Getting married to close the distance

[ChibiFelicia]

This question i have asked myself a fair few times (mainly during the earlier stages of our relationship). Just a very short introduction im from the uk and he lives in california. Together for over 2years now.
I asked him last night, "if i lived in the states would you think about marrying me now or live together first?" cause for us (and im sure many couples) to close the distance i need to get a visa so i can live with him over there. He replied "i want to be with you and yes maybe if you lived in the states we may not be thinking about marriage but the way we are and how i feel about you i want to make you my woman" (i like him calling me his woman lol)

My brother effectively got a mail order bride and even though i get along with my sister in law i still see her as a visa bride (i dont wanna come across as an ass but the way my brother chose his wife has never set well with me - although its none of my business so i keep it to myself).

We have tentatively planned to get married in the summer of next year and start the CR1 process over the winter

Does anyone else have those kinda feelings? The fact you have to get married to be able to be with your loved one? Ever had the feeling that you may be pushing the marriage issue/visa issue too much? Honestly if we were close distance i dont think i'd be planning so much. But then again if we were close distance we would be living together and possibly even married by now. Ahhhh just the whole LDR thing screws with me a lil (never been in a serious LDR).

[princessmeg1328]

I definitely know how you feel. My SO also lives in the UK and I live in the States. We've been together for over a year now, but we both know we want to be together forever. I feel like the idea of marriage wouldn't be coming up so quickly if we at least lived int he same question. I feel like I'm pushing it more because we are so far apart, and we just want to be together. I keep telling him that it's the only way we can actually be together close distance, but I don't want that to be the reason why we get married. I feel like you do. That if we were close distance, the topic of marriage (or even of getting engaged) wouldn't even be coming up right now because we would be able to spend time with each other in person.

[ChibiFelicia]

thats the thing! I feel exactly the same. I dont want marriage to be a means for us to be together. But ah im kinda over it sometimes i still feel like that i guess but yeah lol its just what we gotta live with right? still i really don t think i'd be bringing up the whole getting engaged thing so often if i didnt have a visa thing hanging over our heads i mean they can take up to a year to do but it works well i wanna save up etc but still

[Zapookie]

Is there any way either of you can get a working holiday visa? That's what my SO is hoping to do. In australia, you can get a working holiday visa for 12 months. Once he's here for a few months, we then plan to apply for an onshore permanent visa for him so that he can stay in the country. We did talk about the marriage visa but we don't feel like we should jump into that just yet. I don't feel like we should do it just for the sake of him being able to stay here. I want us to have time together as a CD couple.

[lucybelle]

I'm all for convenience marriages. Though I might be the only one on this board. If both of you understand that the marriage is for paperwork, then I think it's okay. That being said, getting a visa is in NO WAY a convenience. It's a long, expensive, trying process. There are other ways to close the distance without being married. My SO came to the states on a tourist visa and stayed the full 6 months with me. Now I'm living in his country looking for a job to sponsor me for a work visa. There's plenty of international couples on here that have closed the distance without marriage, and my SO and I are one of them.

[13000km]

We considered doing it if I hadn't gotten accepted into the university here. It would make things easier, it would be on paper only, and we would have gotten married in the future when we were ready. We were aware of the things we had to consider and the process we would have to go through, so continued looking for alternative ways of closing the distance.

[Engel]

how do you choose a mail order bride? just out of curiosity?

[Madge]

My SO and I had the same problem however Nick isn't a US citizen he is a permanent resident which means there is a bigger waiting time. However, I have found a solution which is much better as we would rather marry without the threat of a visa issue hanging over our heads.

So yeah, kinda know the feelings that you are going through. Is there any possible work visa's that you can get to work in the states?

[Semperfikindoflove]

I understand completely, just take your time on making the decision. However, if you two are ready for it, then go for it. It's hard even being married to get a visa from what I've heard. But I'm sure you'll be able to be together soon. Keep your heads up and good luck to the both of you!

[garnet]

Well we could either get married, or stay LD. We couldn't even enjoy the legally allowed visit lengths because of asshats in customs. (Power trip!)
We talked about if we thought we'd be getting married if we lived CD - and it's just impossible to know. This was our situation, it didn't matter what we would do in another. So we did it.

[amackin]

YES totally! I would much rather have the chance to live together and actually get to date in the real world for awhile before marriage. But unfortunately with me in the USA and him in the UK, it is what it is....

[ChibiFelicia]

The work visa thing i looked into way before even thinking about marriage visa i can get it but for a nursing visa and for state of cali it'd take a fair few years.

Had another conversation with my man and he's like why would you bring up the work visa thing again? i'd make you my woman regardless if we were cd or in ldr. So in short he wouldve been thinking about getting married even if there was no visa hanging over our heads.

The mail order bride...in effect he basically saw a load of girls photos then proposed a marriage. They then moved to the uk. I'm a little unsure how its gonna go for em but i know arranged marriage can work out really well but thats all for another thread.

[Minerva]

I figure we'll have to get married to close the distance. We're USA -> England, and both our countries have pretty tight borders. But we'll see. I'm not keen on marriage, but I'm sort of getting there, heh. Not sure what we'd do if we were CD, but I can't rule out marriage...

[LilyChiba]

It's been discussed between me and my SO many times, it being our only true option at this point. He's the one that said he doesn't care if he had to marry me, because he knows I'm the one. I only subtly brought it up as an option in the beginning and he was ok with the idea. Now that we're almost 2 years into the relationship, he has often mentioned how if I was there, we'd already either have a kid or one on the way. That's how serious he is about me, so marriage for the sake of living with him is not an issue to me. I don't really look forward to the wedding anyway. Maybe if my dad was still alive lol.. But yeah, we're ready and quite happy to do so. Just gotta find out what we are getting into when he comes here for a bit next year.

[Riyko]

Just my personal opinion, but i don't agree with getting married just to get a visa. I think you should try other ways of going to the US, the reason i say that because sure you are compatible being long distance, but what happens if after being close distance you realize you aren't compatible or the relationship isn't even what you wanted, then you will be in a marriage you don't want to be in.

Also with your brother having a mail order bride, you think of the visa reason why she did it, in a sense it's the same as what you want to do.