Break?

[Enric]

I can't complain about my SO, she's just perfect. We never discussed or fought, she supports me, she likes me, she's faithful, she's sweet, she has the things I want in a partner. And I don't have anyone else.

But I feel we can't continue with her... I feel we had to no start (we started this like a game in may). I thought many times this is completally crazy, I don't know I'm doing with someone I never seen in real and I never will be with. This isn't something new in my mind, I have this since we started.

But I feel unable of leave her, I love her. I feel bad now because I can't meet her but I would feel even worse if we break, however after break the time can solve it after some months...

I couldn't be without plans and I tried to make one. I had a moment of "luck", I got a job (I've been years searching that) or I thought so. Then I started to fantasize, to imagine a future buying an apartment and living with my SO... I know it was very difficult to do but I hate being in a hopeless relationship.

but that job has been worse than I thought. I have been working some days and I just have seen my boss today and he said that he only can offers me random part time works, without any contract, and bad payed. So I can't do anything with this and he even said that I won't find any full time job and I know he's right. I won't find anything else... So no money for see my SO.

But this isn't the only problem. Recently my SO had to spend all her money for save her grandmother who had heart problems and her australian uncle broke with her aunt and left them for ever (my SO wanted to ask help to him).

The Long distance relationship suck, they are impossible for poors. We even don't use webcam or microphone. Her Internet is slow and fails often. Our relationship is only texting words and I need more. I feel so alone when she's away.... I need someone to hug.

I'm in the hopeless mood again (never left this completally, only partially) and I don't have any idea of what to do, close the distance sounds completally impossible because the money. I'm scared of think I will be like this for many years. I have a phobia to become old without enjoy my youthness and it increases it, and I don't want that my girlfriend suffers it.

But I also have a phobia to break, I hate breaking, it hurts me much and it can hurt her, and I don't want to. I always wished a relationship that lasted for ever.

I don't know what to do. Both options, continue or break, are painful.

[Sharon Q]

What you are describing are all temporary problems. Things will fall into place.
Can you or her call each other?

You can find a better job for now just save all the money you can.

Does she have a job?

A relationship takes two people. After medical bills are taken care of she could save to come see you.

If her internet is really slow what about going to a computer lab?
She could do that for a while.

[Semperfikindoflove]

I think this is really up to you, I know that doesn't really help but if you love her then make it work. Put as much effort as you can into it, both of you make a plan, and make it happen. I know that sounds hard especially without money or a job but keep looking, keep trying, and find an alternative. If you are unable to do so then break it off if that is what you feel is best. Libraries can help with the internet and you can always write letters, it's old fashioned but I love writing and receiving letters. I guess I can't tell you how to handle all of this, but you should figure it out soon because the longer you wait the more it will hurt both of you.

I know sometimes it seems like things are impossible or this will never end but stay positive, all good things come with time and effort.

[msskunk]

Well Eric, me and my bf never have webcam or microphone, chat, make a phone calls, or text. We both communicate through emails only, once a week. But we still in relationship although we never meet each other more than a year. I think you both can make another way to communicate like semperfikindoflove said by letters, or you can record your voice or video and send it through emails, and looking the new way to communicate (that would be interesting).

When we are in the hard times, sometime it feel impossible to stand for love but who said it not worth. But we knows that life have another story and can makes an impossible things can be possible. Just be patient and keep doing the best.

Now your relationship depend on you both, you want to stand for love and fight or you just stop in the next station. Hope you all the best!

[rhomy]

I think this is really up to you, I know that doesn't really help but if you love her then make it work. Put as much effort as you can into it, both of you make a plan, and make it happen. I know that sounds hard especially without money or a job but keep looking, keep trying, and find an alternative. If you are unable to do so then break it off if that is what you feel is best. Libraries can help with the internet and you can always write letters, it's old fashioned but I love writing and receiving letters. I guess I can't tell you how to handle all of this, but you should figure it out soon because the longer you wait the more it will hurt both of you.

I know sometimes it seems like things are impossible or this will never end but stay positive, all good things come with time and effort.

I totally agree. The more you wait , the more it will hurt. But sooner or later you'll make it happen and you'll be together.
My SO and I want to meet but we won't make it before September 2012 (if we are lucky). But I know he is worth the waiting.

If you are both willing to meet, you'll find a way to earn the money and find the strenght to go on
Best luck for you!

[Luke]

there's always a way, don't give up things change so quickly, you might get the chance to meet and close the distance sooner than you think
At least I think it's worth to wait for the possible love of your life, even if it's 4, 5, even 10 years

Wish you all the best!

[uniquefem]

Sorry to hear all the bad things that happened to you and your SO.

Recently, my SO had to made huge choice to move back to Russia. He used to live in nice country such as USA and Germany where he think its more possible for me to stay..rather than in Russia.. where the weather/temperature could be as cold as -35 on winter, and very rare English.

Right one day before our one year anniversary two week ago, he wanted us to broke up. He said he can not imagine he would drag me into Russia, land where i will be a complete stranger. And also the down side he will get less pay and in Moscow higher living costs. He said would be a very bad future for me, and our future kids.

He said, he will never be married, and this is hurting him so bad. I said, why should be that way?? he said because he feel he failed me. Just the same like your fears he got that fears of living by him self too. And at beginning our relationship he tried to deny his feeling and now he was falling too deep that it broke his heart.

That night when he ask me broke up, he told me everything how he feel, his fears, his thought about us, his feeling about me. One year we had he never told me, he carry this all inside. He never ask me what do i want, what should we do... etc. And i was mad hahah....

Live in Indonesia is hard, true. We earn less than you, true. We had very lame inet speed, true!

Indonesian know how to survive the worse, i believe that. You've been here.. you see how we live.. we complains..but we suck it up. Less money, well we survive with what we had, lame internet?? hehe me and my SO sending snail mail from post office! and its worth the 2 weeks wait between Indonesia and Germany.

Thing is.. how you going to make this work.

You wont always be in trouble with work, and she will get over her grandma issue, and aunt issue. Its normal in here that family matters are everyone matters. But it will get through! I could stand still and be strong if my SO stand still and strong and stop worrying about me!! all the problem in Indonesia made us a stronger person... and i will be ok, and i think so does Ria, your SO.

If you already gave up and not believe in the relationship anymore... then its over.

This is what i ask my SO... does he want this relationship?he said firmly YES. Then suck it up and enjoy the ride. We are right going on the down side now.. but i believe we will go up again! I miss him like crazy ohhhh God, its crazy after you met and then separated and then all over again. Emotionally exhausting! but after that night me and my SO somehow getting more stronger! after he open about his fears and i answer i could take Russian lesson, and i am not that dumb that i can not learn how to write in Russian, i had over 5 years exp working and i believe that i will find something that i could do there and hey i could wear 10 clothes at once and winter wont knock me off... he laugh.. we laugh.

Talk it with her, call her. If you want this relationship work, share it with her, don't do it by your self! it took both to run the show. And i will wait longer until i could able to get my Level 2 Russian language course certificate which is took 6 months, and he will take time to settle there in Moscow. But we work it out. By the time he settle i could get fiance visa and i could get work there or anything keep me busy there too.

Maybe this could work with you and Ria. None know the future, and if you think she worth the try...then why not!

Good luck! i really do wish you both will be all right!

---------- Post added at 02:37 PM ---------- Previous post was at 02:37 PM ----------

Sorry to hear all the bad things that happened to you and your SO.

Recently, my SO had to made huge choice to move back to Russia. He used to live in nice country such as USA and Germany where he think its more possible for me to stay..rather than in Russia.. where the weather/temperature could be as cold as -35 on winter, and very rare English.

Right one day before our one year anniversary two week ago, he wanted us to broke up. He said he can not imagine he would drag me into Russia, land where i will be a complete stranger. And also the down side he will get less pay and in Moscow higher living costs. He said would be a very bad future for me, and our future kids.

He said, he will never be married, and this is hurting him so bad. I said, why should be that way?? he said because he feel he failed me. Just the same like your fears he got that fears of living by him self too. And at beginning our relationship he tried to deny his feeling and now he was falling too deep that it broke his heart.

That night when he ask me broke up, he told me everything how he feel, his fears, his thought about us, his feeling about me. One year we had he never told me, he carry this all inside. He never ask me what do i want, what should we do... etc. And i was mad hahah....

Live in Indonesia is hard, true. We earn less than you, true. We had very lame inet speed, true!

Indonesian know how to survive the worse, i believe that. You've been here.. you see how we live.. we complains..but we suck it up. Less money, well we survive with what we had, lame internet?? hehe me and my SO sending snail mail from post office! and its worth the 2 weeks wait between Indonesia and Germany.

Thing is.. how you going to make this work.

You wont always be in trouble with work, and she will get over her grandma issue, and aunt issue. Its normal in here that family matters are everyone matters. But it will get through! I could stand still and be strong if my SO stand still and strong and stop worrying about me!! all the problem in Indonesia made us a stronger person... and i will be ok, and i think so does Ria, your SO.

If you already gave up and not believe in the relationship anymore... then its over.

This is what i ask my SO... does he want this relationship?he said firmly YES. Then suck it up and enjoy the ride. We are right going on the down side now.. but i believe we will go up again! I miss him like crazy ohhhh God, its crazy after you met and then separated and then all over again. Emotionally exhausting! but after that night me and my SO somehow getting more stronger! after he open about his fears and i answer i could take Russian lesson, and i am not that dumb that i can not learn how to write in Russian, i had over 5 years exp working and i believe that i will find something that i could do there and hey i could wear 10 clothes at once and winter wont knock me off... he laugh.. we laugh.

Talk it with her, call her. If you want this relationship work, share it with her, don't do it by your self! it took both to run the show. And i will wait longer until i could able to get my Level 2 Russian language course certificate which is took 6 months, and he will take time to settle there in Moscow. But we work it out. By the time he settle i could get fiance visa and i could get work there or anything keep me busy there too.

Maybe this could work with you and Ria. None know the future, and if you think she worth the try...then why not!

Good luck! i really do wish you both will be all right!