Being together in public?

[Rosebud]

Alright, so I work retail and in a single shift I will encounter a lot of couples. A LOT of couples to old married folks to newly dating, to newly wed to sick of each other and bickering and pretty much everything in between. A majority of the time the couples are very, how shall I say, natural around one another. But every so often that one couple will show up where something feels...off. And it's not lack of affection either. It seems there is this uncomfortable air around them, as if they're not entirely sure they know what they're doing yet.

I often feel like (and mostly certainly noticed it especially during my recent trip) this is the case with my boyfriend and me. I don't know if it's because we haven't physically spent much time together yet, or if it's because we're each other first long-term partners or what, but after awhile I start to feel extremely self conscious when out with him in public-as though people are staring because there is this sense of awkwardness about us. He seems much more comfortable around me, placing his arm around my shoulder or waist, etc. but I can not yet bring myself to do the same (only once did I walk with my arm around his waist and this was mostly out of necessity as I was close to fainting at that time and needed him for support). I can't quite pinpoint why this is however and it's really beginning to bother me.

Any advice or perhaps some others have felt the same and was able to overcome it?

[blankita719]

Not everyone is a PDA type of person, which would include just holding hands or putting an arm around each other. Nothing wrong with that at all. Are you comfortable physically with him when you are alone; i.e holding hands? If so, then I wouldn't stress myself out over it. You're just a very private person and you don't want to put on a show for others.

I was like that with my ex in the beginning, but I was pretty young and inexperienced in relationships so I wasn't comfortable with being so open about our relationship. Given more time in close proximity, you might grow to be more comfortable with some outward physical affections. Or even just feeling natural around one another. My SO & I are pretty natural around each other but we've known each other for 15 years

[Mara]

I would wager a guess if the two of you haven't spent much time together physically that may be some of the reason. I know at the beginning of relationships, I always felt sort of nervous, self conscious, and out of place when I go places with the guy I'm dating on dates. It hasn't really become 'normal' yet. I think it was the same with my current SO. The first time we went on a date I just felt sort of awkward about everything even though we had been talking and knowing each other for a while. I think it went away after we'd spent more time each other's company and got more comfortable with each other, but it's hard to say how long that took or why exactly it did.

[Shadowbear]

Honey, are you comfortable with the way he looks? I know this could open a can of worms but Its essential to ask. There are several reasons why you might be umcomfortable with PDA.. It could be that you dont find him as attractive as you thought , or that you just dont like PDA.. OR things are still so new that its HIM that you arent comfortable around.

[MadMolly]

Rosebud I am EXACTLY the same! I think it's because I was in his town and I was petrified we'd bump into an ex or something and it'd be awkward for him, but he never had that worry and was very affectionate with me. I also felt like I wasn't good looking enough to be seen with him as a "couple" hahaha I got so self concious people would think "how did SHE end up with someone as good looking as him?!" I don't know if I am just being irrational but yeah I definitely had that feeling and it bothered me.

Hopefully next time I will be more comfortable because I did love it when he had his arm around me. Sigh.

[Jgui]

not everyone likes PDA and surly everyone shows their affection for their SO differently. Just as you mentioned, it could be because you both haven't really spent much time together psychically to get you comfortable around him.

[Zapookie]

How much time did you guys spend together? I think you just have to spend more time together and you'll feel yourself get more comfortable as time goes by. When my SO was here, I was very anti-PDA because I didn't want the people around me to feel weird. I eventually started to realise that I need to make the most of the time that he has here because I won't get the chance to do this after he leaves. So we started off just holding hands (then we held hands 24/7) and kissing on the street and stuff (just quick pecks). It took me time to get used to it and I told him as well so he knew how I felt. We had 3 months together though for our first visit, which is probably a lot longer time than most LDR couples have to get used to each other.

[Engel]

Rosebud I am EXACTLY the same! I think it's because I was in his town and I was petrified we'd bump into an ex or something and it'd be awkward for him, but he never had that worry and was very affectionate with me. I also felt like I wasn't good looking enough to be seen with him as a "couple" hahaha I got so self concious people would think "how did SHE end up with someone as good looking as him?!" I don't know if I am just being irrational but yeah I definitely had that feeling and it bothered me.

Hopefully next time I will be more comfortable because I did love it when he had his arm around me. Sigh.

ok, now i have to make a comment, i dont judge people for their appearances, and have dated guys that were far from the standard beautiful guy, and never cared because i give more importance to the personality.

but when i saw a picture of you and your so, i remember thinking you were by far the most good looking of the couple, so dont put yourself down. and im not here saying your so is not good looking or anything, is just it caught my attention how you were the most beautiful (in my opinion) one of the couple, just thought i might share that. (and please dont misunderstand me and see a bad side on this comment, lol, it isnt supposed to have a bad side on what i said), you are a beautiful couple and you are beautiful, so im sure noone thought he was too good for you

---------- Post added at 06:14 AM ---------- Previous post was at 06:14 AM ----------

Rosebud I am EXACTLY the same! I think it's because I was in his town and I was petrified we'd bump into an ex or something and it'd be awkward for him, but he never had that worry and was very affectionate with me. I also felt like I wasn't good looking enough to be seen with him as a "couple" hahaha I got so self concious people would think "how did SHE end up with someone as good looking as him?!" I don't know if I am just being irrational but yeah I definitely had that feeling and it bothered me.

Hopefully next time I will be more comfortable because I did love it when he had his arm around me. Sigh.

ok, now i have to make a comment, i dont judge people for their appearances, and have dated guys that were far from the standard beautiful guy, and never cared because i give more importance to the personality.

but when i saw a picture of you and your so, i remember thinking you were by far the most good looking of the couple, so dont put yourself down. and im not here saying your so is not good looking or anything, is just it caught my attention how you were the most beautiful (in my opinion) one of the couple, just thought i might share that. (and please dont misunderstand me and see a bad side on this comment, lol, it isnt supposed to have a bad side on what i said), you are a beautiful couple and you are beautiful, so im sure noone thought he was too good for you

[OvertheSea]

When my SO and I started getting together, we were in a large group that we're been living with for a few weeks already. I was definitely uncomfortable with PDA, and still am (don't mind holding hands or a quick kiss now though!), but he's a gentleman and would ask before doing anything to make sure it was ok. Eventually I gave up worrying what other people would think about us being together, and it was all good!

[Rosebud]

Honey, are you comfortable with the way he looks? I know this could open a can of worms but Its essential to ask. There are several reasons why you might be umcomfortable with PDA.. It could be that you dont find him as attractive as you thought , or that you just dont like PDA.. OR things are still so new that its HIM that you arent comfortable around.

Of course I am, it has nothing to do with how cute I think he is. Granted I do think he's cuter without his glasses (which is odd as I usually find about 99% of folks like better WITH glasses), but he knows them and will slip them off when he's teasing me, but I realize he needs them to see so it's not like when he slips them on I suddenly think him geeky. I am glad blankita asked since when we are in private, or just tucked a little out of public eye like sitting together at a restaurant, I don't feel like quite so apprehensive and I'm perfectly find snuggling close to him without problem.

To answer those who asked, this last week was our third time visiting one another. Our first visit was three days long and needless to say there was practically no touching whatsoever, barely even holding hands. Our second visit was a week long and that went over a bit better and I think since then he's been much more affectionate toward me. This third visit, yes, I can tell he's much calmer around me but I...I have always been nervous about being touched too closely, I don't think it is him in particular as I just don't feel that I am attractive enough to be held and touched in such a way (and I'm speaking PDA here, not intimately). I am glad others have felt the same and do understand how unsettling this experience feels. I just have this nervous feeling inside me that strangers thing we're a couple of dorks or whathaveyou and I'm quite defensive in that aspect so it sets me on edge.

[MadMolly]

ok, now i have to make a comment, i dont judge people for their appearances, and have dated guys that were far from the standard beautiful guy, and never cared because i give more importance to the personality.

but when i saw a picture of you and your so, i remember thinking you were by far the most good looking of the couple, so dont put yourself down. and im not here saying your so is not good looking or anything, is just it caught my attention how you were the most beautiful (in my opinion) one of the couple, just thought i might share that. (and please dont misunderstand me and see a bad side on this comment, lol, it isnt supposed to have a bad side on what i said), you are a beautiful couple and you are beautiful, so im sure noone thought he was too good for you

---------- Post added at 06:14 AM ---------- Previous post was at 06:14 AM ----------

haha well thank you... but this is more a psychological thing I guess, just not feeling attractive enough to receive that sort of attention, like Rosebud said above! which is weird because otherwise I have no self confidence issues, only when I am next to him! but yeah. I really hope I stop feeling so nervous the next time we meet. I totally empathise with you Rosebud. Whenever he held my hand I got this crushing anxiety that people were staring and judging and it was horrible!

[Sharon Q]

It seems to me its more nerves than anything, with not having spent much physical time together its normal to feel a little self consious about being out in public with him. I'm sure with time it will fade and things will become normal for you to be around him. Just give it time.

I know being around other couples is hard but just grin and bear it for now.

[NaNi]

Thankfully, my SO and I don't have that problem. We're totally natural around each other. We love holding hands or putting our arms around each other. But even during our first visit where we didn't do any of that (because my SO still had troubles "coming out") her family and friends got some kind of vibe from us. Even though we didn't do anything. We really liked hearing that.

[Melanie92]

at first i felt a little awkward being in public because i am a few inches taller than my boyfriend, but once we were in public all the time together nd that i knew he didnt mind i was taller i felt comfortable and didnt care if people stared. I love being in public with him holding his hand, his hand around my waist and just being with him. I love that he doesnt care that i am taller than him because i know alot of guys want to be the taller one but he doesnt care at all that i am taller which i love about him. I now see a lot of other women taller than their man and it just makes me feel good.