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**Sharon Q** · October 21, 2011, 05:16 PM

Okay first: BREATHE

Second: Talk to him about this. Let him know you are worried. Talk to him about your insecurities so he can put them to rest.

**11MikesGirl21** · October 21, 2011, 05:19 PM

I have the same problem, with exes and with girls who have liked him for years.

But yes, first calm down and then talk to him about it. My boyfriend knows my worries and he makes a point to not go out alone, or if he ends up having to escort someone (he's in CAP, sometimes escorting a girl is called for) he tells me, and then he makes a point to hold up a standard.

**megfashion** · October 21, 2011, 05:21 PM

ive tried, i said to him this girl called maria looks so good for him, they looked perfect together. but he just doesnt want to hear it, he just snaps at me and gets angry.

there was this girl called julia who constantly was all over my SO, and will be going over to see him at some point too. he just doesnt get it! i tried to talk to him about it n i said id rather her be at a hotel, but no he wont hear any of it. he said she would sleep on the floor, but THATS STILL SLEEPING IN THE SAME ROOM

and all these pictures are of him with these other girls, up near to them. some even without his guyfriend ollie being there.

im just so overwhelmed. im supposed to see him sunday and im just not excited at all at the prospect anymore.

**snow_girl** · October 21, 2011, 05:27 PM

Why would you say they look perfect for each other? Of course he would get mad and not want to hear it cause he doesn't want her, He is with you!! What are you trying to get at by saying that? That you want him to dump you and go out with her instead? You really need to calm down a bit, just cause he hangs out with girls doesn't mean he wants any sort of relationship with them. I have tons of guy friends that I hang out alone with and there has never been sexual tension. Tell him that you are feeling insecure, but you need to realize that people don't stick to an LDR just for the fun of it. When you see him enjoy it, he wouldn't see you if he didn't want to.

**Sharon Q** · October 21, 2011, 05:33 PM

ive tried, i said to him this girl called maria looks so good for him, they looked perfect together. but he just doesnt want to hear it, he just snaps at me and gets angry.

If my boyfriend told me I looked perfect with one of my guy friends I would be upset and get mad at him for making such an assumption especially because I only want to be with him.

The way this comes off is that you are telling him you feel he looks perfect with someone else rather than with you and that IS hurtful

**11MikesGirl21** · October 21, 2011, 05:35 PM

Originally posted by megfashion View Post

ive tried, i said to him this girl called maria looks so good for him, they looked perfect together. but he just doesnt want to hear it, he just snaps at me and gets angry.

there was this girl called julia who constantly was all over my SO, and will be going over to see him at some point too. he just doesnt get it! i tried to talk to him about it n i said id rather her be at a hotel, but no he wont hear any of it. he said she would sleep on the floor, but THATS STILL SLEEPING IN THE SAME ROOM

and all these pictures are of him with these other girls, up near to them. some even without his guyfriend ollie being there.

im just so overwhelmed. im supposed to see him sunday and im just not excited at all at the prospect anymore.

It's all about HOW you say WHAT you NEED to say. That's not the best way to go about it. Be general, say stuff like "all these girls you hang around, make me uncomfortable because A, B, and C. Can you please do A, B, C, to make me feel better about it. Or if you don't want to do exactly like can we come up with something that makes us both comfortable."

**Zephii** · October 21, 2011, 06:03 PM

I didn't read all the replies coz I'm on my phone, but I wanted to ask you: are you attracted to every guy you meet? Do you see a potential relationship partner or fling in every man? No. I very much doubt it. In fact you probably feel super lucky you found him because let's face it, compatability is a rare and beautiful thing.

So with that in mind, don't you think its a bit silly to assume that because he's a guy and because you think he's attractive that for some reason that makes every woman a potential replacement for you? You see how that makes no sense right?

So the moral of this story is: just because it has a vagina does not mean it is a threat to your relationship.

Keep smiling

**floridaellen** · October 21, 2011, 06:09 PM

I can understand your insecurity because I have it too, especially about this one girl who works with him. But trust is really important. I agree with the above posters: talk to him. Tell him it's bothering you. But don't say it in a threatening or insecure manner.

**Engel** · October 21, 2011, 06:20 PM

Originally posted by megfashion View Post

there was this girl called julia who constantly was all over my SO, and will be going over to see him at some point too. he just doesnt get it! i tried to talk to him about it n i said id rather her be at a hotel, but no he wont hear any of it. he said she would sleep on the floor, but THATS STILL SLEEPING IN THE SAME ROOM

wait, a girl will go see him, IN HIS HOUSE? where does she live? have they met in person before? now that would be a deal breaker for me, if he refused to let the girl stay in a hotel i wouldnt care if she would sleep in a different room altogether, the relationship wouldnt have a future for me.

you see so many girls here that were just friends with their now SOs when they were in a relationship with someone else, and after they got together, so i dont believe in guys/ girls relationships, the exception is if the guy is gay or the woman is lesbian, all the guy friends i had that were straight tried something with me sooner or later. so now i only have one guy friend that i talk on ocasion, and he is my sos best friend, so i only see him when we are together and its a completely different situation.

and i have gay friends, and girls friends, but yeah, that is it.

**Malaga** · October 21, 2011, 07:39 PM

Originally posted by Engel View Post

so i dont believe in guys/ girls relationships, the exception is if the guy is gay or the woman is lesbian, all the guy friends i had that were straight tried something with me sooner or later.

I have to say I agree with this, the older I get the more I find it true. There's a lot of people here who'll say different, and more power to them, but personally I don't believe close friendships are possible without one person hoping for something else. I am glad my boyfriend doesn't have close female friends, and I have cut contact with my single male friends, because they're not my real friends, any one of them would get it on with me if I expressed interest. It's not fair to them and not fair to my boyfriend either.

I would also feel upset at the idea of another girl, especially one who obviously fancies him, staying in his room. It's not even about trust, it's just uncalled for. Some things you just do not do in a relationship, no matter how much you trust each other.

**Fyrestar** · October 21, 2011, 07:46 PM

/gone.

**LilyChiba** · October 21, 2011, 08:05 PM

I disagree with not being able to have girl/guy friend relationships to be honest. Why? Because I've always been able to relate with my guy friends more than girls. It has nothing to do with one expecting something of the other and no, it doesn't always turn out like that. Maybe I'm just different. But I lay down the clear rules as to whether or not something can happen straight off the bat and if at that point, they don't like it, goodbye and have a nice life. But to be pretty honest, all my guy friends have always been better than girl ones. They've also been a lot more loyal over the years too. I actually only have really one true girl friend in this country and I don't talk often, only when she comes here. lol. But my SO doesn't panic. And he's got a lot of girl friends too, and his friends probably equal a lot more than me IRL because I don't go out to the clubs. Sometimes there's even things I see that I wtf to, but I trust him and that's all that's needed.

**kiara_silver** · October 21, 2011, 08:07 PM

Im insecure too, but in the end he is with you not any other girl. I used to make myself go crazy thinking about the girls he's around. (lol my SO didnt help with some of the things he said and didnt't realize) And I would end up looking down on myself and comparing and just freaking out over nothing. Its more about you than him in this situation. And seeing and realizing your enough and all he needs and he loves and is crazy about you. Don't worry about the girls around him, and if things are bugging you talk to him about it, but in a non condescending way. Just relax. Hope things go well with you two , best of wishes

**Engel** · October 21, 2011, 08:25 PM

Originally posted by Malaga View Post

I have to say I agree with this, the older I get the more I find it true. There's a lot of people here who'll say different, and more power to them, but personally I don't believe close friendships are possible without one person hoping for something else. I am glad my boyfriend doesn't have close female friends, and I have cut contact with my single male friends, because they're not my real friends, any one of them would get it on with me if I expressed interest. It's not fair to them and not fair to my boyfriend either.

I would also feel upset at the idea of another girl, especially one who obviously fancies him, staying in his room. It's not even about trust, it's just uncalled for. Some things you just do not do in a relationship, no matter how much you trust each other.

I agree specially with the bold part. Did i have male friends i never kissed or else? sure! would they do it given the apportunity? yes.

I think I own to my partner to respect him and have no close friendship with guys. casual talk, or talk when many people are around, yes, sure. but no one-on-one contact, I don't want unnecessary stress that can come from a guy friend taking further interest in me, so if we are in a group of friends I can still talk to them and laugh, but not on my own. I have my best gay friend for that!

we can even share the same bed that my SO doesnt worry, LOL (and neither should he worry!), so I get the male friendship without the bad things about it, plus he out-smarts any other guy I know, my BGF (best gay friend) is simply amazing! and i also get to go out to gay bars and discos with him (best music ever to dance to!), the best of both worlds! <3

I wouldn't feel confortable at all if my so had close friendships with girls, I would never really feel at ease, like they would be just waiting the right moment to try to advance

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