Does it sound over? Need advice.

[spideybass]

So my girlfriend and I have been together over 7 months now and it has been an LD the entire time. For the last four months or so she has been in school which has taken up a lot of her time. Over the last couple months she seems to be getting more distant. She never texts me anymore and returns maybe 1 out of 6 calls I make to her. When we do actually talk it's fine. What bothers me is that she says she can't ever find the time to call me, but when I do get in touch with her we can talk for at least a half an hour. Maybe I am reading too far into this but it just seems weird. Also when I do call her tone sounds like I am bothering her. There have been one or two times where we had the chance to see each other and she flaked on both. One was a wedding I was supposed to go to with her. Three days before I was supposed to leave we talked and she all of a sudden told me she is really stressed out right now and that it might not be a good idea if I came with her. Maybe it's just me, but when things are rough the one person I want to be with is my SO. She knew I had taken time off work and bought a nice suit. I told her I understood but really I was upset. I tend to put her needs before mine because I love her so much. Also my birthday was on one of the days we would have been together. When she came back we sort of got into talking about why she really didn't want me there. She went on a tangent about what if we started arguing and you wanted to leave but you couldn't (wedding was on an island off of Washington) and then you would be stuck with nowhere to go. This came out of nowhere. It really sounded like something from a past relationship really upset her because we get along great. Now the holidays are coming and I told her I managed to get five days off including xmas and would like to spend it with her. She said she needed to look at her days off and that she might actually go visit her brother with her mom. Which is totally fine. Family is family. The thing that bothers me is that I asked her to let me know her holiday schedule as soon as she can. She said she would....that was 7 days ago. Have heard nothing from her since. I just find it disrespectful to leave me hanging in the wind.
I am madly in love with her and I know she was with me in the beginning. I do what I can for her like send her flowers every month anniversary and send her care packages of food to her when she is at school so she can save her money. I even wrote her poetry which she eventually stopped acknowledging so I stopped writing it. Don't get me wrong, she is the sweetest person in the world and I know she would never hurt me on purpose. This is where I am stuck. I told her I would wait for her forever and I am willing to do that even through all this, but I am just afraid that it might not work out. Can anyone give me any advice or help with this? Sorry for the super long post.

[Kelly.92]

It sounds to me like you said, your SO may have had a bad experience previously in a relationship, and she is avoiding being too close to you because she is afraid of loosing what you already have... I think you should tell her and reassure her that you are always there for her, although you probably already do! Also it may sound harsh, but possibly give her a little space? Like with the flowers every month.... This sounds super harsh, but when she stops recieving them she will hopefully realise how lucky she is to have someone like you.. Any girl would LOVE their man to send them flowers each month This is obviously just my opinion, but you don't want to be taken for granted, like with the poetry

About the communication with each other... It prob sounds really obvious but talk with her and set a time.. No if's no But's.. That's your time to speak to each other... It's nice to text all day and what not, but maybe saving it until your allocated time at the end of each day will be nice to offload to each other and listen to what the other has been up to all day Another idea me and my SO do is send an email every evening... Sometimes including pictures of random things we have seen/done during the day ... Its so fun to read and look at what he has done every day and I look forward to them... Maybe you could try something like this??

I don't think you should be re-considering your relationship with her, like you said and I said, I feel she has an underlying problem maybe from a previous relationship... Try and talk it out with her and reassure her as much as you can...


GOOD LUCK

x

[spideybass]

Thanks. That does help. I try to get advice from friends but a lot of times they are looking out for me which is great, but they see I am hurting so automatically assume she is hurting me on purpose. Nice to get advice from the outside if you know what I mean

[Bethypoo]

Yea, it is heard to let people in after a bad experience. But just reassure her and then let her know that the way things are going really aren't working for you in terms of what you need. Like you said, if there is a reason: School, work,family, or other commitments that is fine. But just not returning you calls and keeping you at arms length really isnt going to help the progress of your relationship.

Talk to her. Even if she shuts down just be persistent and remind her that you want to talk to her and that you want this relationship to work.

[Zephii]

She doesn't want to speak to you, and she doesn't want to see you. This is what I get from your post. I do think it's over and she just doesn't know how to end it, or isn't sure right now if she wants to end it but doesn't have time for a relationship/doesn't want to make time. I'm sorry. Talk to her, and see if you can get a straight answer out of her, but honestly it looks bad - it looks to me like she's making excuses.

[spideybass]

Thank you for the feedback. Going to call her tonight. Wish me luck.

[Bethypoo]

GOOD LUCK