Idk anymore....

[Sharon Q]

I don't know what to do anymore, All my SO and I have done is fight.
Last night I got upset because he wants to talk to his ex. Now I don't mind this, there was no chemistry with them and I've talked to her. I don't really like her that much because when Robert and I got back together she posted
" Dislike " on the relationship update on FB

And I asked her a while back what he told her about me.
Not one thing she said was positive.
I feel as if she may bash our relationship while talking to him
and her being an ex whom he used to remotely have feelings for He may be more likely to listen.

So I kinda told him not to talk to her about us. I explained why.

Now I understand he needs other friends. and he needs others to talk to.

and idc if he talks to other friends about me, just her.

He never agreed to this. And said he didn't care how I felt about it and that I needed to relax and stop being so controlling.

I got on webcam with him last night just to tell him I loved him.
We almost broke up. ( my side ) but he said he didn't want to break up.

I just feel like he deserves better. and I can't give him that.

NOT ONE THING she said he told her about me was positive. And I get that its been 8 months since we got back together and like they only dated two months.

When I talked to her about him the way she talked about being around him just pissed me off

" Oh I understand Robert I just can't be around him I can't be around someone more depressed than me and it was just awkward between us "

But I'm never going to tell him our conversation because it would ruin their friendship and as much as I dislike her for the above reasons I wont ruin him having a friendship with someone. Which apparently I've already kept him from making/staying friends with ppl.

I just feel like I should leave him.... I only make his life worse, I just keep hurting him...

[Madge]

I think maybe the both of you need to chill for a couple of days or something. From what I have seen you post you guys have just started into a LD relationship right? I honestly don't know how couples can cope from being CD and then going into LD and I give major props to those types of relationships. It just sounds like the both of you are still adjusting to the transition of being apart.

Seriously, don't blame yourself! it takes two to tango as the saying goes and it can't just be you who is in the wrong.

[Minerva]

If I'm to understand correctly, you talked to her? And she said he had nothing good to say about you to her? Well, consider the source. This is a person who said "dislike" to his Facebook update about you, she surely knew you'd see that. She obviously still has something for him.

My SO is friends with his soon-to-be-ex-wife, and I have no problem with that. He is friends with other women. I don't have a problem with that either. But I would have a problem if another woman had a thing for him AND was trying to undermine us. Which is exactly what she is doing. You can't tell your SO who to be friends with, but you have a right to be upset about this. I would hope he'd have the common sense to understand why this would cause friction between the two of you, and would take himself out of the situation. It's not just that she has a crush on him -- it's that she's also interfering with his relationship. That's disrespectful.

So look, this is a tough thing for anyone to deal with. It's not that you're bad for him, this is an issue that would upset most people.

And you're newly LD. That's a big step in a relationship, there's bound to be bumps.

Talk to each other, try to explain how this woman makes you feel, try to express it has nothing to do with trying to control him.

Chin up, it'll get better.

[Bethypoo]

I agree with both Madge and Minerva. I think you need to take a step back.

A) Realize that the person who is telling you that he has nothing good to say is someone who you presume wants the two of you to not be together. So take that with a grain of salt. Have you talked to him about what she has told you? If not then you need to do that. Whether or not you believe what he has to say is an entirely different issue. If you dont trust him then there is a huge aspect to your problem.

B) If you dont trust him, or even if there is a doubt then you need to bring this up. You mentioned breaking up and obviously he didnt want that. But he is going to have to realize that no woman would be happy or necessarily comfortable with their guy talking to an ex who is saying the things you say she does. But that is a choice he has to make and you need to decide if you want to deal with.

C) Dont make any harsh decisions when you are upset or confused. Some times you just need a minute. Tell him that. And tell him what your issues are and where you are willing to bend and where you arent. You cant tell him what to do and who to talk to. It just doesnt work that way. So maybe lay everything out. Hear what the other has to say and then sit on it for a few days.

[Sharon Q]

I have talked to him about what she said. HE SAID NOTHING IN HIS DEFENSE ON THE MATTER!

[Bethypoo]

Then you need to take that at face value and decide if you are willing to be talked about in such a way by someone who claims they love you...

[LeilaniJoi]

And said he didn't care how I felt about it

Uhh... maybe Im off base here but I would have issues with this. Even if he doesn't agree with your viewpoint he should at least validate that it bothers you and respect that. My SO talks to his exes and while Im not thrilled about it he is with me, not them. I still talk to mine occasionally and have to respect that for him as well. The only one I had issues with was the one that broke he and his (then) fiance up and I would have problems with any ex with that kind of history, especially since I felt she was using him for sympathy and emotional support which was misplaced as she was with someone else at the time too. Once he found out how I felt about her specifically the communication stopped.. and boy did she get defensive which just makes me that much more certain it was more for her than just a friendly chat.

In any case... he should never just dismiss your feelings that easily or brusquely. If you are in a committed relationship he should respect your feelings, even if he doesn't necessarily agree with them. At the very least stand up for your relationship with her and tell her if she is going to diss you then he won't be there to talk to.

[Sharon Q]

We are going to talk about it online tonight if he gets on hopefully over webcam

[Madge]

I hope your talk sorts some things out between the both of you

[Sharon Q]

Thanks, We dont want to break up but I'm not sure what to do. I love him, but I feel like he would be better off without me.