Planning For The Future.

[bananabrain]

I'm only a freshman at my Japanese college. However, I feel obligated to start thinking about the future already; in Japan, you have to start looking for jobs as early as junior year. Therefore, you need to start thinking about the kind of things you need to study, or licenses you need to obtain. If I need a license, then I need to start studying as early as now.

However, there are obstacles.

- My SO cannot speak a single letter of Japanese, which means I will have to close the distance by moving back to America after college.
- If I were to find an American job, then I would have to skip job-searching in Japan.
- Furthermore, labor turnover is far more rampant in America. Meaning, I could get fired more easily. Besides, the unemployment rate in America is twice the rate in Japan. Medical fees cost way more.
- Finding a desirable job in America from Japan is hard.

Well, that's not the worst part.
- My mom said college relationships most likely won't last after three years. Apparently, it's too far-fetched and ridiculous to plan closing the distance as early as now.
- What if I DO break up with her after I skip searching for jobs in Japan? What if I DO find out that Diana is unsuitable for marriage?

Therefore, I'm extremely anxious. I don't know what to do. I can't plan for the future, but at the same time, I feel obligated to.

[snow_girl]

You can never predict the future. You can plan it to a T and it can go completely another direction. Go to college, keep your options open, plan ahead and get the things you may need in order to work and stay in japan after school but also if you are happy with Diana right now then be happy together. A lot can change in a year or two (however long your course is) The job markets can change so quickly. For now though just make sure you plan for all situations, there is not need to cut out one or the other just yet.

[bananabrain]

Thank you for responding. If only keeping options open was easy. In Japan, I'm expected to find a job before I graduate. If I were to live in America, however, I should wait until graduation. It seems as though I have to sacrifice one or the another.

[snow_girl]

Could you not accept a job now and then turn it down later on?

[Mara]

As usual, I agree with snow_girl. I would prepare to work in both Japan and America. You don't have to make any decisions as of yet. Just because you are offered a job in either country does not necessarily mean you have to take it so for now I would prepare like you were to work in both then when the time comes make the decision. Also, just because your SO doesn't speak Japanese now doesn't mean she couldn't learn. It's not like she'd be moving to you tomorrow, it seems like she would have more than enough time to learn the language.

And as far as what your mother said, pretty much everyone I know that's married met their SO while in college.

[lucybelle]

I think most people who make huge sacrifices for their SO have thought at some time "what if this doesn't work out?" I mean lots of marriages don't work out, so it'd be silly (I think) to not even consider breaking up. My thought is you need to have tons of back up plans. When I moved in with my SO to a different country, I thought long and hard and decided that this is something I would want to do regardless of if my SO and I were together. I would still want to move abroad for a while. So is this something you would think of pursuing if your SO wasn't in the picture at all? I also believe that working for a year or two in the USA would look great on your resume. So perhaps you should plan on working in the states for 1 or 2 years after graduation, then move back to Japan.

[rhomy]

I totally agree with Snow girl and Mara. You should prepare for both situations. There is no way for you (or anyone) to know how the future is going to be and you have to be ready for what life would bring you tomorrow.
About what your mom said, I know ppl that are married that met in college and a lot of them that didn't. But that is not about statistics, is about you and Diana and the love you feel for each other. But you can't ever take anything for granted.
I'm in a similar situation too. I'm way older than you though lol. I'm spending a lot of money doing post graduate courses to improve my career and professional skills, but that would only be useful If I stay in Argentina.
If I go to the U.S it would be extremely difficult for me to get all the papers and requirements to work as a dentist there. So at the same time I'm looking for a new career that will allow me to work in the U.S. without making such a mess.
It's expensive and exhausting but he is totally worth the effort, but then again, as I said you don't know how the future will turn. So you need to be prepared for both situations.
And as Mara said, Diana can always learn Japanese. Remember that both of you need to make an effort.
(in my case it is different because he has a daughter and of course, he is not leaving her so If things continue as good as they are now, I'm the one moving )

To end this extremely long answer all I can say is that you should "fight" for your love but never neglect your future.

[floridaellen]

There is always the option of her moving to Japan. I studied Japanese in high school and found it fascinating and, while challenging, not impossible.

[FadedSunrise]

I'm with lucybelle on the "working abroad is good for your resume" idea. I am graduating next year from undergraduate studies in the US, and plan on looking for SOME kind of year length experience in China(his country). For me, it wont end up being a job, because those with US visas can't work for pay in China. But I'm applying to a host of scholarships and other programs, so that I might benefit my resume with international experience. In addition, this would bring us to a close distance relationship for a longer period, so that I can determine whether the relationship itself is worth pursuing when taken out of the LD context.

Afterwards, though I know I am returning to attend a law school here. So your answer on who moves to who will also depend on her goals in education and employment. Is she like me, where if she studies in a certain country the regulations she learns there will only be applicable there? And what about your work? There are definitely many considerations to be made.

[Zephii]

what they said!

Also three years is a long time, your SO could learn japanese in that time and maybe go on a working holiday to Japan with you, so all your legwork to get a job wouldn't be wasted?

[Bethypoo]

Honesty, there is no way to 100% know what is going to happen. In my personal opinion you need to do what is best for you first. That way, you aren't giving up any of your plans. I see it as this. If you make it through college together then that is great. If you make it through starting careers that are in your own best interest great. If at the end you have made it through then you know that you have made it through together and nobody gave up anything.

But that is just my personal theory. My SO is living his life and doing what he has to do right now and I am doing what I have to do. I dont want to give anything up in case we dont stay together. At the end we can make decision, but right now we need to focus on ourselves. I think you should do the same.

[LilyChiba]

I agree with what everything has been said. It would be wise to try planning for both situations. And yeah, Japanese isn't that hard a language to learn in my opinion. I did it in school for 5 years and loved it. I want to relearn it because it's been over a decade since I last even used any decent Japanese phrases. Plus, 3 years is a long time and with someone who already knows Japanese, it will make the process go that much faster. It's never a bad thing to be multi-lingual anyhow.

[bananabrain]

So to summarize everything...

- NOTHING in the future is certain.
- Try to be prepared for any situation.
- it's not out of question that I make Diana learn Japanese/adapt to Japan.
- for the most part, focus on myself.
- It's not like I HAVE to accept my job offers.
- According to Mara, pretty much everyone I know that's married met their SO while in college. However, to quote lucybelle, "most people who make huge sacrifices for their SO have thought at some time 'what if this doesn't work out?' I mean lots of marriages don't work out, so it'd be silly (I think) to not even consider breaking up."
- It may depend on me and Diana and the love we feel for each other. But I can't ever take anything for granted.
- Working abroad may be good for my resume.
- My answer on who moves to who will also depend on her goals in education and employment. If she studies in a certain country the regulations she learns there will only be applicable there? And what about my work? There are definitely many considerations to be made.

Okay, I'll try to seek career counseling based on these beliefs. Thank you, as always, for your support.