Almost two weeks in and wondering if this is really what I want.

[Urae]

I never made a proper introduction post, but my name is Paige. I've been in a LDR since the 11th of this month, and I'm having doubts as to whether this is what I really want.

I'm 18. My girlfriend, L, is 21. We live about 660 miles apart. I "met" her when I joined the same guild as one of my best friends in World of Warcraft, though I had previous knowledge of L; she (L) and my friend had dated LD for a few years.

We first hit it off as good friends and became very close, and then after a while of regular communication, she told me that she had a crush on me. I liked her too but I was initially reluctant, because I wasn't sure it was appropriate to date one of my best friend's exes; it could get awkward, you know? But after thinking about it for a little while (and by that, I mean a whole night), I said yes to her dating proposition.

I was so happy; here's this amazing girl who I like, who actually likes me, too! And she wants to date me! How fantastic, right? Except I don't think I gave enough thought to what it would be like to actually be in a LDR, and I'm actually having doubts about my feelings for her. I'm kind of starting to regret saying "yes."

I'll definitely acknowledge that I'm young and inexperienced (L is my first S.O.!). I'm probably emotionally immature, too. And I'm scared out of my mind. I haven't told my parents about her yet, and I don't know what their reactions will be.

I have a lot of fears about this relationship. I have fears about when I go to visit her, whenever that may be, as I've never traveled by myself and I know I'm going to feel uncomfortable staying at her house. I have fears about the obstacles in our way, and I wonder if I really like her enough to want to tackle those challenges. I have fears about my family's reaction to me dating someone who lives so far away, and who I've never actually met in person. I'm also scared that I'm not really emotionally ready to commit myself to anyone. I almost feel too young to be doing this.

All this fear is making me wonder if this is really worth it, or if I should just break things off. I would hate to hurt L, because she is such a sweet and amazing person. She also suffers from depression and severe low self-esteem; the other night, she asked me what I would think if she said she loved me, and I told her I thought she'd be really rushing things. She felt humiliated that she'd said something so "stupid" and broke down crying. I'm scared of how she'll react if I do end up breaking up with her.

I know I'm the only one who can decide whether I should break up with her or not, because I'm the only one who knows what's best for me, but some advice would be much appreciated. What do you think of this situation?

[beckychan]

Everyone in an LDR faces similar fears and challenges that you do.

If you want to be in an LDR it depends on what sacrifices you're willing to make. Some of us have to make more than others, and some of us less. If you really like her, I would give the relationship time. You don't have to tell everyone,like your family and friends, that you're dating someone from somewhere else. You don't even have to worry about seeing her yet. If you're not ready, you're not ready.

If you don't like her, and are worried about how she will react, you can't always help that. You shouldn't force yourself to be in something you're not comfortable with. I suggest if you DO want to break it off, reassure her as much as you can that it's really not about her, but more about how you feel and about your worries.

My boyfriend is 5 years younger than me, and we have been 'official' for 6 months and I sometimes worry that he's too young also, and that since our future is EXTREMELY UNCERTAIN that it would be better for us to end it. But we make things work, because we love each other and we're willing to do just about anything to make us happy.

[Malaga]

Wait, so you're dating a girl your best friend was with for a few years? How does you friend feel about this?

Any relationship is full of challenges, but particularly a long distance one. She may be amazing and everything, but if you don't feel in love with her, then these challenges will be too difficult to handle. Honestly, if you don't feel in love with someone, then *any* relationship with that person, CD or LD, would be difficult to handle.

It also seems like she's rushing things and that is understandably scary. Some people fall in love instantly, some people take time. But deep down you know if this is it or not. Stop worrying about what anyone else might think and what should be 'right', just be honest with yourself. Then you'll know - do you feel this is worth it or not?

If you feel like breaking up with her you should do it as soon as possible, before she develops deeper feelings. I understand you don't want to hurt her but the longer you wait, the more painful it's going to be for her.

Good luck! x

[Laura_N]

I'm the same age with you and I went to an LDR without knowing anything about long distance relationships - or relationships on that matter, because I honestly don't have that much experience from them. So far so good though, and despite the issues we have had, I think we have managed to handle things quite well. There comes bad times and good times and we've certainly had them both.

We have took it very slow - if you feel like she is rushing things, tell her gently, and say that you are not ready to move on so quickly. That you like her, but you're a bit scared.

Our first meeting wasn't long, because I was on a holiday with my friend in the country she lives in. It felt like a secure way. I didn't have to stay with her in case we wouldn't click, but I was able to spend half a day with her. I wish we could have had more time together, but if it just is an option to see all briefly for the first time, I'd suggest that.

When it comes to parents... I was scared of my mother's opinion too. I told her after I had met my girlfriend for the first time. She took it quite well, to be honest, and I'm glad.

Don't worry too much, go with what you think is for the best. I'm always scared of hurting others but I tell you, it's no good keeping things inside you even if you're scared of hurting someone else. You need to do what is good for you. If you decide to break up, do it nicely... She will get over it over time, if that's what you decide. But good luck and think about things thoroughly!