New LDR - Need Advice

[Turtle]

Hello all, first post here as I am new to the forums and also new to my LDR. Here's my backstory...

In 2010 I decided I needed to get away so the logical decision at the time was to fly from my home in Canada to Africa and volunteer in an orphanage for 3 months. It was an amazing time and I loved every minute of it. While there, the neighbour of the house where I lived and I kinda had a thing but it wasn't to serious. So that was all fine, I left and came home and missed everything about Africa. So I decided I needed to go back there. Me and this guy talked on and off during the whole time I was back home. I was back for 2 months this year, August and September.

I went back not knowing what exactly to expect with regards to him. I was just going to let whatever was going to happen, happen. And so after a few weeks, several discussions and an argument or two, (both long stories), we decided to become serious. We had a great last month together and I absolutly didn't want to come back home. And I actually had the thought that I could just stay for a while longer. But decided against it (family back home would definatly not be happy). So I've been back home for just over a month and me and my BF talk on the phone several times a week. My parents think I'm crazy. My brother isn't sure what to think.

This is what I need advice on, for the past month being home I have not truly been happy at all, and that's all in regards to being so far away from my BF (or SO is what you guys apparently use here). I have been close to tears on most days, and had tears several times.How do you guys deal with it? I really don't know when I can get back to see him and that part sucks.

Also, my parents aren't really that happy with it. The other day while watching tv (Big Bang Theory if you must know) the situation on the episode was about cheating while in a LDR, my mom looked at me and said "well you could just cheat on him." I couldn't believe her, I just started and didn't know what to think or say. There has also been other times where she said, maybe you'll find someone here and fall in love here. It gets frustrating, I don't know what to say to her to make her realize that I don't want to find someone else here. What should I do? Should I ignore her or try to explain (I've tried and it hasn't worked to well in the past)?

I also posted on here to just get this off my chest. The friends I've talked to are supportive, but due to university they are further away and I can't talk to them how often I want. And also they don't really understand, because there all either single (most of them are). Or their SO is either living with them or really close. I don't know anyone in a LDR and don't know who to talk to.

[uniquefem]

First of all... *hugs*

Well you need to take a deep breathe and at ease! you sound very depressed with your relationship.. and its a new one! when we're on an LDR we have to toughen our self with the "suck it up" words (that i kept telling to my self).

Most of people think that LDR is not a relationship and think its a stupidity. It seemed pretty common.

That's why you need the "suck it up" attitude. Whenever anyone told you negative things about your relationship, you need to not mind it! and like i said "suck it up" this is your choice, and no one push this relationship to you. You want this because you BELIEVE this would made you feel happy.

So no matter what this is your choice and should bare all the consequence that follows the LDR including the loneliness, the missing part, loosing contact or miss communications, and the part where people talk about your relationship ETC.

If you think this is worth all the sadness and all of the bad talk about it, then hang in there. If you believe this is your happiness, if there are people who just not understand about it then smile for them say thanks for their concern or may be just joke and said to them well yeah whatever!

Be happy about it, or its going to be a rough ride for you especially when you don't know when you will see him again! be strong and keep focus!

Most of girls in here doing the same thing to you, nothing is impossible, not when you're trying your best! don't do things that you will regret later and say "ohh i shouldn't broke up with him, and i am not even trying!" that's saaaaddd!

Keep your self busy, and please stop feel sorry for your self. Don't made others (family and friends) does have reason to feel sorry for you because you keep crying and seemed you can not handle the pressure of LDR.

Focus on how you could meet up with him again, how to get there. Go out with your friends have fun, and you could share this with your SO too. Stop building walls with other people, even in close distance relationship you should have time with your friends too, and do normal thing such work etc. Keep your self busy, thats the point of all!

Be happy! good luck!

---------- Post added at 02:00 PM ---------- Previous post was at 02:00 PM ----------

First of all... *hugs*

Well you need to take a deep breathe and at ease! you sound very depressed with your relationship.. and its a new one! when we're on an LDR we have to toughen our self with the "suck it up" words (that i kept telling to my self).

Most of people think that LDR is not a relationship and think its a stupidity. It seemed pretty common.

That's why you need the "suck it up" attitude. Whenever anyone told you negative things about your relationship, you need to not mind it! and like i said "suck it up" this is your choice, and no one push this relationship to you. You want this because you BELIEVE this would made you feel happy.

So no matter what this is your choice and should bare all the consequence that follows the LDR including the loneliness, the missing part, loosing contact or miss communications, and the part where people talk about your relationship ETC.

If you think this is worth all the sadness and all of the bad talk about it, then hang in there. If you believe this is your happiness, if there are people who just not understand about it then smile for them say thanks for their concern or may be just joke and said to them well yeah whatever!

Be happy about it, or its going to be a rough ride for you especially when you don't know when you will see him again! be strong and keep focus!

Most of girls in here doing the same thing to you, nothing is impossible, not when you're trying your best! don't do things that you will regret later and say "ohh i shouldn't broke up with him, and i am not even trying!" that's saaaaddd!

Keep your self busy, and please stop feel sorry for your self. Don't made others (family and friends) does have reason to feel sorry for you because you keep crying and seemed you can not handle the pressure of LDR.

Focus on how you could meet up with him again, how to get there. Go out with your friends have fun, and you could share this with your SO too. Stop building walls with other people, even in close distance relationship you should have time with your friends too, and do normal thing such work etc. Keep your self busy, thats the point of all!

Be happy! good luck!

[kittyo9]

I think, firstly, you need to take a step back. You're being very emotional about it and every one of us understands the kind of pressure and emotion you feel when you're apart from your partner. However, being so upset about it is not conducive to your relationship. What you can instead focus on is planning your next visit (you to him? him to you?) and enjoying the time you get to spend together on the phone or internet or whatever medium you choose. Some days it all gets to you and you will cry, but for the rest of it, there is no use in making yourself miserable. You can choose to rejoice in your relationship, or you can choose to be miserable in your separation. You will get used to it as time goes on. It doesn't get easier, but you get stronger.

It sucks when you don't have the support from your family. I know. I've struggled with my mom for half a year now trying to gain her support for my relationship. We're getting better, but it's not 100%. It might be that they just don't understand it. One thing you might do is have a discussion wherein you ask them why they don't treat your relationship like a real one and you explain to them when they answer that it is a very real, very serious relationship and you have no intention of leaving it, cheating on it, or otherwise. No matter how many buts they give you, you have to be adamant. If, in the end, they still don't understand, don't waste your time on it any more. Continue on in your happy relationship. They will later see what you were talking about.

[Bethypoo]

Welcome to LFAD first of all and you have come to the right place for a friend and you will get many of them here

Alright, I think that you just need to take a minute. You are still reacting to the distance and that is the hardest part. Most of us, after spending a long time with out SO, have a hard time adjusting to going back to being "alone". I think you are still at that stage and need to adjust to going back into your normal life. You are going to think about it everyday, but you really just need to stay busy and try to continue with life. You are lucky that with that distance you get to talk as much as you do.

As for you parents, saying stuff like that is ridiculous. I understand their skepticism, a lot of parents feel the same way especially when it is bicentennial (I know this from talking to people here not really from personal experience. My BF and I have known each other for years and got together over last new years and the distance is due to college and eventually military.) Hard as it may be ignore them. They dont understand and arent making it any easier. Let them know that.

This is all new for you. Both the relationship and the LD part of it. So just take minute to look around the forum. Honestly there are threads for everything and you may find both ideas and prospective. Feel free to PM me for anything you need.

[Turtle]

Thanks guys, reading that all actually really helped. I'm really glad I found this site.