She says a LDR is not a relationship?

[AJP]

I met a lady whilst holidaying in August last year in US. I am from New Zealand. We communicated via email, SMS, telephone calls, and in that time I have visited twice, and she has visited once.

She says what we have is not a relationship. We don't not have the day to day contact, and when we do see each other it is intense. I have feelings for her, and she says she has feelings for me, but I am in a quandry. I do want a future with this lady, and I feel after 1000's of emails, SMS and thousands in telephone calls, I know the type of person she is! We have the same values, interests and she is a very special person.

I can travel regularly, and the costs are not the problem.

Is a LDR a relationship? Any advice would be appreciated.

Thanks

[Lissy]

Of course a long-distance relationship is a relationship...it says so right in the name!

Every member of this forum can tell you that the relationships we have with our partners are not lesser because of the distance. When you care deeply for someone and make them a priority in your life, the distant doesn't matter as much. You'll learn how to make your relationship work with and despite the miles between you. The long term goal of a LDR, in my opinion, is to one day not be long-distance anymore, and that's a very real possibility when both people make it a priority and work toward the goal of living in the same place.

But if this woman is not interested in a relationship with you because of the distance, then there's really not much you can do to change her mind. LDRs are certainly not for everyone, and that's okay, but unless you can convince her to think otherwise, you're in a tough spot. There's the possibility of moving to where she lives to build a relationship with her, but would you really want to uproot your life and make that big a step if you're unsure of where you stand with her? Maybe your frequent traveling to her can persuade her to give it a shot, but no matter how compatible you two are, it won't work unless she's willing to be just as invested as you are.

Good luck!

[Sierra]

yes, a LDR is a relationship, but the other person has to want it too.

[Sharon Q]

Of course it is. You two just need to treat it like one, talk daily. Webcam, send her something special on occasion.

[snow_girl]

yes, a LDR is a relationship, but the other person has to want it too.

Agreed. It is a relationship, but if the other person doesn't believe so then it won't do much good.

[Minerva]

Point her to this community and we'll set her straight. =)

It is a relationship, but you both have to agree that it's one, otherwise someone could be in a world of hurt.

[Bethypoo]

ummmm... yea. See all of us here are all in RELATIONSHIP and they are all from a distance. Therefore, you can be in a relationship while not in the same place.

I think if she is saying that it isnt, then she isnt up to the work that a LDR requires and admittedly it is not for everyone. And even for those of us in an LDR it obviously isnt our first choice but we do it because it is what we have to do. Anyway, it could be that she is scared but idk, it just seems like an excuse.

Direct her to this website there are plenty of us who have been in relationships for a while and they are happy, loving and successful.

[msskunk]

Yes, it's LDR, but both parties must walk to the same direction.

[Oregongirl]

I haven't even met my SO in person yet and we consider ourselves to be in a serious relationship.It really sounds like she is on a different page than you are concerning things.

[xAngelx]

a LDR is a relationship just you and your SO have to agree with it.

[AJP]

Thanks everyone!!

[Moon]

I think some people are a little more careful with relationships in general. Because you're LDR, it might take her longer than most before she feels she knows you well enough and is comfortable in calling it an actual relationship. My guy was like that...drove me nuts After some time though, everything just fell into place. Just be a bit patient with her, give it a few more months at least, and it'll slowly progress to where you want. Good luck!

[Jgui]

a LDR is consider a relationship if both parties agree on it.

[Miramaid]

I did not read the comments. LDR is a relationship BUT only if people plan to close the distance. Otherwise, it is friendship. One of you will have to move to the other if you want it to be a real relationship

[Moon]

I did not read the comments. LDR is a relationship BUT only if people plan to close the distance. Otherwise, it is friendship. One of you will have to move to the other if you want it to be a real relationship

Wow, that's an extraordinarily narrow-minded comment. Do you mind explaining that further? When you first start a CD relationship, you don't automatically plan your wedding, do you? You need to explore a relationship to make sure it's right before deciding to close the distance, which I'd hardly consider a mere friendship while you're doing that, that's when you fall in love. I resent the implication that if you're not jumping into moving, you don't have a "real" relationship. LDR people get enough of that crap from outsiders.