Neglect?

[Veiled_Dreamer]

So it's not like neglect as in going days without any contact, but this is starting to get to me. Of course I don't mind if he does things at the computer other than talking to me. But when he's drawing a picture (he's something of an artist) and he claims he wants to talk too but doesn't respond to my IMs and doesn't tell me he's busy, I feel neglected. This isn't just once or twice: it's like a new habit of his. I've asked him to please just tell me when he's busy so I can give him space to do whatever it is and stop trying to have an active conversation, but he doesn't, he just "ignores" me randomly and later I find out, "oh, I was -insert activity here-. I'm sorry if you felt like I was ignoring you."

It's such a small petty thing, but I feel like it causes unnecessary friction. I can't even tell him I feel ignored because he won't see the IM for like fifteen minutes, and by then I've already given up trying to talk. =/ It doesn't help that we had a small fight today and we briefly made up before we both had to leave to do stuff, and now I'm trying to say that I'm totally over it and sorry, but he's totally silent. I know I'm not his whole world, but I should be important enough for him to at least tell me when he's going to start something else that takes a lot of attention, while we're in the middle of a conversation, right?

*sighs* Again, I really do not want to be the center of attention in his life. But it sort of hurts my feelings when I'm trying to talk to him and ask how he's doing since we haven't had a lot of conversation time of ANY sort lately, much less just webcam or anything, and he does this. I feel like I am so unimportant that it's okay to move onto something else without saying a word to me about how we're done talking for now.

[totalspiffage]

My SO has the same habit. I hate talking to him while he's doing something. He saaaays he wants to talk, but is drawing or watching TV or something. It makes me feel like a 2nd priority. Just tell him how you feel. Trust me, it'll work out. We had a long talk about it.

[Yei&Jon]

Wow, this is exactly what's been happening to me lately. I know just how you feel. Sort of aggravating. :/

[ValadinShadow]

My SO and I actually just had this conversation. And we have had it several times before. I agree, talk about it! Make sure you tell him that you don't need to be the center of attention in his life, but that you do need to have his attention while you are talking. Maybe you should make a set "date" where you guys have a chance to talk and catch up without doing anything else, and then when he disappears during other conversations it isn't quite so bad? Good luck . It is something my SO and I are still working out.

[stargazerlily]

Happens to me, too. it's either you guys talk about it and he changes or you eventually get used to it. Sad reality. *pat *pat

[xsomanymilesx]

ughh i hate that. you feel like you're being really irrational by saying 'only talk to me' and stuff but its how it makes you feel. i surf the web and stuff but when i talk to him its pretty much him only. i guess everyone is different and thats good in a way, i love his laid backnesss - gosh i miss him

[PandorianRose]

This is the exact same thing that's happening with Jason and I. I've tried telling him how I feel, but he says "we talk every day" or "we do an awful lot of talking about not talking." I don't know what else to do. I had written him an email Saturday night explaining how I was feeling and made him a silly video. I thought it would smooth things over, but all it did was start another argument because he doesn't know how we can be more "connected" and that I'm "over-analyzing" things. He said some hurtful things too, and I spent the entire day in agony and then the evening hiding from him. I wanted to talk to him, but I didn't know what to say. So yet again we got into it.

He called me this morning on his way to work to wish me a good day, and I called him back to leave him a sweet voice mail. I wrote him an email asking for him to set time aside for us to talk tonight. I want to clear the air, because it's weighing on me and making me feel like poo (but worse than that!). I don't know what to do. If this attempt doesn't work, do I just let it go for now and show him through my actions what I mean? I don't know. I'm so upset and hurt and confused and just bleh.

[Veiled_Dreamer]

I talked to him when he got back, and he said that he had to help his parents a lot because they really do have trouble getting up stairs and such, since they both have struggled with health problems. I knew that, but is a quick "brb" such a problem? I asked him to try and he said "ok." I hate that word. XD

He is one of those guys that's a total softie underneath but decides to be mellow about it a lot of times, he struggles sometimes with feelings and "isn't good with" love letters. In the aforementioned "small fight", I was telling him about my problems with my parents and he said I talk about them all the time, it frustrates him, gave some kind of harsh suggestions, and recommended I stop IMing him from my phone and get back to the party I was at (where I was sitting with a girl who was doing the exact same thing as me, and for the majority of our (his and my) conversation I had been in the car GOING to the party, not actually there). The phrase he used was something about getting out of "our virtual world" and of course I flipped out on him since even though it came out wrong, it sounded like he was making this into an e-lationship or something. Immediately he started apologizing profusely and basically telling me to please not leave him ("I am so glad I am yours, I have no right to talk to my Jenna that way, I am so sorry") and the turn-of-a-dime change was almost comical, looking back. XD It occurred to me later that he's probably frustrated that there isn't anything he can do to help me out right now. =/ I know I get ticked when I can't help with him problems.

Meh. When we're on webcam and he's multi-tasking, it's a lot less noticeable, the "neglect" thing. This is kind of mean to say but he's not very good at reading, and I type and text really fast, so I think it might overwhelm him sometimes when he's trying to do more than one thing at once. >.>

This is the exact same thing that's happening with Jason and I. I've tried telling him how I feel, but he says "we talk every day" or "we do an awful lot of talking about not talking." I don't know what else to do. I had written him an email Saturday night explaining how I was feeling and made him a silly video. I thought it would smooth things over, but all it did was start another argument because he doesn't know how we can be more "connected" and that I'm "over-analyzing" things. He said some hurtful things too, and I spent the entire day in agony and then the evening hiding from him. I wanted to talk to him, but I didn't know what to say. So yet again we got into it.

He called me this morning on his way to work to wish me a good day, and I called him back to leave him a sweet voice mail. I wrote him an email asking for him to set time aside for us to talk tonight. I want to clear the air, because it's weighing on me and making me feel like poo (but worse than that!). I don't know what to do. If this attempt doesn't work, do I just let it go for now and show him through my actions what I mean? I don't know. I'm so upset and hurt and confused and just bleh.

I think maybe just be straight forward with him and say, look, I want to clear the air between us and this is really bothering me. I don't want to seem like I'm obsessive or overly analytical, but we need to work this out.

[Caitlin2009]

I talked to him when he got back, and he said that he had to help his parents a lot because they really do have trouble getting up stairs and such, since they both have struggled with health problems. I knew that, but is a quick "brb" such a problem? I asked him to try and he said "ok." I hate that word. XD

He is one of those guys that's a total softie underneath but decides to be mellow about it a lot of times, he struggles sometimes with feelings and "isn't good with" love letters. In the aforementioned "small fight", I was telling him about my problems with my parents and he said I talk about them all the time, it frustrates him, gave some kind of harsh suggestions, and recommended I stop IMing him from my phone and get back to the party I was at (where I was sitting with a girl who was doing the exact same thing as me, and for the majority of our (his and my) conversation I had been in the car GOING to the party, not actually there). The phrase he used was something about getting out of "our virtual world" and of course I flipped out on him since even though it came out wrong, it sounded like he was making this into an e-lationship or something. Immediately he started apologizing profusely and basically telling me to please not leave him ("I am so glad I am yours, I have no right to talk to my Jenna that way, I am so sorry") and the turn-of-a-dime change was almost comical, looking back. XD It occurred to me later that he's probably frustrated that there isn't anything he can do to help me out right now. =/ I know I get ticked when I can't help with him problems.

Meh. When we're on webcam and he's multi-tasking, it's a lot less noticeable, the "neglect" thing. This is kind of mean to say but he's not very good at reading, and I type and text really fast, so I think it might overwhelm him sometimes when he's trying to do more than one thing at once. >.>



I think maybe just be straight forward with him and say, look, I want to clear the air between us and this is really bothering me. I don't want to seem like I'm obsessive or overly analytical, but we need to work this out.

ditto to that, you cant keep holding back on him just because your afraid of sounding obsessive or whatever you need to tell whats on your mind! i think thats part of the problem with you two is that you hold back alot!

[lunamea]

Yeah, I get that a lot, too. Sometimes it bothers me more, sometimes less. My husband watches TV a lot while we are on the phone since I usually call during prime time (damn the time difference) and sometimes he's good at listening to me talk while at other times he doesn't listen at all and that's when I get really pissed, too. I told him that I'd rather really talk for 10 mins than pseudo-talk while watching TV for an hour! Now I try to call before he watches TV, that helps somewhat.

I think setting up a schedule for talking/IMing would be best, but you have to be aware that it still doesn't always work. I sometimes think our guys just say that they want to talk because they don't want to hurt us when in reality, they don't really feel like talking... *sigh*

[Richie-Cole]

I'm in a similar situation right now with my SO. I love him to bits, really I do, but sometimes it just really, really frustrates me when I'm trying to have a conversation with him, he'll be silent for a while and then when he does speak he goes "Oh, sorry I was <insertactivityhere>.". It makes me feel like I'm boring him to the point where he'd rather look at other things than actually talk to me. :[

[Mio]

Next time you talk to him ask him seriously to please do that for you!

[Lucy23]

I'm new here, thought it was just me having all these feelings! What I've now realised is I'm not alone & that men just dont seem to have that thought it their head sometimes that us women need their constant undivided attention! Have had a really bad week being in this LDR thing, when I ring my boyfriend he's often on his way to work, or getting ready to go out, or has a mate in the background that keeps interupting him, its hard when I look forward to that phonecall, it excites me the whole day thinking I can call him when I get off work, but when we talk & he's not "all there" I feel deflated & like its not worth it. The irrational demanding woman in me wants his full complete attention at all times, but our seperate lives now cant let me have my own way!! We had a lonnnnnnggg chat yesterday about it & I hope things will get better. This is killing me though & I often wonder if its worth this heartache, if it would be easier to let him go & deal with it on my own?

***biiggg sigghhh***

[Insanity]

I know how that feels at times, I guess just talk to him about it.
I find the time difference makes things difficult and I can be paranoid.

[BJL_Sweetheart1109]

Being straight forward is your best bet.

We get in these sort of moods some times. I cope with it fine some times, but there are those times that it's just harder to deal with. During these times I need to talk more. The SO on the other hand would just rather play his game and zone out....not think about it. idk that's something to think about.

But maybe he's just busy. And as for the text at the party I think he just meant he doesn't want you just sitting around all day IMing him....he wants you to do stuff too. Hope it works out.