She says a LDR is not a relationship?

[maja_marky]

LDR means long distance relationship, so it is a relationship, only if u and ur SO agree and can cope up with all the difficulties to maintain such relationship...and most of all it is a relationship if you and your SO commit with each other no matter what the distance is...

[uniquefem]

I met my BF while traveling to Macau a year ago. I am from Indonesia and he's from Germany. We keep in touch with mails, phone calls, skype.. sms.. anything..

I consider this as a relationship, as we BOTH commit to it. We care about each other and miss each other too. Its not something that you could push. If she don't feel it then... its not a relationship... long distance or not it took two people to make it happens.

[roosie]

I agree with everyone and I don't have much to add but it sounds to me that she is not very familiar with the whole concept and that's why she is so skeptical about it. Maybe she hasn't really met anyone in a successful LDR? If the comments she has heard about LDRs have been mostly negative (like they so often are) she might find it hard to believe they ever work. When me and my SO started dating I didn't know anyone else in a similar situation and I had some doubts as well because we live thousands of miles away from each other. I'm glad I came here and realized it was more common than I had thought and it was also possible to make it work. Like others suggested, you should show her this site to give her some proof that you can make it work, if you are both just willing to try.

[Malaga]

I did not read the comments. LDR is a relationship BUT only if people plan to close the distance. Otherwise, it is friendship. One of you will have to move to the other if you want it to be a real relationship

So if a relationship didn't result in living together, it was never a relationship?

[Miramaid]

Wow, that's an extraordinarily narrow-minded comment. Do you mind explaining that further? When you first start a CD relationship, you don't automatically plan your wedding, do you? You need to explore a relationship to make sure it's right before deciding to close the distance, which I'd hardly consider a mere friendship while you're doing that, that's when you fall in love. I resent the implication that if you're not jumping into moving, you don't have a "real" relationship. LDR people get enough of that crap from outsiders.

Sure I do not mind to elaborate on that.
I do not mean to preach or point fingers, but those of you who have been married before and who are a bit older are understandably not looking to jump into another marriage. But lets face it, many of us are younger and do want to have a family and children. I am one of those people. And excuse me, there is no way to have it living in two different places for the rest of my and my SO's life. Of course you do not jump into marriage right away, but after some time, it is normal and expected to have that conversation and a PLAN how and when two people can be together. And it is great if you already have kids and do not necessarily plan to have more and can wait years to close the distance - that is great. But what if you are simply not in that position? Can you blame someone for wanting to close the distance? Coz if there is no such a plan then talking on a phone and skyping sounds more like a great friendship. Lack of intimacy (or a total absence of it) and yes I mean the physical intimacy plus no plan to close the distance and settling for having LDR for years and years or even forever, may (and i want to stress MAY) be ok with some people, but it will not work for many and I do not blame those who say that LDR is not a relationship. It really is not for many people UNLESS there is a plan to close the distance.

So yeah if the question is if you can call it "relationship", sure you can! You also have a "relationship" with you mom, friend, other relatives and even enemies. All those are "relationships", but when I say a "relationship" between a man and a woman (or gay couples), and more than that if i say "serious relationship" I assume that it means people want to be together forever through thick and thin, have family together and take care of each other when they are old. Can you have that in LDR? Yes, but VERY limited. That is why i think what i think and I do not mean to force my opinion on anyone. You all can have your own.

I did not ever say "JUMP into moving", but I said "have a plan to close the distance". Those are two VERY different things.

[Dziubka]

I understand what you say, Miramaid, but I don't think it justifies the "LDR's without a closing the distance plan are not relationship"-statement.

What about all the people who have to be away from their spouses for long periods of time? Sailors, Truck drivers, people who work in development aid places? Or is that ok, because once they retire they close the distance?
What about a couple that can't close the distance, because of their jobs, children, whatever? Obviously two people who love each other want to be together and take care of each other (family's not everyone's dream, y'know?!), but sometimes it's just not possible to live together permamnently.

LDRs are not only talking on the phone and skype. There are also visits... and in the end (for me anyway) the difference between a great friendship and a relationship (the romantic type) is romantic love (I 'love' some of my friends and my mum and my brother, but it's very different to how I love my boyfriend) and the want of physical intimacy. Not whether or not you eventually plan to live together.
I know some people who are very happy in weekend or every-other-weekend-relationships and don't plan to change anything about that. While it isn't for me, I wouldn't say that that was no relationship....

[Miramaid]

I understand what you say, Miramaid, but I don't think it justifies the "LDR's without a closing the distance plan are not relationship"-statement.

What about all the people who have to be away from their spouses for long periods of time? Sailors, Truck drivers, people who work in development aid places? Or is that ok, because once they retire they close the distance?
What about a couple that can't close the distance, because of their jobs, children, whatever? Obviously two people who love each other want to be together and take care of each other (family's not everyone's dream, y'know?!), but sometimes it's just not possible to live together permamnently.

LDRs are not only talking on the phone and skype. There are also visits... and in the end (for me anyway) the difference between a great friendship and a relationship (the romantic type) is romantic love (I 'love' some of my friends and my mum and my brother, but it's very different to how I love my boyfriend) and the want of physical intimacy. Not whether or not you eventually plan to live together.
I know some people who are very happy in weekend or every-other-weekend-relationships and don't plan to change anything about that. While it isn't for me, I wouldn't say that that was no relationship....

I know that having a family is not everyone's dream and I did mention that. I also mentioned that some people are ok with being long distance all their life and if it works for them - great. But I am pretty sure that there are not many of people like that.
Sailors, trackers and soldiers come home to YOU and your children every time they are not at work. And yes they retire and if u are married you may often be able to go with them if they have to be some place for a long period of time (soldiers who are deployed to Europe or other non-war zone are allowed to take their families).

But that is not the point, the point is that if for some people it works, for others it is not and I can not blame people who think that this is not a relationship.