An unneccessary argument.

[Butterfly-x]

Today makes it 1yr and 4 mths with my SO and we have just had the most ridiculous, unnecessary but yet very hurtful argument FLOWERS. I spent 11 days with him and only just got back last thursday. I'm not a very demanding gf, and especially not materially, but a few days before i visted him, i expressed my desire for flowers. Ever since we were together, he has been very eager to please. well at least i thought so. Only recently, we had a discussion about me being more demanding. He told me that he wanted to do everything possible to make me happy, whether be in materially or anything at all. He said he felt that he wasnt a good enough bf because i never asked him for anything. That's very true. If i ever asked him for something, it would be some sort of candy, and that is quite rare. Anyway, during my visit, i dropped subtle reminders hoping that he'd take the hint and actually do something about it. He then promise to buy my some flowers when we went to the mall. That didnt happen. I never made a fuss, instead i continued to enjoy my time with him. I reminded him again a few days later and he promised to get me some at the fair. Still nothing. I never complained. What hurts me is that he knew it was something i really wanted, and the only thing id asked of him in a long time. I always imagined i would never have to ask such a thing from him because of the kind of guy i thought he was (as mentioned above).
Another thing. Ever since i got back, my SO has not been the same with me. It feels almost as though he doesnt love me anymore, or doesnt feel the same as he did about me before i went there. This is something i dont understand. I know he misses me and is obviously getting over my departure,but why the distance and coldness? I know him, and i know thats very unlike him.
We discussed this, and his excuse was that he missed me. I explained to him that we needed to be there for each other, and neither of us would recover from the pain of separation if he was determined to distance himself from me. This behaviour really scares me. Another thing i noticed was how he wasnt paying me so much attention anymore. Ive had to repeat myself so many times in the past few days because he has been busy watching or reading something else while talking to me(something he has never done til now).. Im so confused. Ive tried so hard to be gentle with him... Just to let him know i care deeply about him, but its not working. I know most of you will tel me to give it time, and i know i have to but i feel like im in a relationship with a stranger.... and i know that something isnt right while part of me is paranoid that things will go downhill from now onwards.

Now, getting back to where i was. The topic of flowers came up today, and while i took it lightly, and i thought he was too.. it ended up being blown out of proportion. I noticed the conversation was leading to a fight (I asked him why he didnt get my flowers, and told him how it made me feel), and told him it was best to close the topic and i wouldnt mention flowers again. He called me childish..and because we had a discussion about making our relationship better and more understanding (i think i mentioned that earlier), i decide to remain calm and explain to him once again. Usually,id have reacted badly to being called childish. Anyway, the conversation ended with him telling me to leave him if i felt he wasnt good enough and he was a crappy bf. I never said any of that...

So sorry for the long post. advice or thoughts would be so appriciated
Thanks in advance
R.

[folclor]

Do you know whether he had any problems with exes before? I know Alex sometimes gets really distant from me and it's because he gets scared and if I call him on it he admits to it and we try to work through the problem, whatever he's feeling at that point. My advice to you is to talk to him and try to figure out why he's being distant. Is he feeling like he's not good enough? Is he feeling guilty because he didn't get you those things? Or are you just getting close enough to him that he's starting to get scared?

[silence94652]

for someone who is so eager to please he doesn't seem to take hints very well. it looks like there's something deeper going on though, since you were separated again. i don't know what to tell you. i had a boyfriend who said things like "why don't you just leave me" and "i'm a bad boyfriend..." and it was a horrible drain on me. it took him leaving ME, a horrific recovery period, and a lot of changes for me to realize he was like that the entire second half of our 11 month relationship. it's good that you can step back and see the situation clearly. i've felt like you did/do before. try to give it some time and talk it out.

[Mio]

I'm sorry to hear you are having issues, probably he just forgot about the flowers, now he felt bad and made a fuss about it. About being cold and all that, it never happened to us, but I know that a lot of people go thru that process after the separation. I hope you can talk to him and resolves the issues soon!

[Butterfly-x]

I recieved the most beautiful flowers today!! with the sweetest message inside ! Yay.
It made my day!!
Also, he sent me an apology for his most recent behaviour and acknowledged he wasnt acting in the best interest of our relationship, so i guess we ll get better from here. Hopefully!
Thx for the advice ppl!
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