When natural curiousity gets the better of you.

[Richie-Cole]

Ok, so ... I'm in a kinda interesting situation right now. My boyfriend recently showed me a photo of his bestfriend of several years (we'd spoken about him a fair bit in the past). Now, that's not the problem. The problem is - out of a desire to get to know more about my boyfriend, I thought maybe I could chat to his best friend some. Seems logical, right? When I've asked him to pass my e-mail address on in the past he's been reluctant to do so, stating he wasn't sure how his friend would react to the idea. Then, out of curiousity, I did a search on facebook for his friend and came across a profile with someone who not only shares the same name as his bestfriend but has someone added with the same name as his best friends brother. So, casually, I decided to ask my boyfriend if his bestfriend had a facebook profile ... and he said no.

Now, here's my dilemma - do I message the friend on facebook, see if it's the same person and risk my boyfriend getting the wrong idea or do I leave it well enough alone and let my boyfriend make the first move of introducing us?

The thing is, my boyfriend has a -lot- of issues (that I don't really want to go into on a public forum) and part of me can't help but think that, on some level, he thinks that his bestfriend will "steal me away" if I get talking to him. I'll admit, his friend is handsome - he even admits it himself and says his friend gets a lot of attention from the ladies but I love my boyfriend and find it a little offensive if he thinks I could be stolen away so easily.

So .... yeah. Natural curiousity can be a bitch sometimes ....

[MadMolly]

Obviously your BF doesn't want you being friends with his best friend yet, I think thats understandable because I wouldn't really want my partner chatting to my friends privately either. I'd just leave it alone and not persue the matter anymore.

[agentholli]

I agree, I wouldn't pursue it...if you do it will probably cause issues..just let him introduce you to him when he is ready for that

[Zephii]

I think that it's great if you can become friends with his friends, but echo the sentiment expressed above. Doing it behind his back will just cause more problems and give him bigger insecurity issues.

[Moon]

Leave it alone, really. To go behind his back will break his trust, and anything your boyfriend wants you to know about himself should come from him anyway. His friend might feel very weird to get a message from you asking him anything anyway, guys just don't do that stuff usually. I think if you pursue this, it's gonna lead to serious problems between the two of you, and it's just not that important.

[Richie-Cole]

A'right, I'll leave well enough alone for now then. What urks me though is that I asked him if his friend had a facebook and he said no to my face (more or less).

[Zephii]

See, the lying is what would get me Just talk to him about it, explain why you want to get to know his friends and all that. Good luck!

[folclor]

Well, I don't think you should go behind your boyfriend's back. That being said there's a possibility your boyfriend isn't lying. He might not know his friend has a facebook (there were people who were good friends of mine I didn't know had one until the last month or so), or there's the possibility, especially if the name is not exactly rare, that it's just someone else who has the same name with a brother who has the same name. I don't know that for sure, but if the friend's name is John and his brother's name is Michael, then it's easy to see how there could be other brothers who share that. Give your boyfriend the benefit of the doubt and let him come around to it on his own. ^^

[Richie-Cole]

Well, I don't think you should go behind your boyfriend's back. That being said there's a possibility your boyfriend isn't lying. He might not know his friend has a facebook (there were people who were good friends of mine I didn't know had one until the last month or so), or there's the possibility, especially if the name is not exactly rare, that it's just someone else who has the same name with a brother who has the same name. I don't know that for sure, but if the friend's name is John and his brother's name is Michael, then it's easy to see how there could be other brothers who share that. Give your boyfriend the benefit of the doubt and let him come around to it on his own. ^^

Now see, that's the other thing I thought too. He might not know his friend has it. His friends name is pretty common in Denmark (he's Danish) too but I just figure what are the chances, y'know? I'll give him the benefit of the doubt but it's been something of a long standing thing. Not just the whole thing with facebook but him giving his friend my e-mail. There have been occasions where, cause of his dad, he's not been able to get in touch with me - not for a very long, but long enough for me to worry, and there was a time when he was missing for a day and I didn't find out til a day later that he was in hospital. All of which could have been avoided if his friend could e-mail me to tell me. We don't talk on the phone right now cause neither of our families know we're gay and my boyfriend is on contract (I think) so the e-mailing is really important.

[lunamea]

I'd definitely let it go, seeing as I don't really understand the point, anyway. If you want to know someone better, you usually talk to this person, not to their friends that you don't even know.

I'm a quite jealous person myself, so I totally understand how your bf is not comfortable with you wanting to talk to his friend on your own. Perhaps it's just me, but how would you feel if he asked you for the email addy of one of your friends and wanted to talk to him/her in private? I definitely wouldn't be okay with that, either, not only because I'm jealous but also because you give the impression that you're somehow trying to find out things about him (exes, past, anything that your bf wouldn't necessarily tell you, basically). Also, as his friend doesn't know you and he is first and foremost your boyfriend's friend, he'll be loyal to him and only tell you good stuff/things you already know about your bf, anyway.

If he really lied about the FB thing, I don't think you can blame him too much, since he didn't want you to contact his friend and kinda told you so in the first place, so I think you should already have left it alone at that and not even looked the guy up on FB.

[polkapiggy]

It will only do more harm than good, wait until your SO is happy to introduce you to his bestfriend. It took mine more than a year to introduce me to his =P (although he knew mine from the start- she introduced us)

[Mio]

At some point he will introduce you to his friends!

[Richie-Cole]

I guess maybe I'm a lil impatient too. <.<

[xsomanymilesx]

i agree with the majority, just back away and let him introduce you when hes ready - its not your issues its him, like you said... so dont feel offended that he wont introduce you.