Should I not have cried?

[Snap]

Today it was the last day of the visit with my boyfriend. I'm always a little bit emotional on those days but I usually keep it to myself until after I leave. However, today was different. My boyfriend told me that our next visit is going to be a week later than originally planned due to some important school stuff he has to do and family obligations. For some reason, I started bawling. I really tried to hold it in, but I couldn't. He hugged me and asked what was wrong and after a few minutes of him trying to pry it out of me, I said that I would miss him. He laughed and said "You really aren't good with the distance thing." I think he was just joking? It sounded like it but I can never be sure.

But I feel really selfish for crying and making a big deal out of this. This school stuff that he has to do is REALLY important and will have a huge effect on his career. He's already been really generous with his time by calling me on the phone almost every night although he said a few weeks ago that he was only going to be able to talk to me a couple of times a week because of this school stuff. I should really feel grateful, and I do. And this delay is only going to put our next visit 1 week later than original so it really isn't even that long of a time period. But this will be the longest that I've gone without seeing him.

I really don't want him to think that I'm too weak to be in an LDR and that's making me really scared. I know I need to be strong for him, myself, and the relationship. But I couldn't help it and I needed to let the tears out. This was actually only the 2nd time he's ever seen me cry so it's not like I make a habit out of this. Ugh. Was it bad that I cried?

[Mara]

He laughed? I'm not sure if he was joking or not either, hard to tell, but laughing at the least was a bit insensitive since you were upset. Though I will say some people are able to handle the distance better than others, I don't think you did anything wrong by crying. Crying is a natural response, it's not like we can control when and if we cry.

I've started tearing up in the store, at school, and even in my car before because I missed my SO. I usually cry at the end of every visit because I know it'll be a while before we see each other again. It's not an easy thing leaving the person you love.

[Zapookie]

It's okay to cry. Don't ever feel selfish for it. And you sholdn't be afraid to express your emotions in front of your SO.

My SO left two weeks ago today after a 3 month stay and watching him walk through those departure gates was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. I was very sensitive the whole weekend leading up to it, crying at the slightest thought of being without him and I cried the whole bus trip on the way to the airport, and on the way back when I traveled home by myself. The reason I cried so much was because we don't know when we're going to see each other again.

He won't think you're too weak to be in an LDR. I'm sure he understands. You love him and you're being separated from him for an extended amount of time. It's not easy for anyone, but some people are better at holding it in than others. Just know that we're here for support if you ever need it, and we've all had that heartwrenching time being away from our loves. You're not alone in this.

[Stubborn Hope]

Never be ashamed of crying. LDRs are hard. Like Mara said, it's not easy leaving the person you love... Different people handle the distance differently - that doesn't mean someone is better or worse at handling the distance. My ex would busy himself with work and his friends to the point that he didn't really consider me to be a part of his real life. He never cried or got upset about the distance, while I would on occasion. He thought he was "better than me" at dealing with the distance...

And yet, here I am in a different LDR and he's struggling to find women to connect with.

I am sure your SO was not belittling your feelings. It sounds like he was just surprised about your apparent reaction to the week-long extension. I think you were just reacting to the idea of having to face the distance again period. Discussing it on the last day together make it more concrete, you know? Anyways, I think your reaction was fine, normal, and probably healthy. Hang in there, and you know the LFAD community has your back.

[LilyChiba]

It sounds to me like he was just trying to lighten the mood and that's why he was laughing. Crying is supposed to make you feel better anyhow, and coming from someone who thinks crying is a weakness in myself, yeah.. I have a feeling I'm going to bawl my eyes when he leaves next year (when he comes over). I'm gonna hate him to see it, but I know I won't be able to wait until after. I have a hard time controlling it when I get super emotional and considering I've cried more in this last 2 years than in my life.. yeah.

[kteire]

I cry every time my SO and I say goodbye. Usually when we separate, it's for 3-4 months, so it's expected I guess, but last week we said goodbye, and I get to see him again this weekend, and I still cried a lot. It's hard to have definite days you know there's no chance of seeing your SO... So don't feel bad about it. It's nothing to be ashamed of!!

[princessmeg1328]

Don't feel bad about crying. I do it every single time either I or my SO leaves. My SO cries too. It hurts to see the person you love have to leave. It hurts to be left. I'm sure your SO wasn't trying to be mean when you told him the reason why you were crying. I agree with Stubborn Hope. I'm sure you're SO was just surprised about your reaction to the week long extension. It's ok to cry, especially in front of your SO. They're supposed to be the person you can be the most honest with. If the fact that he laughed still bothers you, I would talk to him about it. He may not be aware that it hurt you.

[rhomy]

It's ok to cry. It's not a sin. You felt that way and that's the important thing about a relationship. I mean, you don't have to hide your feelings.
Though don't cry all the time or make him feel that he is a bad boyfriend for leaving you alone a week more. But crying once in a while and showing him how important he is for you it's fine. Actually I think it is a good thing to show him how much you care, without stopping being supportive.

And I really think he was joking when he said you were not good a LDR.
Cheer up!

[rsvpnj]

I cry every time my SO and I separate and for the past 8 months we've seen each other every month. Don't feel selfish for crying. It hurts worse if you hold it in. My SO jokes all the time about me crying but he confessed to me that its his defense mechanism because it hurts him to see me cry.

[snow_girl]

I don't understand why so many people are afraid to show emotion in their relationships. So what if you cried, thats how you were feeling at the time. LDRs are hard and frustrating. Crying doesn't mean you are telling him to drop all the important things he is doing and run back to you as soon as possible. If you needed to cry then let it out, you shouldn't be ashamed to show your SO.

[Semperfikindoflove]

It's ok to cry and it's ok to be afraid. But that doesn't make you weak, it makes you human. Crying is a part of the emotional process. He sounds like a very understanding guy. Just remember that you will get to see him again soon, it's not a permanent thing. But being emotional just shows you care. Don't worry about it, again, it's a human thing.

[Hildy]

He laughed? I'm not sure if he was joking or not either, hard to tell, but laughing at the least was a bit insensitive since you were upset. Though I will say some people are able to handle the distance better than others, I don't think you did anything wrong by crying. Crying is a natural response, it's not like we can control when and if we cry.

I've started tearing up in the store, at school, and even in my car before because I missed my SO. I usually cry at the end of every visit because I know it'll be a while before we see each other again. It's not an easy thing leaving the person you love.

I agree. It defiantly isn't easy leaving the person you love. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't wish he was here with me, but I always keep in mind the good times we've spent together and reasons why we are committed to our LDR.

I cry after each visit with my SO and so does he. My heart lives with him and when he leaves it goes with him. Just because you cry after a visit or because you miss him does not mean you're weak or can't handle the LDR. It just means that you have many feelings for him and he should respect that.

Don't be afraid to cry. Like Mara said, crying is natural and sometimes you just can't control it.

Keep strong!

[Snap]

Yeah, my boyfriend says that he uses humor as a coping mechanism so maybe that's what he was doing when he laughed. We've talked on the phone since I left and he didn't bring up the crying in the conversation, thankfully. I don't mind showing my emotions, but what made me feel bad is that I know how important school is to him and that it will take priority over me at times. He's said before that he cannot be with a girl who cannot tolerate that. I just didn't want to give him that impression when I cried.

But I'm glad I'm not the only one here who cries. I never cried in my last LDR so this is all foreign to me and it makes me feel better that I'm not alone.