Broken up :(

[gflatsxo]

So my SO and I were together for almost 2 years... We were Long distance for about 6 months and then he came to visit me and I went back to Australia with him... We had our tough times in Australia because his mother and I clashed over certain things, but we got through it and things seemed better when moved out with his friend to an apartment. We still had some fights, but that was normal. Things were better. I started school, he started working full time so we didn't have much time off, so the time that we did have off we spent together... My first semester of school was a blur ebcause we were both so busy, but we made it work. Then during my second semester I started questioning if I really wanted to become a teacher and I got really stressed out which put stress on our relationship. We were fighting more and I was more easily upset. Now I know I shouldn't have taken it out on him, but he was really the only family/rock I had in Australia because my family was back in MA. Then he got stressed about work and about everyone trying to tell him what to do with his life... He started talking about breaking up with me so I could be happier and go back to America to be with my family, which made me say to him that I was happier there with him than I would with my family without him and I promised to work on my depression, which had been acting up at the time, and to try and be show that I was happy there... A couple of days later I asked him if he was thinking of breaking up with me and he said of course not, how could I think that... So I let it go. Then 3 weeks ago on Tuesday he was acting very distant and strange... he was less talkative and wasn't very affectionate. That night when we went to bed, I asked him if he had thought of breaking up with me before when we were going through one of our rough patches before and he said no, so I asked why he was thinking of breaking up with me recently and he dropped the bomb. "I don't think I want to be with you anymore." Hearing those words killed me. I was hysterical... I called my mom and we talked for a bit and he kept saying he was sorry. I asked if we could try taking a break and I would move out to a friend's house and we could have space and he said he didn't believe in breaks. So we were broken up... He seemed very confused as to why he was breaking up with me... He wasn't happy in our relationship, he still loved me, he didn't love me as much, he wasn't unhappy but he wasn't happy, he still loved me... I had to spend 2 weeks in Sydney while I waiting for my final exam to finish my course at uni... I spent the first couple of days at the house with him and then I decided to move out to a friend's house, but it was harder being there so I decided to move back to the house we shared with 2 of his friends, but then it was just awkward... so I moved to his mom's house... We saw each other every couple of days, but as the days went on we started fighting more. On the last Friday I was there I went out with friends one last time to go drinking and hit our favorite club. I got home to our house at 3 am and he was no where to be found... Now I was pretty drunk and so I called him and he said he was at the hospital with his friend who was sick, so I decided to go even though he told me not to (I don't remember him saying this.) I grabbed some pajama pants and his phone charger and my roommate called a taxi for me and off I went. I got there and he wanted nothing to do with me so I gave him his stuff and left... I guess on the way out I said "What an asshole" which I don't remember... but then I got home and went to sleep. He came home the next morning to get some stuff and we talked about what had happened and then he went on his way. That night I went to his mom's house and she and I talked a lot and she was pretty harsh with what she was telling me... and it really hurt... He called me and talked me down from crying and we decided on meeting on Sunday for lunch and then spending Monday, my last day in Sydney, together... So we met up on Sunday and it wasn't too bad... Monday we hung out and emotions were running high so we got into a couple of fights, but we spent our last night in our house and then I got ready to go on Tuesday. He never cried at the airport... I was a mess... Asking him not to make me leave, he said I had to.... it'd be easier on the both of us... So off I went. Things have been easier here, but I still miss him and it's hard not to talk to him. I want him back, but the ball is in his court... I promised I wouldn't talk to him for a couple of months, but I don't know if I will make it...

I just want to get back together with him.

[Bethypoo]

Just give him some space. I think you both made some mistakes. But I think you need your space to. I know it is hard but you do not want to be a clingy girl. Its just not attractive to a guy or to read and in some ways that is how this post came off. Going to the hospital while drunk, bad idea. Times like that are times were you needed to give him space.

You guys should have talked things out a long time ago. But coulda woulda shoulda doesnt make a difference, you are where you are. Just give it some time and then at a certain point, where you have come to find where you made your mistakes maybe give him a call. Ask to talk. But you cant beat it into him. Just because he didnt cry at the airport doesnt mean he wasnt sad. He probably had just as many emotions as you but just didnt have a clue what to think at that moment. Just breath. Give yourself some time and then go from there.

[Engel]

that is really sad, but do you really want to be with someone that just doesnt want to be with you? maybe he thinks that because you were having a lot of fights, try to work on your issues, the ones you had as a couplem and show him that. i dont know what else to say. *hugs*

[Mara]

*hugs* I'm so sorry. I think from his standpoint though, things are over. I could be wrong, but it sounds like he fell out of love with you. I know it's hard to hear and I know it's even harder to understand, but sometimes relationships end for no good reason besides one person just isn't in love anymore.

If you feel the need to talk to him, do so, but prepared in case what he says isn't what you want to hear.

[gflatsxo]

It's just hard because he went from talking about engagement rings one week to breaking up with me the next...

I know we both made mistakes, but idk I just miss him so much and I am finally giving him the time and space that we both need.

[LuvSsw]

As I am going through my own recent heartache..i'm not good with advice. But I want to send you **Big Hugs**

[Biddlybiddlybombop]

I think at the moment, you're so broken up over this that you can't see how the space can be a good thing for you too. It'll give you time to rebuild yourself so you're strong enough to hear what he has to say.
Keep working on healing yourself. Take as much time as you need, but resist the urges to contact him, as strong as they may be.
The first guy who ever broke my heart, I tried not contacting him. I would think to myself "I've managed two minutes, I can manage another minute", and then "I've managed an hour, I can manage two hours", and then "I've managed a week, I can manage two weeks..."
It's because you're so used to talking to him. You particularly notice NOT talking to him. Just keep going. One day it won't seem weird not to any more.
And when you DO feel strong enough to handle any more pain that might be coming your way, you might want to write a list of questions you want to know the answers to, but like everyone's said so far. Be prepared for the fact that it might not be what you want to hear.
Stay strong. We're all behind you. x

[gflatsxo]

Thanks to all who have commented! I really appreciate all the support and all the constructive criticism. I do plan on giving him time and space because I need it as well to figure myself out and to figure out what I want to do with my own life. I go back and forth in thinking about him, but I do know that I want to take time for myself before contacting him... I have been writing letters to him and sending them to my own home address because it makes me feel like I am talknig to him, but I'm not... so it's a good way of helping me I can get my frustration out, but it still gives him the space and me the space.

I'll keep updating how everything is going. It feels good to have a community where I can go to to feel supported and surrounded by people who have gone through what I am going through because many people don't understand why I am reacting the way I am reacting... I know I was clingy while I was still there but that was because it was me trying to get the last of my time out of being there with him... which he didn't react well to, but I wouldn't change it because it was what I thought was best for me at the time... and yes I would change the hospital thing but that is one thing that I did on a bad night and if he holds a grudge for that then he's not worth my time.

[uniquefem]

*hugs* sorry to hear this.. and i think you're doing good on reflecting things that just happens to you and not just blame one side only.. you're pretty mature on this and... i do hope the best for you!

[Jgui]

im so sorry to hear.. ***HUGGSSS*** just as Bethypoo mentioned, you both made mistakes and not one single person is to blame here. I think it's best you both spend some time apart and reflect on the relationship. Try to figure out where and what went wrong and if there is a chance of you two being together again in the future you'll know what mistakes were made the 1st time around.

I'm going to say something and it might hurt your feelings but it's something to think about.. when you said "He seemed very confused as to why he was breaking up with me... He wasn't happy in our relationship, he still loved me, he didn't love me as much, he wasn't unhappy but he wasn't happy, he still loved me..." when 2 person have been together for a long period of time things get comfortable and are afraid of changes in the relationship. It is hard to move away from something we're so familiar with. He may be still love you but just not in love with you. The relationship to him isn't perfect but it also wasn't great. Of course these are my assumptions but I'm just offering you the flip side of things.

Your situation now is fairly similar to my relationship i had with my ex-boyfriend of 5.5 years.. we've lived together the whole time we were dating and talked about starting a family of our own soon. We talked about getting engage in 2 years (which would have been 2011) and tying the knot 2 years after our engagement. It sound so perfect but the problem was we were always arguing over the smallest things. We were both stressed out and drained from the relationship but neither of us wanted to bring up the words"its over" we dragged it out and eventually all hell broke lose right before Christmas of 2009 and we end it.

My point is, it wasn't until after we broke up and cut all contacts that i realize i loved him but i wasn't in love with him anymore. I was so comfortable being with him because of how long our relationship was that i was afraid to let it go. I was afraid that i wouldn't find another person who'll make me feel as comfortable as he did. Eventually i did and i'm happy i got out of that relationship.

Sorry got rambling on... give yourself some time and reflect on what has happened. Step outside of the box and look at your relationship with your SO from the outside as a whole new person.

Best of wishes to you and i hope things will work itself out