Concerns?

[Panda12/19/09]

Idk about you guys, but I've been having this problem lately. Whenever I meet a new guy and talk to them, I always feel like I like them, when I know I don't, I know I want Shaheen (who I'm in a ldr with) I'm going to see him in May again and I'm excited yet scared at the same time. In December when we first met, I didn't feel like I loved him as much as I do over the phone and I was also really nervous around him.

Questions:

1. Has anyone else had the feeling like they like someone, but know they love there gf/bf? Please don't tell me, oh well maybe you don't want him. I KNOW I WANT HIM. I just want to know if it's because I'm lonely without him.

2. Did anyone else feel really nervous and scared and worried when they first met there ld gf/bf? Was it just because it was the first time? I mean I can be the only one, can I?

[Panda12/19/09]

well alright then :P

[Caitlin2009]

1. Has anyone else had the feeling like they like someone, but know they love there gf/bf? Please don't tell me, oh well maybe you don't want him. I KNOW I WANT HIM. I just want to know if it's because I'm lonely without him. Yeah i look at a guy or girl and think oooo there hot or very good looking, its alright to look you maybe taken but it doesnt mean your blind to the fact that the person is good looking!

2. Did anyone else feel really nervous and scared and worried when they first met there ld gf/bf? Was it just because it was the first time? I mean I can be the only one, can I? honey i havent met her yet in person but i am nervous excited about it, your not alone with that

[Zephii]

Personally, when I'm in love, I don't notice other people. The hormone or instinct that makes me search for a partner switches off and I see people more plainly. Sometimes I can tell that another person and I could possibly work out alright if the opportunity was there, but there is just no desire to follow through or any of that.

I was really worried, scared and nurvous, yes. It was the first time I'd ever flown, first time in another country, I had no money to get home if things turned pearshapped and I was there for nearly two months. At first I felt a bit like I was cheating on my internet boyfriend because it took a while for my brain to realise they were the same person It took a little over 12 hours before I was completely comfortable with him, and knew that I loved him more than anything. But I think it might depend how long you knew each other before meeting too.

[shananana]

Personally, when I'm in love, I don't notice other people. The hormone or instinct that makes me search for a partner switches off and I see people more plainly. Sometimes I can tell that another person and I could possibly work out alright if the opportunity was there, but there is just no desire to follow through or any of that.

I feel the same way! I have no desire for anyone else because I KNOW that Philip is the only one for me, so I have no interest for any other guy.

I was definitely worried & nervous, but excited as well. I think ALL LDR couples are, that's just natural.

[JoMarie]

I can joke around and say a guy is cute but I never feel anything for them, I know that I have everything I need and want so I just keep on trucking along through this LDR. Luckily for me I can see the ending to my Distance.

[Caitlin2009]

I dont have any feelings for people that i find good looking, its just the normal "ooo cute" type of thing and then i go on with whatever im doing and think about my girl while im doing it your always gonna think other people are cute but your not gonna do anything about it unless your single.

[folclor]

For me being in love means I don't see other options. I'll admit that someone else is good looking (my mom likes to point out guys and say, "Don't you think he's cute?" if I think the guy is, I'll say so) but I don't really develop crushes on other guys. I did that in my past three relationships but that was only because my exs weren't exactly the kindest of people to me, so I would look at other people, actually is how my feelings for my current boyfriend started. I was dating a guy who was extremely neglectful and Alex was with me every single night through that and I developed feelings for him instead of my absent boyfriend. I'm not entirely sure loneliness is a factor, though, as I get extremely lonely but still only want Alex. Maybe it's just the situation, though.

As far as being nervous... I haven't met Alex yet, that'll happen May 29th, but I'm nervous as all get out. I'm excited, too, of course, but this will be the first time I'm physically with a man I'm in love with and will probably be my first kiss, cuddle, etc, so I'm very nervous though he says I shouldn't worry.

[Veiled_Dreamer]

I used to be quite depressed, because I didn't feel wanted (still don't, sometimes), and I thought the only way out of it was to find a boyfriend. So it became a habit for me to put my logical side to work and basically calculate the chances that I could get X guy that I met to like me. Now that I'm not depressed and I'm with my SO, for a split second after I first meet a new guy I start running the odds. Then I realize that yes, he's cute, yes, he seems nice, but his physical attractiveness pales in comparison to what I feel for my SO, his niceness can never compare to the times my SO has been there for me. Whereas before I would pursue the man if I thought he "qualified", now I just let it be. I'll admit I was kind of desperate, for anything, during my depression, not to mention a loner, so it's sort of strange sometimes for me to have good guy friends again that I don't feel anything for. You just have to process that it's friendship. In my opinion, you can have an honest desire to pursue a friendship with someone and have no feelings for them, whether they're of the opposite sex (or same sex, depending on your sexuality) or not. Personally I am very touchy-feely on top of that, but I tell my SO that I hug, etc other guys and he says he has no problem with it. I'm not kissing them or making out: it's just how I express my friendship. If it made him uncomfortable, I would quit.

Bottom line, be honest with your SO. I'm not accusing you of course, but if something like hand holding, going out someplace and it's suspiciously like a date (even though I highly doubt you would blatantly go to the movies and acknowledge it was a date or anything XD), or things like that, tell your SO! When you hide things from him about other guys, then it starts to be a problem. Also, consider how you would feel before you do anything that could be considered as "flirting." How would you react if you found out he was doing that with another girl? I feel like I've turned this into an anti-cheating seminar. >.> I know that's not what you're asking, but I'm trying to draw a line between "ooh, he's cute" and "I'm really tempted to cheat." And if you are tempted to cheat? Remove yourself from the temptationnn. (P.S.: One of my best friends had a boyfriend, but she talked to another guy as friends. They became close, and he developed a crush on her since he thought something was wrong with her and her bf. He even kissed her! She said that perhaps she "liked" him a little, but she was very in love with her boyfriend, and could never dream of pursuing it. She told her boyfriend he had tried to kiss her (I mean, I guess that would be a shock... your good friend who knows you have a boyfriend makes a move =P) and they worked things out and established some border lines. So I guess it's maybe possible to have a crush that you couldn't think of going after.)

Yes and no. I think I'm anxious more than nervous, because I just want to be with him already. >.<

[Panda12/19/09]

haha, trust my I know Shaheen is the guy I want. I just sometimes feel like he doesn't want me that much and I feel like I'm not good enough sometimes. I'm oober excited about going in May, I mean I know I love him in person, I'm just super shy, so I think it'll take time to get used to him. And NO I've never had the temptation to cheat.

[agentholli]

This is my sotry:

I have ALWAYS looked at men/boys/guys whatever and noticed how hot, cute they were. I did this since forever. I did it when I was married..9 years..and then after, I did it when in my other relationships since my marriage ended. I don't do anything with the feeling that they are cute or whatever, I just noticed them. There is a little game I play with my nieces and when we see someone we think is less good looking, we give them to someone else, we say...He is on your team. If we like them, think they are cute, we say He is on MY team...we use to do this all the time.

Since I met Mark...I have not noticed anyone else. I no longer play the team game. The only person I want on my team is Mark. So now Mark and I joke about it, cause I told him, and he will say, am I still on your team? My point is, that when I am truely in love, I don't notice other people. Mark is HOT/gorgeous/cute/pretty/handsome to me.

I haven't met him yet, but i am super nervous to do so! I keep joking that i will pick him up from the airport and not speak and when we get to my house, i will go upstairs and he will be downstairs and i will call him..LOL

[Alisz]

1. Has anyone else had the feeling like they like someone, but know they love there gf/bf? Please don't tell me, oh well maybe you don't want him. I KNOW I WANT HIM. I just want to know if it's because I'm lonely without him.
I think I understand what you mean. I love Ray more than anything and he is completely gorgeous. ^^ I haven't noticed many guys lately because I'm not looking. I have no reason to. :/ But I had a little crush on Scott Moir XD I told Ray about it and realized it was only because when I saw him on tv he reminded me so much of Ray. In a way, it was loneliness. Ray's been pretty busy at work these last few months, so we haven't been video chatting so much and he hasn't had the time to take many pictures. So, seeing Scott Moir was kinda like seeing Ray in a strange sorta way. Now he teases me about it lol We trust each other and there is no problems with communicating about how we feel about each other, so we squish out any insecurities about that. It just turns into something we joke about ^^ Altho, it helps that he's not really the jealous type. If he told me that I'd be bummed out... but that's how I am ^^;; Especially if he had a crush on Scott Moir :P

2. Did anyone else feel really nervous and scared and worried when they first met there ld gf/bf? Was it just because it was the first time? I mean I can be the only one, can I?
We haven't met yet, but we're working on it. We've run into some problems that are out of our control. *shakes fist at Murphy's Law* We're trying very hard to make it this summer. I'm pretty excited, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't nervous too. I'm confident that we'll get along and that our LDR relationship will translate well closer together. He is too. We're pretty candid together online and there is very little we don't know about each other. But I know the day of and on my way to the airport I'll be so nervous XD I have a fear that he'll walk right by me and not see me. ^^;; He's told me that won't happen, but that is actually my biggest worry, as silly as it is. XD So, no, you're not the only one with those feelings.

[xsomanymilesx]

i dont really look at anyone else like zephii said; but then again i'm not blind to people being attractive like caitlin said... yes i do believe it is because you are lonely without him.

and ive not met my boyfriend in person yet, but yes, i do feel scared and worried and very nervous sometimes. mostly nervous, excited nerves about meeting him, being scared and worried are negitive feelings but the positive outweighs the negitive by far

[ValadinShadow]

I understand the feelings of him not wanting you that much, and that you arn't good enough. Welcome to my life.... I had it a little different in that my BF and I met in person and dated for almost 3 years before it became an LDR. But I still sometimes get worried that I'm not enough, and that our relationship isn't important to him. Thankfully he knows me well enough to poke me until I admit it, and then he tells me I'm being silly. I have never been tempted to cheat with anyone, but I do have "eye candy" as I call it. In fact, it is a game that my SO and I play sometimes. We will be watching a movie together, or driving down the street, and we'll talk about the people we see, and trade comments about how hot they are. Or not... Yeah, I know, shallow. But both myself and my SO have had close friends of the opposite sex who, it could be said, we had "crushes" on. I think it has to do with the distance. Both he and I are very touch oriented, he with everyone, and me with him. So the things I miss the most are things like holding hands, or hugs. Especially hugs. SO I think that I "like" people because I miss him being there to hold my hand and hug me. But when I am with him, or when I was at school, or gone for the summer, something shorter term, I never had those thoughts at all. I find that seven months is about my limit.
Oh, and incidentally, I STILL get nervous about seeing him....I am going over there in five days (horray!) and I am already getting butterflies. Will he still find me attractive, will he be happy to see me, just plain old nerves.... I don't know why that is, and I'm pretty sure that isn't normal, so I would say don't worry, the nerves will pass.

[Panda12/19/09]

thanks so much guys, you really helped