college choices

[beckychan]

I'll try to make this as short as possible!

I'm in college and I have about 1-2 more years left. My SO is graduating HS this year and is deciding on what college to go to. Obviously one option would be to go to school up here with me, and we could live together and all that other great stuff. The problems with that is a) I'm going to graduate soon and I don't know where I might land a job.. and I dont want to live him hanging and b) its much more expensive for him to go to school out of state!

The other option, and the far less favorable one (as far as our relationship goes) his him going to school in his state. This would mean it would be ALOT CHEAPER, and he could be close to his family. But obviously this means we can't be together and who knows WHEN we'd be able to close the distance. On top of that, the distance is getting it's toll on us, and we have been fighting over small things alot so the sooner we can end it the better.

A couple other things to note:
-We have considered him going here, and if he has to, he will transfer back to his homestate if I end up getting a job somewhere else. (but he's not up to that)
-I transfer to school down there (but it would also cost me money)
- I move down there once I graduate college
-we run away in the wilderness

What would you do? Or do you have any advice?

[Reuschel]

Well my relationship started out CD and school is actually what separated us. She stayed in our home state and I decided to go out and explore the world. Well, at least that is how I like to think of it. Really what happened is that they gave me a HUGE scholarship and my parents kind of forced my hand. Some days I wish I was home to see my family but other times I know I'd be so busy it wouldn't cross my mind.

What he should do is apply to schools, scholarships, and financial aid and see what happens. Sometimes out of state can become almost the same as instate tuition or in my case, cheaper. He should think about what he wants in a school such as size, distance from home, majors, internships, etc. I would just let him figure out what he wants and then support him no matter what.

[Mara]

My SO and I are in a separate yet similar situation. [I have about 2 years left of college and my SO is starting a new grad school program in the Spring]

Basically, I think the two of you just need to think everything out thoroughly.

Deciding what college to go to is a huge decision. He needs to think about what will be most cost effective, most practical, and what each university has to offer.

As far as the two of you closing the distance, you need to think long term. If he does go to the university you are attending, what will happen when it comes time for you to look for work? Will you be looking for jobs in other cities/states? Will he be able to transfer to the university back home easily? Will he eventually move to wherever you find work to close the distance in the future? There is unfortunately a lot to think about.

I think the most practical thing would be for him to decide which college would be best for him [outside of the fact that the two of you would be close distance if he went to the one you went to] and then for the two of you to go from there.

[CanadianGirl]

I don't know what you'd want, but if it were me, I'd find a way to go to him after graduating. He'll be in school for quite some time, and I'd just see it as an experience, to live and work someplace new. I don't think it's in anyone's best interest to compromise on school by transferring in the middle. And it's not like the move is permanent, you two may decide on something else later on, who knows. And if you were to do the above, I'd start looking into making connections and scoping out the job market in his area now.

[beckychan]

Thanks for the replies

Basically a lot of the things you two have suggested we have also, already considered.

He wants to study law, so he'd have to get into a pre-law program. My school DOES offer pre-law but I don't believe they have it as a graduate program. He's also HEAVILY considering community college cost wise.
He's in the process of applying to all the colleges he's considering, which are all in his state (except mine).

We definitely think about the future, which is why this is a hard decision. I don't necessarily think transferring back to his state would be a problem, more than it would be a hassle.

I feel/fear that if he we were to go to school apart from each other it will pull us further apart. I say this because I worry that as soon as I graduate I'm going to have to look for a job, and I have NO IDEA where that would be. Meanwhile, he's still going to be in college, while I'm trying to make a future for myself. And by the time he graduates college (which will probably be awhile if he does study law(and he's doesn't seem like he wants to study anything else at all)) I will have already settled down somewhere making it nearly impossible for us to make things work a few years down the line. PLUS, as far as law goes, you have to take a board test in each state in order to practice law, so him going to school there, and taking the board test there means he's pretty much staying there.

I know that holding on that long in an LDR would be A LOT of work, but then I question, well would it be more worth it to just forget about the cost and be together and save ourselves the misery of such a long time? That too could also be a gamble, because what if it just doesn't work out?

Of course no matter what school he chooses to go to, I would support him and love him no matter what. We've already cried about the thought of him going to school down there, and us not being able to be together. We're both going to be depressed over it, and we both feel that it is a loose-loose situation which ever choice he makes.

WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

[Mara]

*hugs* I'm sorry, I know it's so complicated, and so hard to really make a decision about. I think it's tough any time two people try to make things work though especially when they are in two different places in their lives. Whatever the two of you decide, I hope it works out for the best.

[Semperfikindoflove]

This may not be what you want to hear but at this point in time you both need to consider what works best for you individually and for your future careers. You could always land a job where he is. You may have to wait a few more years to be together. I don't know how you feel about that, but a lot of times you have to make hard decisions in life individually and not with someone else. Both of you might want to think about your futures and where you want those to go before putting the relationship first. I know that sounds difficult but things happen, the one thing you want to keep consistent in life is the direction of your career.

[floridaellen]

I think he should apply to schools near him and yours as well. It actually made more financial sense for me to go to school in Florida rather than my home state of New Jersey due to financial aid and scholarships. There is no harm in applying and seeing from there.

[CynicalQuixotic]

He wants to study law, so he'd have to get into a pre-law program. My school DOES offer pre-law but I don't believe they have it as a graduate program. He's also HEAVILY considering community college cost wise.
He's in the process of applying to all the colleges he's considering, which are all in his state (except mine).

Tell your boyfriend not to study pre-law. Pre-law is not only completely pointless, but actually can be harmful.

The actual LSAT is a logic test--you don't need to know anything about law at all to get a good score, it merely tests your critical thinking skills. Law school is hugely competitive, and in the event that your boyfriend doesn't get into any of the schools that he applies to--which is a distinct possibility--his bachelor's degree is absolutely worthless. You can major in anything and become a lawyer if you get a good grade on the LSAT, finish law school, and pass the bar. Please tell him to study something that he enjoys--as it will be his grades, LSAT score, and recommendations that the admissions people will be looking at, not what he majored in.

[Reuschel]

Tell your boyfriend not to study pre-law. Pre-law is not only completely pointless, but actually can be harmful.

The actual LSAT is a logic test--you don't need to know anything about law at all to get a good score, it merely tests your critical thinking skills. Law school is hugely competitive, and in the event that your boyfriend doesn't get into any of the schools that he applies to--which is a distinct possibility--his bachelor's degree is absolutely worthless. You can major in anything and become a lawyer if you study hard for the LSAT. Please tell him to study something that he enjoys--as it will be his grades, LSAT score, and recommendations that the admissions people will be looking at, not what he majored in.

Usually with Pre-Professional programs, they have to major in something and they just take recommended courses to get into Law School eventually. Such as I'm a Biology and Chemistry major with a Pre-Medical concentration. I will be graduating with actual degrees in Biology and Chemistry, not Pre-Med. The same goes for all the other Pre programs at my school.

[CynicalQuixotic]

Usually with Pre-Professional programs, they have to major in something and they just take recommended courses to get into Law School eventually. Such as I'm a Biology and Chemistry major with a Pre-Medical concentration. I will be graduating with actual degrees in Biology and Chemistry, not Pre-Med. The same goes for all the other Pre programs at my school.

Aha, I see how it works. If that's indeed the case with your boyfriend, OP, then disregard my alarmism!

[WakeUpSusie]

He should go to school where he WANTS to. As someone who survived a high school and four year LD college relationship, his college choice should not be dependent on where you go. My SO told me that when I was freaking out about being apart before freshman year and I didn't believe him. But I went where I wanted to, and I can't imagine what my life would have been like if I didn't. If he truely likes the school you're at, then wonderful. But he really should make this decision based entirely on what is best for him and what he wants.

[Semperfikindoflove]

He should go to school where he WANTS to. As someone who survived a high school and four year LD college relationship, his college choice should not be dependent on where you go. My SO told me that when I was freaking out about being apart before freshman year and I didn't believe him. But I went where I wanted to, and I can't imagine what my life would have been like if I didn't. If he truely likes the school you're at, then wonderful. But he really should make this decision based entirely on what is best for him and what he wants.

I agree completely. When you do things like that you might regret it. I had a friend who chose to go to a school with her boyfriend, she regretted it because it wasn't the right school for her and they broke up after her freshman year. Not saying that that will happen but school choices should purely be based on the person's wants and needs for their future.