OK...so I'm gonna give a nut shell version of this, even though it'll still be fairly long
Me and and my...'ex' have been dancing around eachother for years now. We've kinda been doing a "friends with benefits" but, without the benefits cause it's a LDR so...it's weird. But anyway, the gist of it is, even though we haven't been officially together, and have been doing our own things, our feelings haven't died, and we haven't really hidden them from eachother over the years...at all, so here's my problem.
In early August I asked her if she wanted to try dating again, because well, we had been dancing around eachother so much that I thought it was time to settle it once and for all. In the end, she said no, but it wasn't because she didn't have feelings for me. She said that she just didn't feel like she had time for me right now, or wanted a relationship in general at the moment, but she said even though she didn't want to date me, she still loved me. Infact, she said I was her soulmate, and she'd never let another man be with her. So, with all this in mind, nothing really changed too much, but I was willing to kinda go with it, because I told her if she didn't want to be my gf, then I wasn't going to stay single for her should I meet someone else, and I also told her she didn't have to keep that loyal promise to me cause...well she doesn't want to date me so...yeah. She shot that down pretty fast though, and that was that.
So since then, I haven't really heard from her, at all. We've IMed once, and I think the only reason she did then was she knew something was wrong with me (other life problems at the time) and I mean, it's good she came on to talk when she sensed that but...that is ALL, I have heard from her really. Besides that, I've gotten like....less then six emails from her. Not one of those she started either, they were all replies to mine, and she ignored over half of the emails I sent. This isn't anything new...she's always busy. ALWAYS, and I am not trying to down play the importance of her life, I told her that. Right now she has a job, which naturally she needs to go to even though I know it's not really her thing. Last year she had school, which again, is very important, and she had to comute back and forth for a hour drive. She also has her hobbies, which are horse back riding and bellydancing, which you know, she likes to spend time doing, and I'm not trying to deny her right to go and do the things she loves but....well, I'm supposed to be one of the things she loves, so I want to hear from her sometimes. Even just a regualr email would be enough for me really, and I know her and I arn't together, cause she said this, but when you also tell someone that you are their soulmate, and will hold yourself back for that person, it....implies certain things, such as wanting to include them in your life, and make them feel important.
On top of that, while her life is busy, mine....isn't. I'm in a personal life rut right now. I've been trying to get into a school I want for two years now, and because I thought this year I was gonna make it up to the last minute, I left my job, which I can no longer go back to. So, right now my life is very....slow, and open, giving me alot of free time, making it impossible to distract myself from this fact. Even so I'm not asking her to talk to me for an hour a day to talk to me. I'm just asking for one simple email. Takes...five minutes to do, ten tops. But that isn't what set me off here. What set me off is, we started being penpals almost a year ago now, but our first letters were supposed to reach eachother in time for last Christmas. Mine got to her in time. Hers got to me in....March....because she didn't send it till April....and now, I recently found out she hasn't sent out another one yet, making her about two or three months late on this one too. It's RIDICULAS! Telling me she`s too busy for emails is bad enough, but a letter once every few months!? Back when I sent my last letter to her, I had a job, and hung out with friends, but I wrote the letter in whatever free time I could find. If I only had twenty minutes to write, then I'd write! Sometimes I'd need to wait a day or so to think of something to add (took me about...a week and a half to send mine out after recieving hers), but I made sure to make the letter as good as I could and get it out to her at a resonable pace. She clearly is not showing her 'soulmate' the same respect, and well, I'm not naturally a patient man, so I think she really doesn't know how lucky she is, considering I wouldn't put up with nearly half of this for anyone else but her! These days she doesn't even come online alot, so...well, she can't even ignore a email if she's not there to get it.
Anyway, I sent her this email to confront her about this..........
"I'm not sure how to put this politely without getting my point through, so I am going to be blunt.
It's really bugging me how I pretty much don't hear ANYTHING from you anymore. I know that you're busy, and have alot on your plate but...well that's always how it is with you. No matter what is going on with you exactly, in the end you are always busy, and it really makes me feel....neglected when you don't say anything to me. Now before you say what I know you would at this point, I don't want you to give up your life or anything. I said that before and I meant it. That said, I really don't think I am asking for alot. I just want a email from ya every day or so, and it doesn't have to be a big email. You know just....a line or two for a conversation.
"Hey."
"Hey"
"How's it going with you?"
"Alright. I'm really tired and busy alot."
"Oh that sucks."
"Yeah, but oh well, how have things been with you?"
Something like that. Doesn't take any time to write out small lines like that, even if english isn't your first language, because to not do that, makes me feel neglected like I said. Not even just neglected it.....Just....like you really don't care, especially when you're late with the letters......AGAIN. Saying you are too busy for a simple email each night is bad enough, but not being able to keep up with a letter every 2-3 months is....bad....cause it's not about how many pages you write to make up for it. I think you know that.
Anyway, I have no idea when you'll get this considering, or when/if you'll reply to me after that. I don't care anymore either...really. If you don't have any time for me, then I am not going to have any for you. "
I'm...not naturally a suttle person, as the email shows. If I have a problem, I say it straight up. I speak my mind. I know that isn't always best in these situations but...can't be helped. I sent the email Last....Tuesday I think, and she got it Thursday......she didn't reply, and she hasn't been online since.....
Right now my heart and mind are at war. I know I can't remain in this situation with her, but, I know where things are likely going to go....and I really don't want it to go there.....If anyone can give me some advice or something....it would be great, but again, I think I now what is gonna happen in the end here.
Thank you in advanced
P.S. Back in spring, I sent her a phone card so she could call me without it costing a fortune (I'm in Canada, she in Finland.), she...hasn't used it once....Syas she's nervous about making the call, and has thought about doing it but....six months of being shy isn't really a excuse....Not in my mind at least. Anyway, I'm saying this to show she as another means of talking to me, she just doesn't use it.
Me and and my...'ex' have been dancing around eachother for years now. We've kinda been doing a "friends with benefits" but, without the benefits cause it's a LDR so...it's weird. But anyway, the gist of it is, even though we haven't been officially together, and have been doing our own things, our feelings haven't died, and we haven't really hidden them from eachother over the years...at all, so here's my problem.
In early August I asked her if she wanted to try dating again, because well, we had been dancing around eachother so much that I thought it was time to settle it once and for all. In the end, she said no, but it wasn't because she didn't have feelings for me. She said that she just didn't feel like she had time for me right now, or wanted a relationship in general at the moment, but she said even though she didn't want to date me, she still loved me. Infact, she said I was her soulmate, and she'd never let another man be with her. So, with all this in mind, nothing really changed too much, but I was willing to kinda go with it, because I told her if she didn't want to be my gf, then I wasn't going to stay single for her should I meet someone else, and I also told her she didn't have to keep that loyal promise to me cause...well she doesn't want to date me so...yeah. She shot that down pretty fast though, and that was that.
So since then, I haven't really heard from her, at all. We've IMed once, and I think the only reason she did then was she knew something was wrong with me (other life problems at the time) and I mean, it's good she came on to talk when she sensed that but...that is ALL, I have heard from her really. Besides that, I've gotten like....less then six emails from her. Not one of those she started either, they were all replies to mine, and she ignored over half of the emails I sent. This isn't anything new...she's always busy. ALWAYS, and I am not trying to down play the importance of her life, I told her that. Right now she has a job, which naturally she needs to go to even though I know it's not really her thing. Last year she had school, which again, is very important, and she had to comute back and forth for a hour drive. She also has her hobbies, which are horse back riding and bellydancing, which you know, she likes to spend time doing, and I'm not trying to deny her right to go and do the things she loves but....well, I'm supposed to be one of the things she loves, so I want to hear from her sometimes. Even just a regualr email would be enough for me really, and I know her and I arn't together, cause she said this, but when you also tell someone that you are their soulmate, and will hold yourself back for that person, it....implies certain things, such as wanting to include them in your life, and make them feel important.
On top of that, while her life is busy, mine....isn't. I'm in a personal life rut right now. I've been trying to get into a school I want for two years now, and because I thought this year I was gonna make it up to the last minute, I left my job, which I can no longer go back to. So, right now my life is very....slow, and open, giving me alot of free time, making it impossible to distract myself from this fact. Even so I'm not asking her to talk to me for an hour a day to talk to me. I'm just asking for one simple email. Takes...five minutes to do, ten tops. But that isn't what set me off here. What set me off is, we started being penpals almost a year ago now, but our first letters were supposed to reach eachother in time for last Christmas. Mine got to her in time. Hers got to me in....March....because she didn't send it till April....and now, I recently found out she hasn't sent out another one yet, making her about two or three months late on this one too. It's RIDICULAS! Telling me she`s too busy for emails is bad enough, but a letter once every few months!? Back when I sent my last letter to her, I had a job, and hung out with friends, but I wrote the letter in whatever free time I could find. If I only had twenty minutes to write, then I'd write! Sometimes I'd need to wait a day or so to think of something to add (took me about...a week and a half to send mine out after recieving hers), but I made sure to make the letter as good as I could and get it out to her at a resonable pace. She clearly is not showing her 'soulmate' the same respect, and well, I'm not naturally a patient man, so I think she really doesn't know how lucky she is, considering I wouldn't put up with nearly half of this for anyone else but her! These days she doesn't even come online alot, so...well, she can't even ignore a email if she's not there to get it.
Anyway, I sent her this email to confront her about this..........
"I'm not sure how to put this politely without getting my point through, so I am going to be blunt.
It's really bugging me how I pretty much don't hear ANYTHING from you anymore. I know that you're busy, and have alot on your plate but...well that's always how it is with you. No matter what is going on with you exactly, in the end you are always busy, and it really makes me feel....neglected when you don't say anything to me. Now before you say what I know you would at this point, I don't want you to give up your life or anything. I said that before and I meant it. That said, I really don't think I am asking for alot. I just want a email from ya every day or so, and it doesn't have to be a big email. You know just....a line or two for a conversation.
"Hey."
"Hey"
"How's it going with you?"
"Alright. I'm really tired and busy alot."
"Oh that sucks."
"Yeah, but oh well, how have things been with you?"
Something like that. Doesn't take any time to write out small lines like that, even if english isn't your first language, because to not do that, makes me feel neglected like I said. Not even just neglected it.....Just....like you really don't care, especially when you're late with the letters......AGAIN. Saying you are too busy for a simple email each night is bad enough, but not being able to keep up with a letter every 2-3 months is....bad....cause it's not about how many pages you write to make up for it. I think you know that.
Anyway, I have no idea when you'll get this considering, or when/if you'll reply to me after that. I don't care anymore either...really. If you don't have any time for me, then I am not going to have any for you. "
I'm...not naturally a suttle person, as the email shows. If I have a problem, I say it straight up. I speak my mind. I know that isn't always best in these situations but...can't be helped. I sent the email Last....Tuesday I think, and she got it Thursday......she didn't reply, and she hasn't been online since.....
Right now my heart and mind are at war. I know I can't remain in this situation with her, but, I know where things are likely going to go....and I really don't want it to go there.....If anyone can give me some advice or something....it would be great, but again, I think I now what is gonna happen in the end here.
Thank you in advanced
P.S. Back in spring, I sent her a phone card so she could call me without it costing a fortune (I'm in Canada, she in Finland.), she...hasn't used it once....Syas she's nervous about making the call, and has thought about doing it but....six months of being shy isn't really a excuse....Not in my mind at least. Anyway, I'm saying this to show she as another means of talking to me, she just doesn't use it.
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