Stupid University

[DemonxOisin]

Miguel is now in second year engineering, and every day he is exhausted and stressed from staying up all night trying to keep up with his work load. He wants to live his life fully, and he´s trying to fit too many things into his schedule. He´s so busy! He loves the direction his life is taking, but right now, it´s killing him. I´m so worried about him o.o I can´t stand to see him so stressed out, ALL THE TIME! I wish there was something I could do to help him feel better, or even just give him a smile

Anyone else here in a relationship where your SO is killing themselves in university? And do any of you have any suggestions/advice on how to make their lives a little easier?

[Riyko]

Seeing first hand how busy engineering students are i understand where you are coming from it's really hard. The only thing i can say is just talk to him and maybe from time to time make him things and send them to him in his email so when he checks it and he's stressed it can help cheer him up. Otherwise just let him know that you are here for him and always willing to talk and cheer him up if he needs it.

[DemonxOisin]

Thanks Riyko I do try. It´s just frustrating sometimes when that´s all you can provide them with, is a momentary smile.

[Mara]

The situation with my SO is similar. Mostly, I just try to be supportive, understanding, and do anything I can to sort of cheer him up a bit when he gets down about how much work he has to do, etc etc. I love sending him packages out of the blue and random emails. I also like making him videos of myself. It's easier than us getting on skype or webcam because our schedules are different.

[DemonxOisin]

That´s a good idea! We never have time to skype any more, but he has moments in the day when I´m working or something, where he would appreciate that

[Sharon Q]

Send him some cute pics of whatever you think he would like, weather they be you or animals or something nature related
along with a message like : " Hey I know you've been busy lately but I just wanted to send you something to give you a smile and brighten your day "

Something like that may help a lot.

[CynicalQuixotic]

I feel your pain, girl! Actually, my SO and I are both in this situation--I'm in my last year of university and am writing 3 independent research papers and applying to grad school, and he is a 2nd year PhD student coding his fingers to the bone, so we're both super stressed out. Everyone has given great advice--packages and postcards, even from relatively ho-hum places, are great to get in the mail, and there's nothing better than someone to listen to you rant and send you funny/cute pictures when you're feeling overwhelmed by everything. I do completely understand the feeling of powerlessness, though--a few days ago a paper that JP contributed to didn't get published, and he's crushed because he's terrified that he'll complete his PhD without ever getting published, which is pretty much academic suicide He's so intelligent and works so hard and he deserved to have that paper published, and I can't do anything for him. But a whole lot of it has to do with department politics and petty stuff like that. Life is frustrating.

Gahh, I won't hijack your thread, but I'm in the trenches with you!

[ioanna]

i was in the same situaton for two years, but the other way around. i was the one swamped with studies.. it was very hard for both me and my SO, especially that we have a 10 h time difference and we both worked full time too... the little cheer up emails and video are a great thing, because it lets you access them when you can and they are a very special treat

the study route i chose was very hard, and even before we were LD i needed my SO's support to help me deal with it. it was very hard transitioning into being LD because i couldn't reach him when i needed most of the time, we only had a small slot for "live" communication. this made me appreciate so much more every little thing he did to cheer me up from a far. he sent me letters from time to time (and this is a huge thing coming from him <3) he would also take some breaks from work when his support was super crucial and would call me to tell me jokes and just be a shoulder for me to break down on.
i had my final project this summer, and he only visits once a year here. he made sure to come at the time where i needed his support the most, and stuck by me through the most stressfull part of my whole education.

now things are the other way around; he's the one juggling studies and a full time job, where as i only have my job. i try and make the best of the time we have together when we message each other. i send him emails out of the blue with things that i know he'll like, for instance a photo of a dessert i made that he loves, or somewhere i went etc.. and ofcourse, i always send him loads of pictures of kisses :$ this isn't something i used to do, but he loves it.
we also send eachother cards from e-cards which i personally like for it's selection of scenery pics.

on a side note, for having been in shoes similar to his, maybe he should be more selective for his schedule. sure, his studies come first, and you need a social life, and activities too; but maybe he could review his load to make it easier on himself. for example, i couldn't change the study load, it's a fixed program, so i stoped doing a few of the activities i did just so i could get sleep time. i also spent a lot less time with my friends. you need to find a balance that works for you, trying to find recreation and support in things and activities that don't drain your energy and help you relax. it's also important not to feel like you're "letting things go" or giving up on things, you can alternate between activities.

i'm sorry, i don't know if i made any sence, my head is still in sleep mode i hope it's helpful and i didn't ramble on too much

[ioanna]

--a few days ago a paper that JP contributed to didn't get published, and he's crushed because he's terrified that he'll complete his PhD without ever getting published, which is pretty much academic suicide

i'm sorry your SO is going through this, it is actually very hard he should try and focus on the process, and his thesis regardless of the outcome, even if it's a hard thing to do...


PS: our SOs have the same initials one chance in four they have the same name i could only come up with four

[CynicalQuixotic]

i'm sorry your SO is going through this, it is actually very hard he should try and focus on the process, and his thesis regardless of the outcome, even if it's a hard thing to do...


PS: our SOs have the same initials one chance in four they have the same name i could only come up with four

I keep telling him that he has time left to get published and that there will be more papers, but he puts so much pressure on himself and I think a lot of what I say on that matter goes in one ear and out the other. I wish he would cut himself a tiny bit of slack, he truly is one of the most dedicated, hard-working, and intelligent people I know.

That's so funny about the initials, though! My SO has a very, very French double-barreled first name, so, maybe? Anything's possible!

[ioanna]

He sounds just like me! i only graduated because my professor kindly reminded me that this was only a university project not a real life one and i should just STOP

very very french you say, so it's either Jean-Pierre or Jean-Philippe. Jean-Paul and Jean-Pascal are only very french LOL!

[nicole]

My SO is an Engineer so he is regularly stressed out, I was a final year Biology student till June this year, so I can see both sides of the coin here. I don't know if you're able to do this, but when I was studying, and looking up papers for my dissertation, I just used to leave skype on with my SO. We didn't talk, but I could just look up from my work every so often, and just seeing him there made me feel less stressed. we do the same now when he has to bring work home, he works, and I sit and read or surf the internet on the other end; he says it really makes a difference.

[ioanna]

Nicole that's such a great idea! it would have made a huge difference for us if we could do this

[Joyce:)]

My boyfriend is doing his second year of mechanical engineering, and he's super busy too, so i totally get it. just remember that getting to talk to you will already be refreshing for your SO. write him letters to remind him you care about him, it will brighten his day to be reminded that, especially when he is stressed.
and other than that, i don't really know what to say, if not i'm sorry you have to see him so stressed, you're not alone. <3

[blankita719]

My SO & I are no longer in school, but I can relate as to how much he works. I work a lot but I have a young child at home so I try and make it home every night in time to get dinner in and some time with him before bed. His son is older and so he ends up staying later at work. He's in management so every day he is stressed out about something - his employees, the sales #'s, his bosses, corporate expectations, etc...Since he works in retail, this time of year is his absolute busiest and he will work open to close every day and be so tired he can barely talk at all. It gets very frustrating, but I have to take a step back and remember it isn't that he doesn't want to spend time with me - his schedule is just not allowing it right now. And because I can allow him the time he needs to focus on work and his stuff, it helps him feel a little less stress over not being available for me as much as we would like.

This time of year, I basically resign myself to communication via text mostly - but he does make a great effort to hop on Skype at least once a week for the face time