Having doubts--Need advice :(

[sarajoan]

Hi everybody, so this is my first real post so bare with me.

First a little background...
My SO and I have been in an LDR for 2 and a half years because of college. We are about 130 miles away from each other, which isn't that far, but enough to make it difficult. When we first started the LDR we had been dating for a little over a year and the initial separation was so rough on us that we broke up for a month or so, but we decided we were better together and we've been dating ever since.

However lately I've been feeling like he doesn't have enough time for me and when i spoke to him about it he said he was sorry I felt that way and that he was trying the best he could. He is very busy with his major and fraternity and basically said that he didn't want me to settle for a guy who didn't have enough time for me so if i needed to break up with him he would understand. He said he wished he could give me all the time in the world but before he can do that he needs to create a way to make a living for himself so that he can build a family in the future. I definitely don't want to break up but i still sometimes feel like he'd be better off without a girlfriend. Also, i feel like at this point in our relationship i want more, but because we're so young (19 and 20) it isn't really feasible.

The bottom line...
Do you guys ever feel like your SO would be better off without you? Do you ever feel like you want more than you're getting? General advice for me regarding the situation?

Thanks so much!!

[Eric1221]

Awww well I feel like the fact that he said he was sorry about it helps. I mean he said he's trying the best he can. I mean if he's busy with other things-that's just the way it is. Think about it... it won't always be this way. You gotta get through tough times. Point is if he at least tries to make time and at least check in with you than he's making an effort. I mean if you really care about him and he really cares about you than you guys will stay together and you guys will sort out times when you can catch up and connect. He can't be busy 24-7-there's gotta be times when he can catch up with you and talk to you about stuff. If you really feel like you are in need of more i mean you can reconsider the realtionship but after 2 and a half years you've put into this guy I just feel like it'd be a waste to give up especially if you really truly love this guy. I hope that helped somewhat !

[kiara_silver]

Me and my SO have been together for 2 and a half years also. I have never felt that I want more or would be better off. My SO gives me more then I deserve. I mean okay sure I want more as in I want to be with the one I love physically, or want more in that in person, but thats not possible right now. But as far as wanting anyone else or someone better, there is no one. He is amazing and more then I deserve. But I have felt at times he could be better off without me, at my lowest moments..... I think because he's so much more accomplished, and he has so much more going for him, I kind of hold him back? Or he has to carry my weight in the relationship sometimes and does more work, that he deserves so much better than I give him. But I give him all that I have, he has all my love, and so he can take me with what i have to offer or leave me, and im fortunate he thinks im worth it, and im everything to him.

For advice, I say ry to be patient. Sometimes life gets hard and busy and it sounds like he's doing the best he can. I went through a period where we would go days without talking because he was that busy. And yeah these days were hard for me, and i struggled with it, but im glad i never let it break me. But you just have to ask yourself if he is worth the wait.

[ferakin]

i often think we could do more apart!
i think i'd get more involved at uni if i wasnt taken, or he'd get more involved with stuff in his area if he wasn't with me.
but at the same time i know that we'd both be a lot more lonelier apart!

the important (and hard) bit is finding the balance between being together and having your own life.
although distance is really hard, you have to find the silver lining! i struggled to find it at first but lately ive realised what it is:
i am 100% free to focus on my studies here, as he is there. its like being divorced for a few months and newly weds for the next few.
but for us, it works that way!

it's totally normal to feel how you're feeling, but he also has a point.
he needs to make sure HE can have a future (with or without you) just like you do
and if you stay together, youll benefit from it too.