I can't believe it... He cheated?!?!

[Sharon Q]

I would have a very difficult time forgiving him, seeing as shortly after my SO moved we had a conversation about cheating and he told me he would never cheat on me, and if he ever felt the need to that we would talk to me about it first. and vise versa.
Trust is such a fragile thing, Its like glass once you drop it and it breaks, even if you manage to find all the shards and glue them back together, it still just isnt the same.

[heylittlekrissy]

I personally am very against cheating, and cheaters. From listening to personal stories of those who are close to me, cheating seems to be a re-occurrence. Once it happens, it seems to keep happening. But when you care about someone so much, even when they do something to hurt you so bad, I can only imagine how hard it must be for you, to be in this situation. Take your time to come to a decision on this, weigh your options. I do hope that if you decide to stay with him, that it doesn't happen again. But I'm really sorry to hear that you have to go through all this, and I wish you the best with whatever decision you make. And if you need o talk, please feel free to message me anytime *hugs*

[Kerry]

I'm sorry sorry this happened to you hun! IMO, if someone cheats on their partner then they don't really want to be with that person (especially if they've agreed to a monogamous relationship). cheating is something that personally I could never forgive but you might be different. I do think it's good that you're giving yourself some time and space to think things out. if, after everything, you decide to stay with your bf, make sure you both get tested and always have him wear a condom.

[Rugger]

I'm so sorry sweetie. *hug*. The only person who can make the choice is you. No what what we all think here you are going to have to be the one that lives with it. I am not of the opinion that " Once a Cheater, Always a cheater". Some people can and do change, but not most. You cannot build a relationship on distrust. Building a relationship is like building a house. The first year of a relationship is like building the foundation of a house, something for the rest of it to stand on. If something goes wrong with the foundation, the whole house will be shaky, whereas if something goes wrong later on, you can patch and rebuild. I'm not saying ALL cheating in the first year will ruin the entire relationship, but it builds what you expect.

My parents marriage was almost broken up by cheating recently. They've been married for 25 years. They decided rather than demolish the whole house they've built, to call in an expert and help them patch the hole. Cheaters CAN change, but only if they want to.

[NaNi]

There's never an excuse for cheating. If somebody really loves you they don't cheat on you. No matter how much they missed you or how much alcohol they had. He didn't even try to stop her. What a nice guy he is, huh? I'd leave him.

[Malaga]

*hugs*

Cheaters can change, just not with the person they cheated on, IMO.

It's important that you do what you feel is right regardless of what anyone else thinks. But if I were you, I'd call it quits and not look back. Don't compromise on what is important to you. Some boundaries should not be crossed. If he can get away with it, then he will never take those boundaries seriously.

I hope you find a peace of mind as soon as possible.

xx

[WakeUpSusie]

If I was you, I'd be singing "Picture to Burn" by Taylor Swift!

Word. I don't think I would even try to salvage such a young relationship because of cheating. It's simply not worth the heartache.

[kiara_silver]

For me, I have seen what cheating can do in a relationship. And how those feelings can stick with you for years, I don't think you can ever fully get that trust back, once it's been broken by something like that. But it doesn't mean that the person isn't sorry, In some cases it was just a lack of judgement and a huge mistake. I think you can move on from hurt like this and make it, but it depends on the people. With a LDR I think it would be harder to build up that trust again. Im so sorry for what happened, I think you need to take time away from him to fully think about your relationship, and if you want to continue this with him. I'm not going to say you should leave or stay with him. But if in your position I don't know what I would do honestly. Im so sorry for what happened, were all here for you.

[lucybelle]

Well I posted this in your blog, but I feel like him "thinking of you the whole time" is even worse! He knew he was hurting you and cheating on you and was actually consciously thinking about it... and still did it anyways? Leave him be. Not worth it.

[Semperfikindoflove]

I can give you my personal experience. My ex fiance was roommates with my best friend (now boyfriend) in the Marines. We had talked about having a life together and he was deploying in October 2010. In September, he chose to cheat on me with one of my best friend's mother figures. I was blaming myself for our fight all night and my best friend kept me sane. He found out half way through the night what had happened but choose to keep me from being hurt until my ex got back to the barracks. When he did, he called me, he wasn't remorseful at all. He went to PT and came back immediately afterwards almost in tears apologizing to me, saying that I was the best thing to ever happen to him and that he didn't mean to do that. I had to choose to forgive him or continue to hold onto what he did. I chose to forgive him which A LOT of people disagreed with. But you know in your heart if you can or if you can't. It worked out for me but most of the way through deployment we realized that we weren't good together, we were much better as friends and we have stayed close friends ever since.

I have had one experience where I have made mistakes, I did not cheat but I did spend the night at my best friend's house. At the time, I was dating my ex who was in boot camp. He got pissed, even though my best friend and I did NOTHING. It destroyed the trust in our relationship so bad, aside from him breaking my trust multiple times too, as well as issues with his friends, it tore our relationship apart that he didn't trust me. I talked to my best friend about it because I felt that maybe he wouldn't know what to do. I told him that my ex had said that if I told him I did it, he would drop the subject and trust me again. Being an idiot, I told my best friend that I was going to say we did. My best friend was angry because that looked really bad on him being a Marine as well. But I felt that it would work. Well it definitely didn't, I wish I would have kept my mouth shut. So trust issues really messed us up even farther.

But if he says he won't do it again then trust him. You want him to be honest with you. I hope this helps you, if he's being true and honest with you then hopefully you can find it in your heart to forgive him. It isn't a sign of weakness, it's a sign of strength to forgive someone for that kind of thing. You just can't continue to forgive someone for that over and over again. Once is enough. Keep your head up girl, if you need anything, message me!

[Joyce:)]

I'm sorry, I've been cheated on in the past, it's no fun. You feel anger, sadness, you feel like it's your fault, like you could have prevented it, like you were not enough. If you feel like you're not enough, quit it, it is obviously not your fault.
Cheating is always a horrible thing, that many people forgive too easily. The thing I hate about cheating, is that most times people cheat with someone they barely know, whom they may be only physically and not emotionally attracted to, and whom means nothing to them. I think that is the most hurtful form of cheating.

An ex of mine cheated on me, but at least he had developed strong feelings for another girl who he ended up dating for over a year. I felt so hurt for so long, but at least you could say that something good came out of that situation (he found what he was really looking for, i got rid of an asshole).
If you think about the Taylor Swift song you are listening to, at one point she asks "was it worth it, was she worth it?". Your boyfriend cheated on you with someone who wasn't worth it, someone he doesn't want to be with, someone who he does not have feelings for, let alone love. That is the most pointless, stupid, careless form of cheating.

When you love someone, when you are IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE, it's not that you don't cheat because it's wrong, or because you'll get into trouble, you don't cheat simply because you have already found all that you need in life, and no random girl (or anyone else for that matter) could give you what you need, other than your SO.
Right now you are hurt, confused, and scared that if you let go of him, you might be letting go of the love of your life. You're scared to be alone, to have to get to know someone else like you knew your SO, to start dating again, you're scared you won't find anyone better. Don't let these fears make you make a mistake. If you stayed with him, you'd feel constantly reminded that he cheated, that he was with another girl, that he gave in and on top of it all, was thinking of you while committing this huge mistake.

It hurts to fall in love with someone that ends up hurting you, but at least it happened now, and not in a year, or two or whenever.
Long distance relationships are extremely hard, it's horrible to love someone who is so far away, not to be able to go on a date whenever you want, not to be able to kiss, hold hands, cuddle, but as someone said already, you have to "man up". You were faithful, why not him?
If he really was the right one, THE ONE, why would he risk it all for a bit of fun with someone who meant nothing to him? why give up his everything for nothing?

You want someone who will climb mountains for you, someone who will treat you like you were his sky, moon and stars, someone who will love you, respect you, and deserve your love in return.

He has given you proof that he is not "the one". And you should never settle for anyone less than "the one".
*hugs*

[CynicalQuixotic]

Well I posted this in your blog, but I feel like him "thinking of you the whole time" is even worse! He knew he was hurting you and cheating on you and was actually consciously thinking about it... and still did it anyways? Leave him be. Not worth it.

Am echoing this sentiment with great vigor. Thinking about you the whole time he was boning some other chick and it didn't occur to him to *maybe* stop? Gah. Creepy.

I'm not usually a fan of the "once a cheater, always a cheater" maxim, but, I think given the circumstances, I would cut your losses and end the relationship. As WakeUpSusie said, I don't think it's worth the ongoing anguish. I'm really sorry this happened to you--being cheated on is the worst.

[savoie-truffle]

Euch I dont like this one bit, Im so sorry you are having to deal with it.

Here's what Im thinking... not that there is any excuse was he drunk?
that is the only reason I could possibly think of doing something like this, other than the fact that he misses you and couldnt take it.

The thing is though that if hes in a LD relationship with you he should already know how hard its going to be, he should know that the only thing he can do is be strong and persevere. Also really he shouldve known from the start that there were going to be temptations along the way but if he loves you the way he should he wouldve resisted

As for the seduction thing he should have made it clear to her from the beginning that he wasnt going to do anything with her that he has a gf. I HATE it when guys say stuff like that because ultimately if I was in this girls shoes and was throwing myself at a guy if he said that I would do one of two things.. Say okay and back off or keep trying but even if i did guys are fully capable of getting away from girls. Not to mention it really takes two to tango I would hope that rather than "thinking of you the entire time" he wouldve stopped things from continuing as soon as he thought of you.

I think that is what makes me sad that he could do that to you. I really think taking a week to think is the smartest thing I could think of doing (in fact I dont even think I wouldve thought of it). But really its going to come down more to how big you are on trust and how badly he has hurt you. Im sure over the next few weeks you are going to get so many apologies and some will be sincere and others will be pleading, really though the only thing you need to listen to is your heart and if you think it can be mended than who are we to judge.

Like I said though this guy really disrespected you so I wouldn't let him forget anytime soon.

Again many hugs and I hope you are doing okay considering its times like these TSwift is appropriate to cry to so in my opinion let those tears fall if you've got em, only once you get them all out can you start to heal <3

[Bobbiejeanne]

Yes.

the fact that he actually relayed it to you as "she seduced me" and "I didn't stop her" but "I was thinking of you the whole time" as opposed to "I messed up and there is no excuse. I'm sorry and I hope that we can work through it" actually only cements my opinion. It is one thing to accept full and total responsibility for your conscious decisions, but it is entirely different when you come up with a flood of excuses either because he got caught (wasn't clear who came to who) or he couldn't live with the guilt.

Actually, he called me right after it happened... I didn't catch him at all. In fact, if he hadn't told me straight out, I would have probably never known. And he did say "I'm sorry and I hope we can work through it" in those exact words. I guess I was a little eager to completely make him sound like an asshole in the post.

[Bobbiejeanne]

I think I've made my decision. While I know I haven't finished my "week of thought".... I've made peace with the choice... and I really hope you guys can see past what might seem like utter stupidity.

I've decided to stay with him. I know a lot of you brought up the point of "you're young" and "you've only been dating for 5 months" which are valid points, but I feel like the it's not the quantity of time I've spent with him, it's the quality.

But no, he will never see the end of this. I already plan on making him do several things, like telling his Parents (They're strict religious people, I'm sure they can instill a fear of God into him since I'm o far away an cannot). He's not allowed to lie. About anything. He must tell the gil of my existence if she doesn't already know (but it sounds like she does) and never speak to her again. And if he even thinks about cheating, I'm gone and not looking back.

I've always been a believer in "Once a Cheater, always a cheater" and he needs to prove to me that that is wrong. And prove that he still means every word of what he said when he told me days before that he wants to spend the rest of his life with me.

We're back at square one, like we had never met before.


I hope you all can respect my decision.... I know so many of you were vehemently against my staying with him, and I know it's going to be a bitch, and I know he was an asshole. But he's my asshole. I'm going to treat this like any good marriage gone wrong and try and work through it. SO many couple do, and I know my Father cheated on my mom just recently, and they're working it out through counseling, etc. Why can't committed couples do that?


Thank you all SO much for the support, reading through this was hard at times, but it's the hard truth of what's happening, an I'm glad you were all able to tell me your opinions... please continue doing so! I would love to hear what I should do now...