don't aim for it, and goalsetting and planning kinda go hand in hand.
I plan when I'm having kids (had to change that one a couple of times but still), when we'll buy our first home, what country we will be in when. When I'll have Canadian citizenship by. When I expect to have a carrer by, etc.

[HollzHeartsChris]

I dont plan too far ahead in advance because circumstances can always change. Days when I've seen myself going home from school to study for my exams I've ended up in hospital because of some of the problems I have.

You can never be too sure what's going to happen next. At the moment all we know for sure is that we have to graduate from university and high school. After that....who knows where things will go?

[books]

We have a rough 2 year plan. For me, it helps to have long-term goals to work for. Right now I am killing myself working 2 jobs and since life for me in the present has become a tiring routine, it's really important that I remember I'm working towards something. I know that I want to move to be with him. I've played with the idea of him coming here when he finishes school (next year) so I can keep working, but moving to be with him seems like the better option. He wants to build a house there and I'm all for it.

[Kerry]

my bf and I talk about getting married all the time but have no specific plans as to when this will happen. I'm hoping once we get engaged we can start making these plans!

[alw83]

I am a planner at heart, though I can be go with the flow and flexible, but I do like to make plans. Still I know that those can change so I don't cling too tightly to them until they are more set in stone. We have a tentative plan right now. We have agreed that I need to visit his family and friends in North Dakota and then we need to start talking seriously about how we close this distance and it's not something that should take years to do. For us we are both rather mobile right now and niether is in a job that is going to grow into a carrer so it isn't exactly obvious who should make the move at this point. WE both love our families a lot but are both willing to make a move so I guess we will just see where seems to be a better place for us to be North Dakota or Indiana, or maybe somewhere in the middle.

[SDPersona]

I don't plan ahead too much, just as far as my long term responsibilities like school goes. Fortunately or unfortunately (can't decide which yet!) I'm going to finish school next July, so I don't know what'll happen after that. I have a lot of ideas but no definitive plans, not even anything concerning us as a couple. Luckily we made plans to make plans when he visits me next year, so that sets my mind at ease. At least a little.