Can't Shake this Feeling

[PandorianRose]

For the past 2.5 months I've been having bad dreams 3-5 nights a week. I can't shake them. Sometimes they're so awful I wake up and cry because that is the only thing I can do to shake the feeling. Sometimes the feeling pervades me to the bone, and I'm stuck for the next 2-3 hours feeling like I'm in that perpetual dream.

Last night I had another one. Like all dreams they take on that oddities. In this dream I was with my Dad and Step Mom at their house. I guess I was living with them again or something. Beau (my ex fiance) had come over to talk. (In fact, he actually did this last night. We still have unresolved issues about the ending of our relationship that we're trying to work through.) While Beau was over Jason called. I stop my conversation with Beau to talk to him. We were talking and laughing and discussing his move here.

Then Beau says something in the background and tries to kiss me. Jason hears it and gets upset, deciding that I'm trying to hide things from him. I try to explain to him that's not what it was at all, but he doesn't care. So for the remainder of the dream I'm crying and trying to get Beau to calm down and leave and crying and trying to get Jason to talk to me and listen to me. At the end of the dream I ask Jason if he still wants to be with me, and he says he just doesn't know anymore.

Ugh! I know I'm in love with Jason, and that I want to be with him. I know that I have unresolved things in my past relationship with Beau, and I'm moving through them. Then I get dreams like that. I'm... terrified, upset, shaken, lost, scared, confused... Everything.

To top it all off, I've been wanting desperately to talk to Jason this week. It's been very stressful for me with school, and I've needed him. Our conversations only run about 7 minutes though. Sure we talk online in sporadic moments throughout the evenings, but he's in WoW raiding which is something we used to do together. I've wanted to tell him for the last couple of nights and he keeps asking me "What's wrong?" and I want to tell him, but I don't want to have a 2 hr conversation at 11pm at night when I'm already exhausted from the day and he's about to pass out. FREAKING CALL ME EARLIER SO WE CAN TALK, I NEED YOU! I want to scream. Several times I've pretty much hung up the phone on him and cried myself to sleep.

Last night when he asked I told him I don't want to talk about it when we're both tired. Like right now, I don't even know if I WANT to talk to him anymore. I know that it's just the bad dreams and being frustrated talking. I just... bleh.

I don't know what to do.

[Caitlin2009]

you need to tell him whats bothering you!! despite him being tired you need to tell him, and im willing to bet thats where these dreams are coming from because you are hiding your emotions from him, and i think thats the case but Denise knows how to interpret dreams really well so i'll show her that dream part you posted and i'll let you know what she said if you want me to do that

[PandorianRose]

I'd be okay with that. I'm usually pretty good with interpreting dreams, but I've had so many bad ones in a row that I think I'm just inundated with information.

I wrote Jason a really long email talking about what I'd been feeling/thinking. I hate writing those kinds of emails. I wish it were easier for me to just talk to him about it, but it's hard. The distance makes it even harder.

[Caitlin2009]

i understand that. i'm sure he'll talk to you about it in detail on the phone. and alrighty i will let show it to her and let you know what she thinks

[ValadinShadow]

Maybe you can make a date? Set a day an time, so that you both know you will have time to talk. Good luck. I'm sorry about the bad dreams! Those are no fun. At all.

[Caitlin2009]

alright Denise said this about your dream: "well the fact that it starts off with a family theme..i.e where she comes from shows a need to either go back to the beginning of her relationship issues to figure out whether its what she wants...go back to the start to find out where it went wrong etc..ex fiance kissing her shows HIS feelings for her are still there in some form but where she says he *tries* to do it show that she has some. misgivings about thi s and showing that she has alot more concern about Jasons feelings at that time is more like she needs to look at THAT relationsup more closely...she WANTS hi s attention on her....an the fact that hes so upset shows that its likely he does care about her alot but feels in an ex's shadow in someway"


i hope that helps hon

[Mio]

Hope this dreams go away soon, there must be something in your subconscious bothering you.

[xsomanymilesx]

i agree with mio, your best bet is to sort things out with your ex as soon as possible and tell your SO everything. i made that mistake of keeping things bottled up and now its all a mess
good luck!