I need a little help. Still kida new to LDR's

[Daylan]

**Just to be forewarned, this may be really long. Sorry about that, but this question has been building up for a long time**

So, My girlfriend and I have been dating for a little less than 3 months and the first was AMAZING!!! We talked all the time, we video chatted almost every day, we text all the time (clean and dirty...more or less) and we couldn't stop talking to each other. But, September came around and that's when I got at my lowest point because I was getting fustrated that I couldn't see her or be near her and we always talked about how when we meet for the first time it'll be amazing and we'll kiss and hug and just do couple stuff...but I got real down. It was my mistake, and I never should have done it in the first place, but I started posting stuff on Facebook about how "distance makes the heart grow fonder...BS!!" or something like that. I knew I was just in a really bad mood, but it came to bite me in the butt.

Make a long story short, she seen it, got P.O'ed, we had an argument, and then we talked about it. She said I was being too clingy and with her going to college, she didn't need that. I told her that I would change and try to be less clingy (which I have been by the way) and since then, we haven't really spoken as much as we use to because she's really busy now being in her last year of college, going for what she wants to do. How do I cope with not talking to her as much as we use to. And not only that, but how do I stop myself from "spying" on her? She has twitter and I never really use it that much, but recently I have and go to her profile to see if she got home safe or not or if she has a hard time sleeping. She'll tell me that she'll text me if she can't sleep, but she never does, so I asume that she slept soundly. Her tweets say different. I hate myself for doing this and I want to quit. I want to be able to allow her her privacy...But at the same time, if she's having a crappy day and she doesn't say it to me directly, then I could go on there and see what's the matter and address it. But, at the same time, that's invading her privacy since I don't follow her and she doesn't follow me...and I want to tell her that I have a twitter, but I'm afraid she'll call me off as clingy and when we argued she said that if I did what I did again, she'll have to break it off, which would be terrible for me because I've been waiting a long time and actually wasted my life waiting for November (because that's when she's able to come down here).

I really do love her...I've never felt like this with anyone else, and quite frankly, I don't want to experience this with anyone else. She's the only who I actually truely loved (or at least I feel like I love her according to my dad) and we've both agreed that we were meant to be....that we're soulmates (if you want to believe in that kind of thing....I do, especially since NO ONE has ever said that to me and she said it spur of the moment). Any help with coping would be greatly appreciated. Again, I apologize for the length of this post, so please bare with me because I'm new to this and I want this to go as far as it can possibly go. I miss seeing her and hearing her voice (because her webcam went kaput and she doesn't call me on skype as much as she use to...yet she voice skypes her friends everyday, if not every other day).

[rhomy]

Hey D!
First of all, everybody is kinda clingy every once in a while. But there is a difference between being clingy and being controller (I'm not sure if that's the exact word but English is not my first language)
I know what you mean about distance being unbearable, for me it is sometimes. But you need to learn to cope with that. And rememember that trust is the most important thing in a LDR. If she can't sleep and she doesn't text you, maybe it is because she doesn't want to upset you, not because she doesn't care. If she tells you that she is busy with college, then give her time to deal with that and support her, don't "spy" on her.

I've been waiting a long time and actually wasted my life waiting for November

Well, it seems that you "paused" your life. That might be the reason why you are so upset and can't stop checking her twitter and feeling down. I don't think waiting for the person you love is a waste of time EVER. But you need to do things for you. Try to keep busy. Then you'll have less time to think.
I don't know what do you like to do, but try doing some sports, learning something new, or even prepare her a surprise for November.
And when you feel sad, instead of complaining about distance (which is a fact that you are not able to modify for now) try telling her things like: "Right now I would love to hold you tight". It sounds better than: "I hate distance! Why are you so far?"

Well, I hope it helps...
Good luck!

[Bethypoo]

Being in college is stressful and it really doesn't help when your SO is not there with you. It just takes alot of extra time and is frustrating to see everyone else with their SO and you arent. People handle things differently.

Just be open with her. You both have lives and need to live them but you need to find a medium that you are both happy with when it comes to communication. But you cant wait for her every moment. As for the spying via twitter, honestly, i have my SO on Facebook but we dont write on each other walls or anything like that. He has his life and i have mine I dont need to intrude upon it. And if there are things that you arent comfortable with that she is posting via twitter then you either need to explain to her why it makes you uncomfortable on just dont look at you.

[Daylan]

Like I mentioned in the original post, I try to contain my clinginess by not texting her every waking moment. The only times I do text her is when I say good morning, good night or if she texts me.

If she can't sleep and she doesn't text you, maybe it is because she doesn't want to upset you, not because she doesn't care.

I never really heard of anyone doing that, but I guess it could be true. I don't want to mention it to her because I'm scared that she might accuse me of being clingy again and that would just end it because she told me that she doesn't like clingy people...She means alot to me and losing her would help me in my situation. It's bad enough that I stay at home with no job, no license and no one to talk to during the day because everyone is either at school or at work.

As far as putting my life on hold, that's all I can do because of the aforementioned details, I can't go anywhere when I want to. I have no income nor any money to my name except for chump change. Maybe some help with talking to her? I know you don't know either of us, but if it was you and your SO, what would you do?

[Daylan]

Jess is a friend of mine on facebook as well, but she uses twitter more often because all of her friends use twitter. But she doesn't say anything that bothers me because she can't: none of her friends know that we're in a relationship. And her friends are my friends too, but I haven't known them as long as she has (for her 1-3 years knowing them and for me 3 months). Even if she did say anything, I can't reply because people will figure it out and she doesn't want them to know just yet PLUS she'll know that I'm "spying" on her (I really hate using that word). I've wanted to tell her that I have a twitter, but if I do that, I'm scared she'll just figure that I'm doing what I'm doing now and break it off. I don't want to go on twitter and see if she's been staying up or not because the only reason I do go on twitter is because she'll tell me that she's going to bed, but then go on twitter and stay on there for hours until it's like 3-4 in the morning. She'll post things like "can't sleep" or something like that and I tell her all the time that if she can't sleep, she can always text me because I stay awake all the time until I pass out around 3 or 4. Plus, I like it when she texts me because I always feel better and at ease when I do. I'll be completely pissed off and moody until she texts me, then it's like nothing ever happened and I was the happiest person all day.

I don't have much of a life to live because of my unemployment and the lack of a drivers license to go out and look for a job. The only job I had was a vaccuum cleaner salesman, and I didn't even get to do that and it only lasted not even two days because I figured out the pay wasn't worth the hours. I've put in for many positions and none have returned, so yeah...I sit at the house all day and I mean I do dishes and I clean out the litter boxes for my cats and I feed them, I sweep the floors and some other medial tasks, but that's it. None of them take up more than like 10-15 minutes of my time. All I'm left to do is sit and either watch tv (which is really becoming boring), Play videogames (which is also becoming boring because I played all of them) or get on the internet (which has nothing interesting because I have nothing to divert my attention). I want a job, or maybe go back to school. I rather do something than nothing because this is getting rediculous. Everyone I know is either at work or at school, so I have absolutely no one to talk to during the day. It's becoming more of a problem and it's gotten to the point of where I just sit in my room and fidget with things. I want to do stuff, but there's nothing to motivate me to do them. Sure, I could go out and exercise and get a little more in shape before Jess gets here, and I've been wanting to get in the gym, but because of certain events, I've just become depressed and I never feel like doing anything anymore...

I'm sorry, I went on a rant, but I'm sure you get my point on a few little things.

[rhomy]

Hey D!
Of course I don't know you or the situation, no idea how old are you or where you live. But it seems you are really depressed. I know you may feel like everything is boring and don't want to do anything but try to do it once. Read, or Exercise as you said. Not only because you want to look nice when she arrives but also because it will help clear your mind and gain energy.
The less you do, the less you wanna do. (if you know what I mean)

I'm sorry about you not having a license. What about public transport? Or sending your resumee through the internet.

About the way you feel about her, try telling her all you wrote above. Not complaining about her not talking to you, but letting her know how that makes you feel.

I don't know what else to say... good luck!

[Daylan]

Thanks for your help If you want to know (if you answer any future question I have) I'm 19 and I live in South Carolina. I don't live in the city though...I'm actually living in the polar opposite. The closest city is about 20-25 miles away from me, so there are no public transportation services where I live. I have a resume on the internet and I have a printable version with me just in case on a UBS flash drive. As far as reading, my attention span won't allow me, lol. I have ADD (I'm sure of it), so I have a hard time concentrating on any one thing. And I understand what you mean about the less I do, the less I want to do. I want to do it, but I literally have to force myself to even think about doing it, and even then I just opt out and regret it for the rest of the day.

As far as voicing out my opinions, I'm not really good at doing that. I usually keep things to myself because I'm scared that I might piss her off if I say it the wrong way or she thinks I'm being too clingy. Speaking of, I know that one can be clingy, but when she told me to stop being clingy, that's what really threw me off. I'm of clingy nature and I can't help it. Once I have something that I love, I don't want to throw it away (in this case, the relationship). By the way, in my reply to your first response, I meant to say that it *wouldn't* help me in my situation. Just had to say that in case there was some form of unclearity :P

Anyway, I want to say that I'm in a state of depression, but anytime I mention that I am to Jess, she says that I'm not because I wouldn't know until I see a professional. The only reason she says that is because SHE suffers from depression, but she takes medication for it. I say that I am depressed seeing as how I don't really live much of a life right now and there's nothing going on for me, except for Jess. I try to hang out with friends, but can't since they're working/school. I often wish that I could just go to school again because that'll give me something to do during the day and when I'm often busy, my mind is occupied and I don't even give Jess a though (eventhough that sounds terrible, it's what I need the most). There's never anything that keeps me busy no more than 10-15 minutes out of the 16-17 hours I'm awake. But, I'm going to change that hopefully soon.

Sorry to keep you reading and such, I just write alot because I have so much to say. Thank you for all of your help and any help that you give in the future

[rhomy]

If you really think you are depressed, indeed you should see a professional but meanwhile try harder to do things. If you say you regret all day when you don't.
And try to see your friends as much as possible. I know they work and go to shool but they don't do that 24/7 and they are the ones that can help you the most

Big hug!