Why cant i stop crying?? i feel pathetic.... </3

[lysie]

I want to add to what Minerva said and mention that it's all a part of the cycle. You've got the intense period of abuse, oftentimes then the honeymoon or the make-up period, where it's "baby, I'm sorry" and a myriad of sweet things/gestures, and then you've got the "quiet time" where things are building, building, building until it gets to a point he gets set off again.

It is nothing you have done wrong. I understand that it is so much easier to believe that it's you, because if you accept it as your fault, then you feel maybe there's a chance. If there's something wrong with you, then it's something you can fix, and you don't have to accept it as being your partner or as part of the relationship. I did this for two years, saw things wrong with me and let him off the hook, but in the end, it was still the same. Nothing changed. He continued to treat me the same way he always had, continued to manipulate and abuse me, no matter how many times I tried to take the blame and fix what I hadn't even broken. The thing is that he has to own up to his actions and take responsibility for them, not after-the-fact/in that honeymoon phase, but after the argument. He's continuously making this out to be you, you, you. "It's your fault," "you do it on purpose," it's something "you're not getting." And someone like that does not have the capacity to change, or at least they're not looking to access it.

Yes i completely understand. and i guess time will tell. as tickets are non refundable i will have to go on the trip. regardless of whether he will be picking me up or not.... so i have just made my last call to him i told him that it is his turn to make the next move and decide what he wants. as i am getting very hurt over this. if he does not pick me up im guessing that is a sure sign right? lol oh man time to work on making me ok for what could be instore for me

[Semperfikindoflove]

It's true that it's a very bad cycle he is in. There will be nothing you can do, you were right to tell him to make the next move. If you get out there and he doesn't get you, make sure you have a back up plan. However, if he does then you two need to discuss his behavior. It's only going to get worse if you two can't figure out a way for him to change the way he treats you. I'm worried about your safety if that behavior continues, like I said it only gets worse and you could be hurt. I've seen it happen before following similar signs. Keep your head up but do what you need to do to be happy and ok before you worry about him!

[lysie]

It's true that it's a very bad cycle he is in. There will be nothing you can do, you were right to tell him to make the next move. If you get out there and he doesn't get you, make sure you have a back up plan. However, if he does then you two need to discuss his behavior. It's only going to get worse if you two can't figure out a way for him to change the way he treats you. I'm worried about your safety if that behavior continues, like I said it only gets worse and you could be hurt. I've seen it happen before following similar signs. Keep your head up but do what you need to do to be happy and ok before you worry about him!

Yeah well i are trying my best. its been a long time. and if the worste case scenario happens then it is going to be hard for me to overcome. but i am strong. been through a lot. i just wish things were different.... i truly do

[Miramaid]

Yeah while i do think you could have called him back when he is not driving, what he said to you is absolutely unacceptable

[savoie-truffle]

Oh wow this is not a fun sounding situation. Ill see if I can help at all.

Here is the deal under all of the immature and hurtful things that have been going on Ive noticed a lot of common factors for a lot of LD's couples that arent used to it and dont really know what to do.

I mean ultimately you two arent seeing or hearing or feeling each other that is going to put A LOT of stress on the two of you.. I know it is for my and my BF. I like you seem to take the more emotional route and I think its maybe because we dont have as much of a support group as our men (except as Im realizing we have tons of people on here who are willing to help!! ). When they get in a funk over missing us they can go and get it outo f their systems whereas at least for me and maybe you I'd rather talk to them because they are sort of .. you know the only person who really knows what we are going through haha.

Here is where things differ however as much as my bf gets frustrated that I can be a bit of a downer and that I worry too much and obsess he would never talk to me that way. Number one because he just wouldnt and number 2... he knows that when I eventually do see him he would get a nice slap (not really... ha violence is never the answer) but he definitely would not get away with it. You need to be strong and stick up for yourself hun, and that doesnt mean picking a fight or forcing your thoughts onto him. It just means if another situation like this arises you tell him straight up `Hey buddy I havent done anything and really I think its you that is acting childish`

It is never good to be called names or be told things like this and if he is supposed to be your significant other I think he really should smarten up. I mean my bf recently raised his voice at me when I was being overly emotional and said `STOP APOLOGIZING`so even then I said `Well if I keep apologizing maybe there is a reason and you should be more helpful in helping me fix it and not yell at me!`ha ha eventually he texted back and said ya that is true that even if he doesnt see what the issue is its obvs something on my end and I may need help. I dont really know where I am going with this except that you deserve someone who at the same time doesn't put up with shit from you doesn't give you any either.

As for your trip my only advice is dont dwell on it too much when you are there its hard enough not to get into tiny arguments when you first see each other again because you are so worried about not getting to spend enough time together. So just try to enjoy yourself but like I said if he pulls this crap on you dont be scared to speak your mind away no one should ever call you names or tell you they hate you ESPECIALLY when they obviously dont.

As for spending time alone in Canada I highly doubt it but if you need a little space Im from Canada maybe I can give you some good ideas on sights to see I hope everything works out and sorry for this ramble