Insecure of meeting her again

[Laura_N]

We're planning to meet in December again with my SO... And suddenly, I have noticed myself having these insecure thoughts.

Things haven't been too perfect lately and we've had some arguments and hard time, and even though we're working through it, I'm really nervous about our next meeting. It will be our first time spending whole days and nights together and I'm dreading of something going wrong. We've seen just once before and I'm the really quiet type before I'm used to being around someone else. On our first date I talked and I was comfortable around her, but she said I was being quiet. I'm scared that what is my chatty will be her quiet again...

We also had a ridiculous argument yesterday. It was about going to a Christmas market once she's here. We both want to go, but apparently I sounded reluctant at first or something because suddenly she said "no no, it's fine, we don't have to go" and so we continued that all day. She said she'd go with friends back in Glasgow, and my mind translated that to "I want to go with my friends but not with you". In the end I ended up crying when I went to bed. I feel quite pathetic. I tend to get quite emotional but that was stupid even from me.

And then... Money. I have very little money and I'm scared of how can I afford things. I told it to her and she said that's fine, that I shouldn't worry about it and that we don't have to do very fancy things. But then at the same time, it being her first time in Finland, I'd love her to experience a bit more. I'd love to take her to the movies for example. I'm also worried because our meeting will be so close to Christmas... And I should get Christmas presents for family and friends. I've tried to save for her meeting but there has been so many extra costs this autumn, mostly health related, so I have had no choice but to use some of the money I've tried to save.

I told her about some of my insecurities, and she tried to reassure me. I just can't help but to think about all these things and worry.

[carolynred]

If anything just take a deep breath and BREATHE!! You are only human and can do so much at once. xD Just take one thing at a time. Seeing your SO is such a wonderful time, and if she has reassured you then put that worry to the side. I'm sure the two of you are both running around trying to get all of this to work, so when she arrives it should be a big relief to you both. Have confidence in what you have, and these things will slide by and won't cause you any more grief.

I tend to over-analyze things myself when it comes to stuff like this. I ALWAYS freak myself out, and then, no surprise, its not a big deal. Just try to relax, things are going to be just fine! You two are together for a reason right?

Money shouldn't be a huge issue in this case. Maybe for Christmas you can make something for her? Or maybe just have a special time for the two of you? I know my SO and I had a great time just baking in the kitchen. Take long walks to show her the area?

Just relax, you got this.

[Laura_N]

Thanks, carolynred. Money wouldn't be an issue, but... we're staying in a hotel because I live in a dormitory and I wouldn't take her here because of my roommates. So when we're staying in a hotel it also means eating out and so on, and there's loads of expenses there. I know it doesn't have to be anything too fancy, but Finland isn't a cheap country. But I really appreciate you're answer, you're right about those things. I just tend to freak out a lot...

[Semperfikindoflove]

Ok, you've probably heard this but take a deep breath and relax. Sometimes things in life happen that you have no control over (medical costs, etc.) and you have to make due with what you have. I know it's difficult at times but keep your head up. Find something fun to do that doesn't take money at Christmas, look into free things. While the hotel will be expensive, avoid unnecessary costs, if the hotel has free breakfast take advantage of it, don't order room service, just be smart about your money. On another note, sometimes communication lines can be crossed and you two may interpret things differently. I think you both need to discuss this to avoid stress like you had today.

Overall, relationships are supposed to be full of good stress (yes there is such a thing) not bad stress. Keep that in mind. Life is too short to fight, try to keep the fighting to a minimum and enjoy the time you two have together. It's more than worth it.