Let's Talk About Red Flags

[CynicalQuixotic]

Cams? Sorry gals and guys - I don't get the pleasure of seeing him like that.. but that IS my relationship.. and I UNDERSTAND it as he is always on camera and under media scrutiny.. We have to fight to make time for each other and we do this regularly.. any LDR has to have TRUST.. without it.. and honestly any relationship.. without TRUST it is screwed - forgive my bluntness..

Well, most of us are dating normal mortals, not fabulously famous...well, I don't even know what your SO does, you've never really elaborated. Also, though your use of EMPHATIC CAPITALS is quite striking, the condescension really isn't necessary.

[Minerva]

I dunno. My SO and I never cam'd before we met. The very first time we met was the very first time I heard his voice or saw his face other than a photo. But we were just friends at that point, we had a ton of people in common as friends, and we moved in the same social circles, so I knew he was who he said he was.

I don't know if I'd enter into a relationship without having cam'd or met someone before. But I do know I became best friends with my SO and trusted him enough to meet up thousands of miles away from my home, so it isn't a huge leap.

That said, an outright refusal to cam when asked could be a red flag to me, especially if I didn't have proof of who he is, or if he was telling me the truth about everything.

Like most things that could be red flags, it depends on the situation and the people involved.

[Sierra]

Becky, I'm the same way. I hate to say it but I keep track of pretty much everything everyone tells me to see if they are lying. In the beginning some of his stories didn't add up quite right so I immediately called him out on it and he said they were little white lies to try to impress me (like that he walked to a stadium from his house when I had the address and saw it was 10 miles -- he exaggerated, it was from his best friends house) ... so I let it go and it's never happened again.

[Fyrestar]

/gone

[CynicalQuixotic]

^I hate to be snarky, and I'm so, so sorry, but I really can't resist this.

I've never seen such flagrant abuse of ellipses in my life. It kind of makes me imagine that you talk like William Shatner.

Carry on.

[beckychan]

Becky, I'm the same way. I hate to say it but I keep track of pretty much everything everyone tells me to see if they are lying. In the beginning some of his stories didn't add up quite right so I immediately called him out on it and he said they were little white lies to try to impress me (like that he walked to a stadium from his house when I had the address and saw it was 10 miles -- he exaggerated, it was from his best friends house) ... so I let it go and it's never happened again.

Exactly. I don't like being taken for stupid. And I hate looking like a fool when I find out. I'm lucky my bf has never done that to me, we're really good about being honest. But in one of my previous relationships, which was semi CD (we went to different highschools, and lived about 30 mins away), he lied to me about everything and I ALWAYS caught him... it made me question his integrity, and ultimately I had to end it.

[Fyrestar]

/gone

[Sierra]

I don't care if you are a grammar nazi.. and you are snarky but hell we are all individuals and that is what is makes us unqiue.. and I tend to over use them but snarky are not we aren't all model humans.. some of us deal with tons of mental issues.. so .. gtfoi. that's get the f' over it.. if you didn't quite comprehend dearheart.. I write well.. my poetry is utterly well recieved and I expect I'll be published soon.. I paint.. but degrees? BA and CIS.. stupid.. no.. far from it.. but let's not play who's the bigger bitch here eh? you have the time on these forums.. but that's the point they are forums.. and they are open to public opinion.. and your opinion is just as valid and I've said as much.. and do they bother you .... really? lmao.. I can be quite annoying but sorry.. my train of thought skips around allot. I end up going back and editing if I knows it bothers someone. If I give a crap. SO- I will try to do so to not annoy you so. But I never said ANYONE's opinion isn't valid- and go figure hit grammar when truth hits home, eh babe?!

Seriously? What is with this post?
Not sure why you're trolling.

[Fyrestar]

ok. so my opinion is trolling.. picking on grammer isn't.. i get it.. forget it doll.. I can drop off site a bit. but i have valid ideas.. and MY relationship works. beautifully, even with all of the difficulties.

I guess the real point is who is trolling who?.. she was being snarky.. and admitted it..my comeback? a pain.. fine.. let me go through.. give me 5 and I'll delete all my posts.. including the ones with new ideas..

[Sierra]

ok. so my opinion is trolling.. picking on grammer isn't.. i get it.. forget it doll.. I can drop off site a bit. but i have valid ideas.. and MY relationship works. beautifully, even with all of the difficulties.

I guess the real point is who is trolling who?.. she was being snarky.. and admitted it..my comeback? a pain.. fine.. let me go through.. give me 5 and I'll delete all my posts.. including the ones with new ideas..

I have no idea what you're talking about other than in your original you were really aggressive about webcams and I had no idea why. Now you have a very argumentative post and horrible attitude in a thread where nobody is being attacked. The one thing I like the most about this forum is that there aren't personal attacks on other people and everyone is polite, kind and respectful.

Nobody attacked your relationship, mine is working wonderfully too, what's the problem here? I really just don't understand why you're being so rude. Can we place stay on topic here?

[CynicalQuixotic]

^Well, to be fair, my reply was not the most mature, but I hardly think it warrants deleting all of your posts...

[Fyrestar]

I was staying on topic. Red flags are unique to the relationship-which was pretty much said at the start- I was only reenforcing that - because each relationship is unique- honestly. Who's attacking who here-really? Don't worry dear.. I'm not going to contribute or post anymore.. your forums. Enjoy. When you surround yourself with like minded people - what happens? as a BA you get a skewed view on things- difference of opinions should be welcomed- not trashed. Everyone has a different relationship. I felt welcomed at first but because I have a difference of opinion and even go as so far to explain it when asked- I'm critisized on grammer? What does that say? How welcome are people here? My experience- as everyone's- invaluable. My ideas- utterly creative- because I have a SO that can buy any damn thing he wants- so my own ideas are usually personal- and thrifty- as I cannot. But I will say this much- with time in wow etc- really? just really? amazes me how people tend to be so heartless and rude behind a monitor. I actually loved these forums.. and was asking my SO to sign up under a psuedo.. but.. now? no. F' that. It's like anything only- people are brave and heartless behind a monitor- can't think beyond their own situation- God help you if you hit something face to face. But don't worry.. I may blog.. but these forums.. f'd that.

[Mara]

I was staying on topic. Red flags are unique to the relationship-which was pretty much said at the start- I was only reenforcing that - because each relationship is unique- honestly. Who's attacking who here-really? Don't worry dear.. I'm not going to contribute or post anymore.. your forums. Enjoy. When you surround yourself with like minded people - what happens? as a BA you get a skewed view on things- difference of opinions should be welcomed- not trashed. Everyone has a different relationship. I felt welcomed at first but because I have a difference of opinion and even go as so far to explain it when asked- I'm critisized on grammer? What does that say? How welcome are people here? My experience- as everyone's- invaluable. My ideas- utterly creative- because I have a SO that can buy any damn thing he wants- so my own ideas are usually personal- and thrifty- as I cannot. But I will say this much- with time in wow etc- really? just really? amazes me how people tend to be so heartless and rude behind a monitor. I actually loved these forums.. and was asking my SO to sign up under a psuedo.. but.. now? no. F' that. It's like anything only- people are brave and heartless behind a monitor- can't think beyond their own situation- God help you if you hit something face to face. But don't worry.. I may blog.. but these forums.. f'd that.

I'm sorry if anything said upset you, but there's no reason to let people who don't even know you get to you like that. If you feel that anyone here says anything offensive to you or rude, just click the report button. No point in arguing.

I'm sorry Sierra to derail this thread even more.

[Sierra]

It's fine to be honest I have no idea what's going on.