I don't really know what to think...

[Eric1221]

I left him guys !!

If my partner disrespected me even once the way yours has, I'd be gone. But he never would, because my partner respects and loves me.

Your SO is not being sarcastic, he's not in a bad mood, he's not any of the things you're trying to hang an excuse on. He's an abusive jerk, and what he's doing to you is a mild form of what's called "gaslighting", which is when someone tries to convince you that despite all the evidence to the contrary, there's no problem except that you're crazy and overreacting. That shit will WARP you. It's a subtle, insidious tool used by abusers to shift the blame to their victim, to destabilize them, to have them question what they've done wrong instead of questioning the behaviour of the abuser.

This will not get better because your partner sees nothing wrong with his behaviour. He's blaming you for everything. People who refuse take ownership of their foul, abusive tempers and who think everyone else is the problem will never change.

You are not the problem. This man is abusive. It will not get better. The abuse will likely escalate. Stop accepting and parroting back his excuses. Have more respect for yourself than he has for you and don't put up with this abuse any longer.

Leave him.

[Malaga]

You shouldn't let anyone talk to you like that. There's never an excuse to call you names. He's downright bullying you. He's showing abusive tendencies and I wouldn't stick around to find out what else he's capable of.

Also, sometimes people ask questions to which they know the answer but they ask for conversation purposes, to prompt the other person to talk about it. There's nothing ******ed about that.

I personally can't stand people who use sarcasm as a means of communication. Whether they are really being sarcastic or not, sarcasm is usually used to undermine what someone is talking about. I feel like its unnecessary in conversation unless it really is used jokingly. When someone is really sarcastic ALL the time, and I mean ALL THE TIME, to me it feels like they're trying to cover up for something that's lacking. It comes off as rude and snarky, and no one likes that.

Exactly.

[Rugger]

I think you need to leave. I don't care if it's sarcasm. What he said to you is not right. You should not take that kind of disrespect from anyone, let alone your SO

[Engel]

I would never be with someone that treat me like shit as your SO did to you, i usually dont like to give such advices, but if he treats you like that often, and this wasnt a one time thing, leave him, run away, as fast as you can.

[Zapookie]

I personally can't stand people who use sarcasm as a means of communication. Whether they are really being sarcastic or not, sarcasm is usually used to undermine what someone is talking about. I feel like its unnecessary in conversation unless it really is used jokingly. When someone is really sarcastic ALL the time, and I mean ALL THE TIME, to me it feels like they're trying to cover up for something that's lacking. It comes off as rude and snarky, and no one likes that.

To be honest, I don't know why you're still with him. He doesn't talk to you or seem to treat you with respect. You deserve to be spoken to as an equal. Because that's what we are. No one is better than any one else. And yes, everyone has their unique individual flaws, some might even consider a personality trait, but there comes a point where it isn't healthy and things need to change.

[Bethypoo]

I dont think that you did anything wrong. He had a serious over reaction to your question. And saying the things that he did were rude and uncalled for and disrespectful. I mean we all make jokes at times but if he was really saying that stuff then you have a problem on your hands. Its emotional abuse and it is not something that you should stand for.

Talk to him. See what was really up. And if he thinks he did nothing wrong or it continues to happen, then you really need to reassess things. Thats not right.

[Eric1221]

you are right.. Like i said I'm going to look out for it more becuz wen were in person it's never like this at all.. I haven't seen him since october 9th and all the problems that have occured have happened through text message because at the moment we cant talk on the fone or use oovoo because his uncle is bothering him about stuff. I understand wat ur saying though he shouldn't have been sarcastic about that. I'm going to see how things go because i can understand if he was trying to be really sarcastic BUT you are right ! He should not have been sarcastic about that anyways ! And the fact that he never said it is right.. he should have just said it. im gonna ask him again because im curious why if he was being sarcastic than why didnt he just say it. YOU ARE RIGHT !! But I'm going to try 2 be positive and see how things unfold because I should be seeing him middle of this month and I'll see how things go in person because he never acts like that in person.

ALSO: I have never told him that he will lose me before. After he said what he said tonite was the first time i ever said that 2 him. A part of me really does feel like what he said was meant 2 be sarcastic but he's not really that mentally mature in some ways to understand that what he said wasn't right..so I made a point of saying everything i felt. I did not hold back at all. Like I said I am not a doormat and he won't treat me that way in a serious way or else I will leave him definitely..

[Haley53]

And that means it's okay?

My father was an extremely verbally abusive man. His vice? Sarcasm. His go-to excuse? Sarcasm. If he said something that made my sister or I cry when we were children, and we ran and acted like "babies" and "tattled on him to mom," then he would try and defend it with that he was kidding. He was only playing. We had to stop being babies, stop being sensitive, etc. Through our teenage years, when we were mandated to see him and not old enough to make our own decisions about it according to the courts, the sarcasm was just as bad, only we both had learned sharpness of the tongue to where we could give him a taste of his own medicine. If he got upset/angry/insulted? "It's sarcasm." Let me tell you, a lot of it never was. To me, sarcasm is something that should be used humourously, and if it's used sharply, it should be rare and on occasion because we all lose our cool sometimes; to me, sarcasm is not a weapon. What he said was not funny, it is not something that should be passed off as sarcasm, and in my opinion, he's trying to bullshit himself out of the situation so it again becomes your fault and not his. It is verbal abuse, "sarcasm" or not, and the fact he never defended it before things got out of hand only leads to more evidence of his bullshitting in my mind.

EDIT --

but i always say how I feel and make a point that he'll lose me if he doesn't change so he'll pick his act up.

My question is why hasn't it? I don't mean to attack anyone here, but the more you forgive his behaviour, the more he'll see it as something he can get away with. The more you tell him he'll lose you if he doesn't shape up, it's going to become nothing more than an empty threat. Don't say it if you aren't prepared to leave the next word of abuse that comes out his mouth, or it's never going to stop.

[Eric1221]

I understand wat ur saying i let him kno all my feelings that im considering breaking it off with u if u continue 2 treat me that way and that im not a doormat i deserve respect and if u cant give me that than i can't be with u. and he said ok i understand im going 2 try 2 be nice. Honestly ive hung out with him be4 and he is really sarcastic type of person but Im going to let it go 4 rite now but if he says something like that again in person and i dont like the way it sounds than im going 2 rip into him. I kno that it sounds like im being beat right now but i always say how I feel and make a point that he'll lose me if he doesn't change so he'll pick his act up. If he doesn't than I'm leaving him. I can understand the sarcasm because sumtimes i do say mean things 2 ppl in a sarcastic way but only in person i do that kind of stuff so i can say im kidding and i dont say ******. I told him that is unecessary on its own

[rivi87]

I'm Sorry, but being a complete inapropriate asshole and being sarcastic are two different things..What he said was not right in any context. It's up to you to make your judgement but thats mine. This is how I phrased it to my friend (who has kids). I asked her if her daughter's future husband was speaking like this to her, how would you feel?

[Eric1221]

he just told me that he was being sarcastic the whole time. we were texting the whole time during this fight and I KNEW that shit was going to happen !!!!!!!!! He really is the sarcastic type but he never said it during the whole conflict -______________-

[rivi87]

First off..50 pushups 45 situps are not something to brag about...thats failing for guys (I did better than that before my surgery). What he said to you was rude and I definitely wouldnt stand for it. I am doubting you are in the military so you are not versed in the PT test and such. I know when Mitch talks to me about military things i know if I wasnt in the military I would not understand.

Second, The fact he was knocking your intelligence should never happen (not to mention talking about how ******s are smarter than you is inapropriate and uncalled for.)

I have a friend here whose husband was doing that recently and I could not listen to him verbally abuse her.(Yes thats verbal abuse) He made her cryand it hurt me. I told him how disrespectful he was being to her and handled the situation. No girl deserves to be talked to like that

On another note if there is something you are unsure about in regards to the military, I am fairly knowledgable and can answer your questions. If not, I will find the answers then tell you. Hope things get better I wish you nothing but the best.

Ouch...honestly, this borders on emotional abuse. I know because I've been emotionally abused, and one of the things he used to say was, "You are such a f*cking ******!"

What people don't take into consideration is that when someone says that to you over and over and over, you begin to believe it.

I would do as others have suggested, and have a very serious talk with him, draw some boundaries, and keep an eye on his behavior in the future. Emotional abuse is very damaging, and the effects last a very long time...it's not something to mess around with.

[floridaellen]

It's so rude that he said that. Especially because the word '******' is completely offensive. I'd have a serious talk with him. My SO said something like that jokingly once and it caused a lot of issues.